yoda121
March 20, 2012, 10:58am
135
Re: A rishta dilemma.
Just my own bit of insight from personal experience…
I completed my undergrad and grad school with some extra classes thrown in between the two for no reason other than I enjoy learning. My husband graduated college in Pakistan which by US standards is roughly the equivalent of completing high school and perhaps an associates degree (and no I’m not putting down Pakistani educational standards…just giving the facts) and then worked several odd jobs before finding his current, secure and very respectable position here in the States. People hounded me when he wasn’t my husband and just a rishta I was considering because we weren’t equals “on paper” and that he was just after my degree because he wanted to make me work so he could sit home and laze about and he shouldn’t even be allowed “in the door” because I was “above him” blah blah blah blabbity blah.
And it was a load of BS. All of it. Having a degree doesn’t necessarily mean you’re educated. Having a degree doesn’t mean you’ll be a better provider, husband, father, etc. than anybody else. I won’t argue with the fact that it DOES give you an edge but it’s not the only factor…drive, effort, hard work, determination and faith in Allah…those matter too…
Why do I know this? Because even with my shiny degrees, I was out of work for years after our marriage and it was my husband who kept a roof over our heads and food on the table with hours of overtime and even a second job when things got really tough. But Alhamdullillah, we never wanted for anything during those rough, early years and even with all the penny watching, we were really and truly happy. And Alhamdullillah, now that I have a job (which has absolutely nothing to do with my degree, by the way)…well that’s the icing on an already wonderful cake.
As for the rest of it…not being able to talk to the each other or have anything in common because of a gap in education…that’s BS too. I know many college educated people who don’t have much knowledge of anything beyond the latest trends, gadgets, movies and celebrity gossip. I know many people without college degrees who will knock you flat with their impressive store of knowledge regarding current affairs, economics, culture and societal issues. Of course, the opposite is true as well…you’ll find jahil people in every type of population so please understand I’m not trying to disparage anyone who has put in the blood, sweat and tears for their education and come out on top. I’m just trying to show that the gap in education hasn’t prevented my husband and me from having all sorts of discussions about politics, history, religion etc. It hasn’t prevented us from finding things in common and points of disagreement which turn into lively debates. It hasn’t prevented us from enjoying each others company and being best friends.
All I’m saying is that it’s best to be open minded when you are considering rishtas. You might just find a diamond if you simply keep an open mind.
To me, someone holding a degree means sod all, I know degree holders that are very nice people indeed and know about allsorts, I also know degree holders whose intellegence can be compared to Homer Simpsons failed attempt at making a bar b q.
I know of one person that got married in the UK from Pak, came here and just drives a truck for a living, however he tries his best at what he does and he provides the best he can for his family, alot of respect for him in my eyes.
Reading this made me happy, someone that talks some sense.