Nadz- You need some therapy(not trying to be mean, but you need to talk to someone) or some 101 course on relationships and how to handle people.
People who stay sane and have calmness/happiness in their life are not the ones who have ZERO issues in their life. It's those people who know how to handle the worst of the worst situations. I'm pretty sure I'm at least 5 years younger than you but I can tell you with fully certainty, the problems you discuss are so tiny and pointless but your own negative analysis on the situation is what makes a mountain out of a molehill.
Your MIL may not treat you like a princess but is she really that bad of a person? Okay so, they made a big deal for your daughter to go to the wedding, but couldn't you have said something like 'she wont be able to come to the wedding, but iA' when she's grows up I will let her stay with you guys?'So your MIL had an issue with you and hubby going out late at night in Pakistan. First off why wouldn't you take your baby with you (when you know MIL wont be happy) and second, if you two wanted to stay out, DO IT. You two are grown adults. But it seems you don't want to take responsibility but would rather get a consent or approval from an adult and if you didn't get it than you wanna complain. . And fine, your husband doesn't always understand your feelings, but doesn't he love you? Didn't he care enough about you to let you go to UK to give birth?
My SO of five years, has told me multiple times that I wont be just a DIL in his parents house but a daughter. So if I want to wake up at noon I can or if I come home late, it's no big deal. Do you see something wrong in his statements? I do. He's a man, and he will never understand what his mom expects of me (even if she loves me like her daughter). She's a really nice person, but BELIEVE ME, she will be very hurt if I woke up at noon like a little princess and no housework was done. Nadz, do you see where I'm going with this? Men won't always understand situations correctly but that's why they have wives in their lives.
You have it pretty good and with a little more sucking up you can make it even better. But you or your in-laws or your husband will never be happy until YOU understand how to handle situations.
That may show you that he's possibly busy with the wedding preparations.
Too busy to text or call his wife who is bearing his child also, really? Does that take a life time? And who is sure if his sister is actually rukhsatified TODAY so that he was too busy!! There is a thing called milk of human kindness you don't necessarily have to be in someone's shoes to feel for someone.
I read one post of Nadz and that makes sense. She said it wouldnt bother her if her inlaws didnt care but it would bother her if her husband didnt. And that is very genuine of a statement there. Like charity, respect and care also begins at home. Only last few instances clearly shows that her inlaws are really not as nice as some so honest and just posters believe here. Constant nagging and fuss and drama bazi when she was there and they continue it even when she is not there any more. Now even if it is the tit for tat move from them as some posters suggested, I think its mean on the inlaws part to be revengeful about something which is very fair on Nadz part. Who wouldnt want a nagging, fuss and stress free pregnancy? Afsos she isnt spared even when she managed to be free of that somehow.
Too busy to text or call his wife who is bearing his child also, really? Does that take a life time? And who is sure if his sister is actually rukhsatified TODAY so that he was too busy!! There is a thing called milk of human kindness you don't necessarily have to be in someone's shoes to feel for someone.
I read one post of Nadz and that makes sense. She said it wouldnt bother her if her inlaws didnt care but it would bother her if her husband didnt. And that is very genuine of a statement there. Like charity, respect and care also begins at home. **Only last few instances clearly shows that her inlaws are really not as nice as some so honest and just posters believe here. **Constant nagging and fuss and drama bazi when she was there and they continue it even when she is not there any more. Now even if it is the tit for tat move from them as some posters suggested, I think its mean on the inlaws part to be revengeful about something which is very fair on Nadz part. Who wouldnt want a nagging, fuss and stress free pregnancy? Afsos she isnt spared even when she managed to be free of that somehow.
Actually there are countless posts from her where she herself clearly stated that her inlaws are indeed nice people, its not invented thought of GS posters.
you guys think i got upset because of inlaws not writing my name...yes ok i got upset, but i would have got over it had my husband understood. he thought i was being negative, and as usual was upset over nothing and was talking bakwas and taking things wrongly. this pissed me off even more.
I hear you :( But maybe ITS TIME you stop complaining and bring things into his notice time and again. Lets say just for a change. Even if nothing changes, he might be surprised and who knows he really starts listening to you. Much damage has been done to your relationship with your husband because of those inlaws problems and if you can ave your relationship with your husband and rather bring it back to the level of sincerity, respect and care of each other, thats everything.
You might be near your due date. I suggest for your own good and for the good of the little angel to be coming too, STOP worrying about all the things now. Its the baby who needs all your tending, care and you need to stay mentally as well as physically healthy for this.
