I mentioned it to make peace and gently remind people not to judge each other for our actions. Only Allah reserves that right.
Your article puts everything as black and white and condemns nonconformists. Like other posters have said, it’s not that the target group is ignorant. But people interpret religion differently and practice to varying degrees.
The non-conforming Muslims should remember that to a very large extent…they’ve already conformed. Searching for fatwas to justify your actions is useless and just an excuse. I highly doubt you all wear hijab, thopes or only eat zabiha.
This is all boiling down to once again…tum karo to sahi…hum karein to ghalat.
You prefer to break certain rules and that is your choice. The minute these cherry pickers see anyone breaking a rule THEY haven’t…they start screaming gunah.
I also believe a certain type of person will never understand the way people like khatti, I and similar to us will feel. Why? Because they can’t relate or get it no matter how hard they try. In certain minds, these acts are to imitate the kaafir. Yet those minds actively choose to migrate, educate, marry and settle with kaafirs. The ones who point fingers will be the first to not speak if they were asked to give up everything and go back to their old lives for the sake of their faith. Itni himmat nahin hai. Lekin dosray pe ungli utanay ke liye himmat ajati hai Mashallah.
These are also the people who end up making other Muslims look like idiots everywhere.
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Why do you take it negative? Who said it was said to prove the “other group” wrong. It was said to clarify it from our end. Why WE think its not appropriate and what makes US to keep from celebrating it. Nowhere my post mentioned that why the “Other person” should not follow it.
My article is just not a piece of Ordinary Article. It carries sayings of Prophet Muhammad P.B.U.H and I feel necessary to share it here. If not here then where? Of course, everything and anything is said when the discussion is going on. I felt it necessary and shared it here. Now if you think it condemns nonconformists, I can not help it.
Also, although the thread is not placed in the religious forum, still the title of this thread is not, “A question for People who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations” but “A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations.” So if it comes about a Muslim, then of course it will be discussed through an Islamic Point of View too!!
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
So if we bring the topic with Ahadiths then it is called a useless justification and an excuse and if others justify their actions in the name of friendship, love, care, fun then what is that called? A genuine explanation.
Please lets not be harsh towards each other.
On the first place, I am sure this thread wasn’t about ABC vs XYZ. We all are Muslims and we all share the same religion. At least that’s what I think. Things like “your group”, “our group”, “certain group” will not lead into a good direction. We all belong to one group and we all are Alhamdulillah Muslims. We do good deeds and we do sins too. All of us. But that doesn’t really mean that anyone comes up and pass the judgement about our beliefs and faiths and claims to be more saint than us. It’s only Allah who will decide who is right and who is not. The only reason of sharing Ahadith was the same. Because we ALL are Muslims, I felt it necessary to share what I gained from Ahadiths. Not from any scholar, not from any Peer Baba, not from someone’s belief and not from my own experiences but something that was said by Prophet Mohammad P.B.U.H. So I don’t think there is any need to feel being let down and making efforts to prove each other wrong.
Queen…I’m saying what others are thinking. It’s wrong to point fingers at anyone but it’s worse when you’re pointing them at people you want to live with.
I am not being harsh…sorry if I come across that way. Just being straightforward. You can’t expect people to be afraid of speaking their mind if you’re not. Agar aap mein kehne ki taqat hai to sunne ki bhi rakhein.
If you don’t cut a turkey but you wore red on your wedding…you’re just as bad of a Muslim if not worse. Aap kisi bhi tarha se ye nahin kehsakti hein ke apne Muslim culture ko Koi bhi importance di kyun ke you chose to imitate Hindu people.
Ye saari batein karke kya milta hai aap sab ko? Dil behelta hai ke we are sooo much better than the confused abcd? Lekin phir bhi hum abcd ke beech mein hi aakay rehte hein. Aur apni families bhi humaray beech mein hi paida karte hein. Kyun? Kaunsi logic hai ye?
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
**
Reha you almost said the same as in your previous post for which I have already replied. So I dont think I need to re-explain it. My comments/ views/ opinions/ suggestions/ perceptions are totally based on who I am and how do I conduct myself. I will not play other’s part here and can’t answer to your who, what, where and why!!
