Like seriously, big deal he didn't call for one day. Give the guy some space.....I'm really starting to feel sorry for him now.
ok, well its not about calling, he couldve text. takes maximum of 10 seconds. he has text me since ive left, its been 3months , every day. and now its the 2nd day he hasnt., so obv for him its an issue too, he obv still thinks im wrong.
and ive said before, i coudlnt care as much had the name not been there, yes its upsetting, but im more upset my husband doesnt see the issue in it. maybe hes a man, maybe he doesnt see things the way we do i dono, but still he shudve understood im hurt. plus im 38 weeks preg, and was in hosp 2 weeks ago and sin ce then i dnt need this stress. he thinks i stress myself out, i think they give me stress. go figure.
You have a right to be upset, but you could expressed your concerns in a more effective way. Read Stoppit's post. As for him not calling...give him some space....and you take a break as well....and keep yourself busy in other things. Chances are that even if he were to call, there'd be tension between the two of you and it can possibly aggravate things even more.....because it's clear that you're still upset. Just take some time to calm down (easier said than done, I know)...and he may call during that break....or when YOU have calmed down....you can call him.
nadz...choro in sab baaton ko ab...do not stress yourself out over something that is not in your control at the moment. in less than 2 weeks, you're going to be a mommy of 2, iA...take it from me, I had 3 kids in less than two years...your life is about to get a whole heck of a lot crazier!!! you are not doing yourself, your daughter or your soon to be baby any favors by stressing out so much. tumharay pareshaan honay say kuch nahin badalnewala hai.....Read the following passage, let it sink in and marinate...if you adopt this philosophy, i PROMISE you, khud ba khudi tumko sukh, chain aur shaanti miljaigi....
[TABLE="class: uiInfoTable mtm profileInfoTable"]
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
ok, well its not about calling, he couldve text. takes maximum of 10 seconds. he has text me since ive left, its been 3months , every day. and now its the 2nd day he hasnt., so obv for him its an issue too, he obv still thinks im wrong.
and ive said before, i coudlnt care as much had the name not been there, yes its upsetting, but im more upset my husband doesnt see the issue in it.** maybe hes a man, maybe he doesnt see things the way we do i dono, but still he shudve understood im hurt. plus im 38 weeks preg, and was in hosp 2 weeks ago and sin ce then i dnt need this stress.** he thinks i stress myself out, i think they give me stress. go figure.
I agree Nadz! You were hurt, but he's not intentionally trying not to understand. Like Stoppit said there is a way to talk to someone, and as soon as you yelled him he shut down and became defensive. That's a lesson for you for next time!
Why don't you text him? Something small.
Now on to your last part. You cannot change your inlaws. But you can change yourself so you do not take every little thing so seriously. You will be much happier if you start to just let go sometimes.
yes i told my mum, she in 2minds, she thinks my inlaws didint meant to do it, probly just didnt think as im not there, and wrote daughters name as shes a baby and it was just for fun-like hubby said....but she also understood my point and most likely understands wat im feeling, esp since husband thinks im making a big issue for no reason.
and i cant help but feel stressed. he shoudl know the situation i am in, so why hasnt he called or got in contact since. we used to fight and he wo9uld sulk beofre, but this was face to face. im now in another country. and obv his ego is bigger than my condition at the moment.
i am talking about the bigger issue here…which all you micominded womenz seem to ignore…
texting, shaadi card name bla bla bla…that doesn’t even matter… quetion is…if she is going to live in UK, stay with the husband or divorce…move to pakistan or not…same house or separate house…
I agree Nadz! You were hurt, but he's not intentionally trying not to understand. Like Stoppit said there is a way to talk to someone, and as soon as you yelled him he shut down and became defensive. That's a lesson for you for next time!
Why don't you text him? Something small.
