Unfortunately for u, this cud just be bad luck…not all “ABCD” women r like this…some women r and some r not…nothing to do with wot race u r or where u were brought up…i wud, like u said, prefer to feed poor ppl rather than have a lavish wedding…however, in our culture it’s really not just “my” wedding is it…now, some "ABCD"s do go crazy with their wedding just like some non-desis…my guy cousin got married recently (and if there was ever an ABCD, he is one), he is totally “white-washed”…has no sense of culture/religion wotsoever…anyway, the guy is a bloody millionaire at the least…so to him, it was no big deal to have this grand wedding…it was absolutely breath-taking…now tradtionally speaking, the girls family is supposed to take care of the barat day correct? But this cousin of mine, had his wedding arranged like christians do…and (to me) went overboard…it was HUGE and he actually paid for it (even though the girls side took credit for it)…we were so cross at them actually, cos we cud tell they were complete golddiggers and r just gonna use the hell out of my cousin…anyway, my point is that he (being a GUY) loved the whole idea of splurging for his wedding day…he went all-out and was really happy with it…another person in our family, when her daughter got married spent quite a bit…my mum actually asked her, y did u spend so much!..and that, it wud have been better if u had bought the new couple a car (since they were later using NYC transportation), or a small appt or even given them more money as a gift to help pay for Uni…she (the auntie) just sighed and said yes, but mujhe shawk hai…she was just really into the whole wedding designing n all that…n the daughter who was getting married cudn’t have cared less! Also, in Pakistan there are ppl who go mad spending on weddings too…and with mine, i have a feeling my mum wants to make it special since i am her only daughter…but she definately doesn’t believing in over doing it, but she still wants it to be decent and nice…and u know wot, i’m gonna let her even though i’m a simple person and wud prefer a small wedding…and my fiance, OMG he wants to throw a huge valima..that’s just his personality he’s very outgoing and knows a LOT of ppl…it doesn’t have to be super extravagant, but he will get a big place just so he can accomodate all the ppl he wants there…so basically, IMO, it can be a guy or a girl, desi or non-desi…if they want to spend money on their wedding they will, it depends on their preference…good luck with ur rishtaa hunting
Sorry if I sound rude. Mostly, those people who have not earned money themselves will want to waste money on their weddings; simply because they have not learnt how difficult it is to earn money honestly.
Women love to make other women jealous by showing off. I am almost sure it has something to do with the genes.
You also have to remember that it's not just the girls. For example, I decided to back off on the wedding planning and let my parents handle the event the way they wanted. It was an important day for them, and I was happy with the decisions they made. If I had worried abotu all the little stuff, I would have been very stressed out. Our wedding wasn't HUGE. But it was definitely big, and still felt nice and overdone.
When I get married I wanna simple do, 50-100 people whom are close to me and will be genuinely happy for me, I don't understand what the point is about inviting 500 people who don't even know very well, who will probably gossip about you afterwards and never appreciate the time money and effort that you spent in organising your big day. In my opinion those people do not need to share my big day with me.
Those people that spend exessive amounts on the wedding day are burning their own money so we shouldnt really comment on that, as everyone has different likes and dislikes. Some people are more reserved whereas some people like to go out and spent extreme amounts so we shouldn't base our opinions on the fact that they are either ABCD or not, that is such a narrow minded view, as I am brit born not confused btw,but I still don't wanna massive wedding. Each to their own I say.
dope, kee ho gya tennu...? some gals dream of their wedding day their entire lives. its one day that our desi ladies feel is their day and you want to take that away from them too. so cruel. 30Gs is not a big deal in the big scheme of things when you earn millions over your lifetime. plus she will be spending a lifetime with you... giving you kids cooking cleaning for you without asking for much in return. its a bargain lalay. the question is spending more than one is able to afford. i feel that should be discouraged.
I agree with one of the point's made above - ABCD's are a lot better when it comes to lavish weddings. Girls in pakistan are far worse. If they've got the money, they'll do everything to make it as big as possible. You see all this competition between women on who gets more gold sets and outfits and of course theres our desi culture priming women to think the wedding day is the be-all end-all day. However western born women can see beyond the wedding day and concentrate more on finding the right lifelong partner to make their marriage work. Life is a lot tougher here where they have to go out and work which allows them to see the many obstacles they have to overcome in life and so plan and prepare long term.
omg!!!this is funny because it turns out the girl i mentioned before that put all the wedding burden on the husband kinda also lied about how much money she makes. she told me shez an analyst making $60,000 per yr but turns out that i know an uncle at the company where she works and she is more of a receptionist!!!lolzzz…i luvv gossip!
ok this is what i think ...dope u have to tell the girl personally what your financial situation is and how much you can afford. dont assume her superficial for WANTING a lavish wedding BUT u have every right to be angry if she doesnt understand AFTER you tell her your side. (and DO mention the $10,000 rock please ! it will make all the difference!)
I dont think you can associate materialism with "ABCD"s. Girls in pakitan are alot more matrialistic, it just depends on the person you are with. But I agree, the whole $5000-ring-thing just isnt right! But like other people said, if someone has the money then let em go for it. But if they dont and they are gonna go broke after it, then they are idiots.
As mehnaz and FF said I totallya gree with them, thats how it should be. Thats how I had it done am very happy thanks to Allah. But you do realize that you will always remember that one day, it could bring back happy memories if u go with what bride said or you could end up alone in cold nights. Best of luck, you have good intentions but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything for ur wedding.
Interestingly, most of these demands come from those who never had to earn a cent in their life. For them money is just a number. Aaah the joys of being priveleged. :p
Never had the opportunity to meet girls in Pakistan, so can't tell you how different they are from ABCDs. I was merely speaking from personal experience. So, if the mods want, they can change the title from "ABCD" to "some women."
I have found out that bride's father pays for the wedding in pakistan, and the valima (reception?) is paid for by the groom. I wonder how many fathers with nubile daughters in pakistan are tossing and turning in bed just dreading about keeping up with the Joneses. Inshallah, we will all collectively beg for forgiveness from these poor fathers on the day of Qiyamat to expiate our sins.
Shweets: Herein lies the problem. I can afford it (without my dad's help), and they know I can, hence the demand. But it will be a big dent on my nest egg. I wonder if they will agree to do the reception on the same day as the wedding? How did you do yours, shweets?
Sara asked a valid question. Does anyone know what is supposed to be done islamically. Who pays?
Lolly: pleaas see witch Dr's reply. I think he nailed it on the head. I think those guppans who claim that there are guys out there who dream of big weddings too are just plain naive.
I have never met one guy in my life who, if given the choice, would spend anything more than $5,000 for his wedding.
Yea ok i’m naive even though i gave u an example of a guy who did want a big wedding…jeez, ur so narrow-minded if u think it’s a gender thing…it’s wot u prefer, some girls want a big wedding yes…but some guys do too…LOL, $5,000! I dunno wot world ur living in…basic stuff for weddings is so expensive…i mean even i, being a simple person and wanting a small wedding (even though i know it won’t be), know that it costs wayyyy more than 5 grand, it’s common sense…perhaps it’s u and the guys u know that r naive ay.
I AM NOT MARRIED…!!!
→ I feel like an idiot. Why TF did i ever think you were. I must be lo0sing my edge.