I know me, I know I didn’t wear pure red on wedding, I know I didn’t marry a British born, I know my maiyyon was not celebrated as the way it is usually celebrated…and so on. I also accept that im not a sachhi savitri Muslim and that’s why I said, I shared these ahadith not to let down anyone and to feel superior. As a muslim, I felt it necessary to share what I went through relating to this thread. And the basic reason was to clear what makes ME think I should keep myself from celebrating these. Wishing them/ respecting them is definitely ok but I wouldn’t want to be a part of such festivals.
I can enjoy the fireworks while being in a park but I will NOT be the one doing it. If thats the celebration…im in… if I m told to participate in any activities/ festivities…im out.
I dont think I need to take this any further 
Aap sab ka khuda haami o naasir.
Santa Clause comes from Saint Nicholas.
Chaloo
You didn’t wear pure red. You wore some form of red, a sharara/gharara/lehnga…pehna to apne Hindu ka libaas apni shaadi ke din. Hijab aur abaya nahin.
I didn’t eat turkey I had chicken tonight.
Hisaab barabar 
Na
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Who said Sharara/gharara/lehenga is Kuffar’s libaas??
Before the division of our land and before two countries arose on the map of world as Pakistan and India, the entire “khitta” was called “Hindustan”.
That makes a lot of traditions almost same. Sharara and Gharara that we wear now occasionally, has been worn by a lot of women of that time on daily basis. You remember Fatima Jinaah? Who used to wear Gharara all the time. So yes, Sharara, Gharara are nowhere the specific dress codes for Hindus/Kuffar… Saqafat aur religious traits main koi faraq hota hay!!
Verna to by that logic, Hindus/Kuffar females wear Shalwar Kameez too, Sarhi too… hum ye bhi pehenna chor de to phir pehne kiya??
Han, hisaab to barabar ker diya tumne 
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Whatever is the case … We know our own states … We should decide what is right and stick to it or work towards it if we are too weak to stick to it … Allah (SWT) loves tawbah, so we should be doing it regularly, those people who do not sin and do not make mistakes will never feel the need to do tawbah … And that is a loss. So really the the people who believe they are following the religion should be even more careful … Lest arrogance sets in and it is never recognised by them that they too should be seeking forgiveness. The way to inform others of the right is to use Hikmah … And that means without making others angry and optimising their uptake … There is a method for doing this, but that is a different topic.
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
I ate turkey yesterday and it didn’t taste much different from chicken :o.
Wrong thread i guess
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Diwanoo,
My non-muslim friends do not fast with me, they do not attend the mosque with me, they do not involve themselves in my prayers. They do come for Eid meals, with a gift and a host of well wishes.
At Christmas, I do not attend their mass or other church services. I do not attend nativity programmes, I do not go carol singing. I do give a gift, and have in the past had dinner with them, on that specific date because that specific date is the date that matters to them the same way as the date of Eid matters to me. This is called a bond, it is called mutual respect.
The only reason I offer you this personal angle is to illustrate that every person’s approach is their own and you, with all due respect, are no one to tell us what boundaries we can or cannot cross.
If you cannot see the cultural angles of the religious occasions then that is your purview. I have no desire to sit here and dissect the religious connotations of snowmen, roast chicken, and crackers.
You have your opinion, fine, but do not claim to be without bias. Do not claim to have looked at it from all angles. Do not claim to be open to other people’s answers and then dismiss those very answers by taking taking refuge in semantics and argumentativeness.
I get it, you think the symbolism of those occasions is too strong and people are sheep, fine. But do spare us things like your example in post 109, which effectively compares casual sex with a person’s faith. It is distasteful. For that I am somewhat disappointed in you
The thread is getting rather tedious.
Agar aap mein aur kaafir ke libas mein Koi farq nahin hai to according to your theories this is wrong. Your sharara and gharara resemble Hindus and Hindus the last time I checked were considered kaafir.
Hindustan was a kafir country. Hindustani libaas kaafir libaas huwa. Ye koi itni mushkil baat bhi nahin hai ke mein alag se likhoon Apke liye.