Now on to your last part. You cannot change your inlaws. But you can change yourself so you do not take every little thing so seriously. You will be much happier if you start to just let go sometimes.
i didnt yell, we werent talking over skype, we were typing,because the audio facility wasnt working properly, so im typing ....not yelling. and yes he did tell me to relax roughly 3 times before he said im talking bakwas and he said HE was gna log off......all i was saying was how im upset and how ppl will think something wrong, how im not condisded part of his family, etc the while thing went on for 15mins before he said hes gna go i said im off too i then text him to say how wud he like if his sis was treated this way, and dnt text me because i know watul say.
fine i told him not to text me, but i didnt say never text me again, and even if i have, so wat, im right, arent i.im the wronged one he should be destressing me whatever i say .....if i wasnt preg, fair enough, because i am, he should ignore anything i say anyway...shouldnt he...
Nadz you're missing the point. I think you need to reread Stoppit's post.
Have you ever heard of a 'compliment sandwich'?
Something like this:
Wow what beautiful invitations. Oh my name is not on there. you look really nice today.
and than DROP IT. and let him realize it on his own. bus.
my husband is fairly dense in these matters. seriously, i know him, he NEVER wouldve taken that hint....ever. i gaurantee it. hes immune to all this play with words stuff, unless u dont say it directly, he will never ever get it....
and i cant help but feel stressed. he shoudl know the situation i am in, so why hasnt he called or got in contact since. we used to fight and he wo9uld sulk beofre, but this was face to face. im now in another country. and obv his ego is bigger than my condition at the moment.
UFFFF....TOBAH LARKI....TUMKO KIS ZABAAN MAIN SUMJHAON!!!!
Men.Are.A.Different.Species.Than.Women.
They do not process/comprehend like women do. Especially a pregnant, hormonal women. Your husband sounds alot like mine. "S" was like a tube light when it came to his mom/family. Even after seeing and hearing something MAJOR with his own eyes and ears, he would be like "Nahin..yai kab huwa tha? Zuroor tumko koi ghalat faymee huwi hai" or "Achaa...mujhe tho kuch yaad nahin..."
It took me ALONG time to finally figure out that no, he's not being an insensitive jerk. The truth of the matter is that he just wasn't clinging to and holding on to every injustice his family hurled at me because he knew already knew something that I was not letting myself see: THEY ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE. NO MATTER IF HE YELLS, SCREAMS, CHASTISES, PLEADS OR EVEN AGREES WITH YOU IN PRIVATE TUMHARA DIL RAHKNAY KE LIYE ...HIS FAMILY IS NOT GOING TO GET IT. THERE WILL BE NO AH-HA! MOMENT.
So why get worked up over it, if it is not in anyone power to change??? I GET what you mean when you say "well at least he can acknowledge/admit to me that I have a right to be upset" Girlfriend, that was my mantra also. And all it did was cause more resentment in my heart and mind.
You have a good husband who I'm sure is head over heels madly in love with you. That's all you need. Baakhi sab gaya bhaar main. Please, please, please meri jaan, just let it go. Don't let these petty (and yes, they are petty!) things dictate your life.
I still think it is not an issue. khair have fun going nuts over something that is not an issue. God forbid, your dream about your IL's brainwashing your hubby will soon be a reality. So watch out for yourself girl!
these little things actually lead to greater disaster. not only you are not showing any interest in them but they are also not showing any initiation to consider you a part of their family.
all i can say is Rome was not built in a day. you have very tough susral and if you need to maintain this relationship then this battle is not ending any time soon. u gotta be patient cuz the way i see there could be/will be many injustice from their part.
Nadz have you ever considered from his point of view that he is alone without his kid and wife during such a major occasion. Off course hsi family and shadi date setting should be blamed for it because they should have set the date after your anticipated delivery and I am sure they would have done it if their own daughter was pregnant. But just imagine every other person must be asking him " biwi aur beti kahan hai " and he must be replying that " woh UK main hain for delivery " you know our desi mentality of asking personal questions. Plus he must be busy with the wedding preps and all . I know you are feeling left out but just don't bother for a few days let things cool down you are mother of his two kids and you both should certainly pass this stage of "kon sms pehlay kara ga". Let the wedding finish and don't take stress.