I must have missed those posts, my bad, honestly :hinna:
The last few threads that I remember are those like not directly inviting her parents even when the preparations were in the full swing and then that demand for sending over the grand kid even though her mother couldnt accompany. And even before this, if I am recalling correctly, how her MIL used to create fuss if the couple was out shopping till late and feigning to be ill and all that. Seeing one side of the picture, (because we obviously cant see the other, no choice really) it sounds gross. We are not saints for having perfect patience. We are humans and we do bleed when we are cut. I think all Nadz actually needs is a word of understanding and sympathy. And the saddest part of it all being even her husband never stands by her. I mean these are life long vows, aint they? Phew I dont know, I jut wish things get alright for her. I for myself can imagine how bad it must feel when your life partner is not trying to understand you and label you with being negative and nonsense and all that. Thats killing really and horrible to even think of.
mirage - all that may well be. but she's not leaving her husband is she? no. therefore she has to do something to make it work.
now, you know i am against all the effort coming from one side (this is more just wishful thinking that things should change) but if that is the reality of the situation then you have to suck it up and deal with it.
husband shows wife card and is all excited about wedding. doesn't matter what is wrong, the appropriate response should be joy and praise. i totally get that nadz wants her husband on her side when she's been wronged like this. but she needs to learn to how to play him (yes gs men, bash me all you want). after making hubs happy, then she needed to be like "even though i'm not there in person, i'm there in thought and i would have loved for my name to be on the card". then he might have realised their mistake and said something about it to the appropriate people. when you are negative, accusatory and hyper, the other person is not going to want to hear it.
Nadz- You need some therapy(not trying to be mean, but you need to talk to someone) or some 101 course on relationships and how to handle people.
**
People who stay sane and have calmness/happiness in their life are not the ones who have ZERO issues in their life. It's those people who know *how to handle* the worst of the worst situations.** I'm pretty sure I'm at least 5 years younger than you but I can tell you with fully certainty, the problems you discuss are so tiny and pointless but your own negative analysis on the situation is what makes a mountain out of a molehill.
Your MIL may not treat you like a princess but is she really that bad of a person? Okay so, they made a big deal for your daughter to go to the wedding, but couldn't you have said something like 'she wont be able to come to the wedding, but iA' when she's grows up I will let her stay with you guys?'So your MIL had an issue with you and hubby going out late at night in Pakistan. First off why wouldn't you take your baby with you (when you know MIL wont be happy) and second, if you two wanted to stay out, DO IT. You two are grown adults. But it seems you don't want to take responsibility but would rather get a consent or approval from an adult and if you didn't get it than you wanna complain. . And fine, your husband doesn't always understand your feelings, but doesn't he love you? Didn't he care enough about you to let you go to UK to give birth?
My SO of five years, has told me multiple times that I wont be just a DIL in his parents house but a daughter. So if I want to wake up at noon I can or if I come home late, it's no big deal. Do you see something wrong in his statements? I do. He's a man, and he will never understand what his mom expects of me (even if she loves me like her daughter). She's a really nice person, but BELIEVE ME, she will be very hurt if I woke up at noon like a little princess and no housework was done. Nadz, do you see where I'm going with this? Men won't always understand situations correctly but that's why they have wives in their lives.
You have it pretty good and with a little more sucking up you can make it even better. But you or your in-laws or your husband will never be happy until YOU understand how to handle situations.
p.s dang that was long :/
She's right...talking to a therapist helped me tremendously, and taught me how to deal with my own in-law issues...I have no shame in admitting that...
I understand and agree with everything you’ve said.
But I don’t think Nadz would agree with the bold part. Judging by her posting history, Mr Nadz is a nice and patient fella, who’d taken her side and been supportive on plenty of instances…I would not use the word ‘never’, yeah but I think he’s being a little too cool minded on this issue.
You absolutely do have the right to feel upset, but I wouldn't dwell on it too much. It's more important that you live a happy life with your husband and daughter than to focus on these smaller (albeit annoying) issues.
I understand how this scenario can make you upset nadz123, but its really not worth getting angry over it, even if someone did do it on purpose for some petty reason, let it go.
Its easy to tell nadz not to fume over such petty issue, but he fact remains the same that its very inconsiderate and disrespectful of her inlaws to omit her name.
^Yup. Although if she knows what they're like...she needs to toughen up a bit. However, I also don't agree with those that are saying that the name shouldn't be on the card. Have some consideration for the woman who brought the beloved kid (who is also absent but was included on the card) into the world and also lived with you (which was a huge adjustment for Nadz. It's always tougher to live on someone else's turf than on your own) for the past several months. What impression are Nadz's in-laws giving to HER parents....and especially her father .....who despite being sick will travel to Pak for the wedding....to think that this is how they treat my daughter (Nadz)? Sure, she behaves immaturely at times.....but it becomes even more messed up if she had helped out in any of the preparations for the wedding celebrations prior to leaving for England. Maturity is in want for BOTH parties.
I liked Stoppit's post....she had a great suggestion for how Nadz could have handled the situation and maybe even induced some guilt in her husband....whereas exploding at him would only turn him off. But still....it was pretty dense of the husband as well (IMO).
Too busy to text or call his wife who is bearing his child also, really? Does that take a life time? And who is sure if his sister is actually rukhsatified TODAY so that he was too busy!! There is a thing called milk of human kindness you don't necessarily have to be in someone's shoes to feel for someone.
Please tell me you're being sarcastic....
Like seriously, big deal he didn't call for one day. Give the guy some space.....I'm really starting to feel sorry for him now.