Agar apko pehenna hai aur Muslim culture hi follow karna hai to phir you need to wear hijab and abaya. Aur uske neechay a thope.
Baat bohot simple si hai. Jo Pakistani UK ya America atay hein they seem to think ke yahan rehne valay behke huwe hein lekin phir bhi mehnat kar kar ke hum logon ke beech mein hi atay hein beheknay ke liye.
I’m sorry but I don’t believe in this and find it absurd when I read posts looking down on western Muslims as if we’ve lost something. Yet here you are…raising your kids with ours, living next to us and thinking you haven’t assimilated.
You just did…you’ve married a British native (who cares if he wasn’t born in UK), came to the west and are now settling in the west. You did the same thing our parents did. What makes you different?
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Instead of taking it from religious angle Diwana dear, and pitting resident vs non resident, liberal vs religious, go a bit deeper.
Why do people need to conform to prevelant culture around them?
Its true of everyone, including those living in Pakistan! or other muslim countries.
And perhaps the answer lies in evolution. If it was not conforming to prevalent culture, humans would not have been living in societies. Dr Gregory Berns has even elucidated the areas in brain that are involved in conforming to peer pressure.
*Neural mechanisms of the influence of popularity … [Neuroimage. 2010] - PubMed - NCBI
Sensitivity to popularity was linked to lower activation levels in the middle temporal gyrus, suggesting a lower depth of musical semantic processing. Our results suggest that a principal mechanism whereby popularity ratings affect consumer choice is through the** anxiety generated by the mismatch between one’s own preferences and others’**. This mismatch anxiety motivates people to switch their choices in the direction of the consensus. Our data suggest that this is a major force behind the conformity observed in music tastes in some teenagers.*
Hope this helps.
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Hindustan was not a Kaafir country. Hindustan divided in two parts and now it is India and Pakistan. Before the division, the entire nation was one and Muslims and Hindus, both were living in there. I don’t know why is it difficult for you to understand that, No, Sharara Gharara is not a Hindu/Kafir dress code. And by the way, who said, Pakistani Culture is Hijaab and Abaya?? Nowhere in Quran it is mentioned to wear Hijab and Abaya but has been said, “apni orhniyan neechay karo”. According to me, sharara gharara to even shalwar qameez aur abaya se bhi zada dheela hota hay. Iske pehenne main koi mumaniyat nahin hay.
Also, NO, I did NOT married a British Native either. Me and my husband both are Pakistani. We fell in love in Pakistan. We got married in Pakistan. It is true that he spent almost a decade in west, but at the time of our marriage, he had already come back and settled in Pakistan. It’s just because the economic situation of Pakistan that lead him to move back to UK.
I am very disappointed to tell that even after telling you again and again that my intention here is not about abc vs xyz, yet again and again, you are bringing it in the discussion, grouping and saying, raising your kids with OURS, living next to US… etc.
This is not me who is PLAYING the vs game. The minute you understand my intention and point, I don’t think even you would want to proceed this baseless discussion any further.
This is not about Pakistan vs any XYZ country(at least to me)!! this is about Muslims. & tum aur main dunya ke kisi bhi konay main rahain, we will always belong to the same religion, so I would politely request that ye You and We ka chakkar choro, lets discuss it being one Muslim nation.. 
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
It really does not matter if non-Muslims give gifts or offer host of well wishes on Eid day, including those events arranged by politicians arranging Muslim Iftar in Ramadan. What good has this ever brought to Mslims at large? Seriously!
It should really not matter for Muslims if someone actually converts/reverts or whatever to Islam from being Non-Muslim.
(Please read it very carefully again) Why? If someone converts to Islam, that is his/her personal act.
People need to be true to their hearts and a lot of Non-Muslims communities including Jews, Buddhas, Hindus, Sikhs even Christians do not approves or follow Christmas as a religious holiday.
Some Muslims without thinking, and just to remove their own anxieties, fear or false impression of being somehow considered outcast act against their self proclaimed beliefs.
Sorry to disappoint you, but the question was very much in par with the position some posters stated that it really does not make any difference to their faiths even if they act outside their faith, just to feel good or have fun.
No valid reason so far has been provided from minority of these Muslims to justify acting against their beliefs.
Even though I was very carefully selective in my questions to a very selective group of Muslims who find it fun to participate in activities against their beliefs, if anyone has problem with it then the questions can be directed to people of any religion or holding any religious beliefs **who feel they need to partake in religious activities of people who do not belong to their OWN religions and are living in a country or at a place where majority people follow different religion or beliefs. **
Continued…
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Bhai! I like the post for having some substance. Agree that it is the anxiety .
The anxiety and false perception of being outcast, “different”, “intolerant”, “fundamentalist” or even “terrorist” which may make people act outside their own chosen beliefs. One of my question was based on this ‘anxiety’.
Your post is related to culture however, and **I did not intend to discuss cultural conformity. ** Which is a very different topic and interestingly enough, some people are trying to justify acting against religious beliefs with an excuse of being culturally harmonious.
Sadly they cannot differentiate between the two.
To those who think it is somehow an attack on faiths of people, they need to know their is no attack on anyone’s faith, RATHER the questions were based on ACTING OUT OF THEIR FAITHS and how they justify is, what the curiosity is.
(Contniued)
P.S. I am sorry mods, I may end up posting multiple posts in a row if no one posts in between,… but I have few more posts to respond to. Feel free to merge them if I did not get the chance.
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
Good insightful posts Queen_24!
Do other non-Muslims and non-Christians follow Christian based holidays and activities?
No.
Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Atheists and Agnostics as well as many Christians do NOT believe in X-Mas or put up a tree or X-mas lights.
They also do not approve or participate in any anti-Religious activities like Halloween.
Jews have been respected all across the west despite that. (Even though as recently as in 1960’s they were openly hated in certain parts of the world…and may still be hated in those western areas, here and there hidden way. But, Jews have taken many key positions in the western society. And it is other than their religious background they were able to achieve those positions.
Judaism 101: What Do Jews Do on Christmas?
What Do Jews Do on Christmas?
Most Jews do not celebrate Christmas
Christmas is not a Jewish holiday.
Why don’t Jewish people celebrate Christmas? - Yahoo Answers
**Why don’t Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
**
Kristin B answered 6 years ago
Because Jewish people do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah and since Christmas is “suppose” to be celebrating Jesus’ birthday then I would hope you got the picture.
As a Christian though, I really dislike Christmas because it has nothing to do with Jesus. I don’t know why people want to celebrate His birth when as Christians we are suppose to be concerned only with His death, which was the true beginning for Christians and all of Christianity in general.
And I don’t like the fact that most Christians are so ignorant about Jewish customs. The Jewish people are God’s chosen people and as Christians gentiles we are grafted in to being apart of God’s chosen people.
LJ answered 6 years ago
While many people celebrate Christmas with no interest in the holiday’s religious connotation, I do not.
I wish to maintain my Jewish identity, and not assimilate into a larger Christian culture. I have no interest in celebrating Christmas, even as a “secular” holiday. I don’t want my kids to celebrate it either.
It is hard to remain really Jewish (even as a secular Jew) and celebrate Christmas. It’s a real litmus test to me.
uxey answered 6 years ago
we don’t, and have never accepted jesus as ‘the son of g-d’, or the messiah, or actually anything more than a rabble-rouser. he wasn’t important to us, to our religion or it’s practice, in any way. since he’s just another dude to us, why celebrate him? his birthday; real, imagined, or whatever, is meaningless, to us, as well.
celebrate and enjoy. just don’t expect any of us to join in - there have been too many years of persecution from the christians, and too much jewish blood spilled by them, for us to even want to join in on your festivities.
paperback_writer answered 6 years ago
Because xmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus. Christianity says that Jesus was the messiah, and that he was G-d incarnate on earth.
For Jews, this is not true. Although Jesus was Jewish, for us he was just a young rebel, and one of many. He does not feature in Judaism at all.
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
^ Is that why you think jews and others are respected compared to muslims?
Isn`t it becoz they are not known as cold blooded murdurers that muslims are famous as?
Re: A question for Muslims who feel they need to conform to perceived expectations
If Muslims are known as cold blooded murderers then it is a false and generalized concept.
What I showed that Jews respect is not lowered by not following “Christian” holiday.