yeah my mom has a kaali poth, or used to anyway- i haven't seen it in ages, but i remember she used to wear it all the time. not sure who gave it to her though. is it a hyderabadi thing, mahi?
I think it is a South Indian thing, not specifically hyderabadi. Many urdu speaking families with ties to South India still practice that.
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
the seven vows are beautiful and should apply to any marriage, i think. niks, i think this girl should remove the fire element, speak the vows out loud in a language understood by all or written in a wedding program so people can follow along, and there you go! kosher as can be.
I think it is a South Indian thing, not specifically hyderabadi. Many urdu speaking families with ties to South India still practice that.
we have no ties to south india... i'm gonna ask mum where hers is and how she came to have it.
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
If I remember correctly, mangal sutra is a Marashtran thing (West India, where Mumbai is) and neighboring states, not as much in North India or South by now spreading just because it's cool.
the seven vows are beautiful and should apply to any marriage, i think. niks, i think this girl should remove the fire element, speak the vows out loud in a language understood by all or written in a wedding program so people can follow along, and there you go! kosher as can be.
I had a whole speech prepared with my views but just can't make it after I read this solution. Excellent idea!
I agree. If we are to consider that she is now a Muslim and as a momin she is required to obey her parents in every aspect except when they ask her to participate in shirk then she must do whatever is possible to appease them. The real question now is whether or not the phairay can be defined as "shirk".
Shirk is associating partners with Allah. To my understanding, doing the phairas would be considered as shirk, because Hindu's say that they are making their vows, "agni ko sakshi maan kay". The fire is also considered "sacred" and it is a religious element, not a cultural one.
In my opinion, as a believer, she should definitely do her best to please her parents. In other words, for the sake of her parents, who no doubt must be going through hell with the idea of their child marrying outside her faith as it is, she can incorporate the non-shirk elements that they really want to have but should exclude the shirk-y ones, in accordance with her new faith.
Btw, for whoever was saying their vows would not be valid-- since the girl is converting to the guys faith, their vows would definitely be valid...
someone close to me is most likely going to marry her hindu boyfriend. needless to say, topic's like this come up often in our household. he will convert to islam but he still wants rituals like holi and diwali to be celebrated in their future muslim household because it is a part of his culture and his family's traditions, and not necessarily his religion. so yeah- what do you do?
Do you think that is reason behind Shahrukh Khan's allowing the presence of Hindu god's statutes in his kitchen where his children can pray before them before going to school? Maybe, his wife wants their children to know what she believes in.
Shouldn't you leave everything behind when you convert to any religion? Anything symbolic of the past religion should be cast aside to make way for the new not matter the how strong the emotional bonds are.
we have no ties to south india... i'm gonna ask mum where hers is and how she came to have it.
im from hyderabad and ve seen the kali poot thingy wid my mum too. all of my aunts n cousins ve it but none of em wear it i think ther jus given one on der wedding day. its a hydi thingy i guess.
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
i think she is converting just to get married and not after reading and understanding islam.in her heart she will always remain a hindu.
Do you think that is reason behind Shahrukh Khan's allowing the presence of Hindu god's statutes in his kitchen where his children can pray before them before going to school? Maybe, his wife wants their children to know what she believes in.
Shouldn't you leave everything behind when you convert to any religion? Anything symbolic of the past religion should be cast aside to make way for the new not matter the how strong the emotional bonds are.
well i can't speak to what's in his heart, but i mean, he is an actor and as far as the singing/dancing thing goes, i'm pretty sure islam forbids that too... so who knows how strong his faith is or what his reasoning is? maybe its not something bugs him? its not really up to us to make the call on that, you know? nor is there a single formula to follow to resolve this.
i mean, this is a very, very personal thing, that the person converting/ marrying has to figure out for themselves.
this is easier said than done. when you want to marry someone that you love and that you know is an excellent person inside and out, you're either not religious and don't care OR you're hopeful that in the future they might "see the light".
i think she is converting just to get married and not after reading and understanding islam.in her heart she will always remain a hindu.
who can say? you might be right, you might not. they say once a person says the shahadah, Allah gives them hidayat eventually even if its not right away or even if they didn't say it with full belief at first.
getting a fire in a hotel is very difficult even here in america, most hotels prohibit that. but i think it's important how they tie the bride's dupatta to the mans and he begins to lead them and then she takes the lead because it shows marriage is about sharing the power of the household and so forth. i dont think it's shirk to do the seven circles and no big deal to not have a fire.
in hindu ceremonies the pandit is reading the prayers that state what each vow so maybe instead the bride's mother and father can read what each circle/vow is. i'm telling you guys her parents are probably torn apart because a hindu wedding ceremony includes the whole family where as the muslim one doesn't. you can be an orphan and get married no problem, in hindu ceremonies if you are an orphan other people step up as your mother and father, my grandmother has done it a few times for her son's friends who had no families.
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
Elders in our family always say that this is how the dilution of religion begins......with unclear lines of definition. Some things are stated very, very clearly in Islam.
I asked earlier whether or not the phairay may be classified in the "shirk" category. I have yet to see a general concensus on that in this discussion. My personal opinion is that, regardless of the symbolism behind them, they are shirk because they are being executed in a ritualistic manner while circling a fire. Maybe I need more education on the subject but to me the fire and the mantras add a "religious" aspect to the whole thing.
If those phairay have no significance in Hinduism save to represent the promises that are being made, then why do them that way? Because they are part of a religious ceremony. Right?
Perhaps we can ask the parents of the bride to be and see if they think it would be okay to simply recite those vows and not circle the fire. Do you think they would agree that it accomplishes the same thing? I doubt it.
I also understand the status that Islam gives to parents, particularly the mother. But what does Islam say about parents that are not Muslim? What are the teachings with respect to this matter?
The question here is not who to please and whether or not certain traditions are religious or not.....the greater question is which part of your faith are you okay with compromising........
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
I went to a wedding a couple of years ago, where the groom had accepted Islam (in his teens) but his family remained Hindu. There was a segregated mehndi, and a proper Nikah. The groom's parents and family sat in the audience gave their blessings and did not interfere in the way the Islamic ways of the wedding.
In my opinion, if the bride and the groom are Muslim, they shouldn't mix any Hindu rituals because the rituals have religious significance, and reflect on the union of the bride and the groom. The bride's parents not being Muslim should not coerce the Muslim couple into doing something unIslamic especially during something as sacred as a marriage ceremony. Islam gives you permission to disobey your Muslim parents, if they are asking you to do something that doesnt agree with the Islamic faith...so it shouldnt even be an issue in this case.
*there was plenty of naach gana at the mehndi, but since it was all girls (some played the guys' part by dressing up as guys)...i dont understand the concept of muslim girls going all hoochi mama in front of the men at weddings?
njgal, but it sounds like you're saying you can compare the two....TLK's point was that sangeet is as haram as saath phairay, and you were saying that if you can have a sangeet, go ahead and do saath phairay. thats my point of contention, i think just because you're doing one thing that's considered wrong religiously doesnt mean you should go ahead and do all 50 things that would be considered wrong.
lol this is getting confusing...
I don't claim to be a religious expert.
Every islamic wedding that I have went to had a religious part and a cultural (rasm) part for Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and Christian weddings.
I agree with you it is confusing because some people don't know which one is which.
Contemporary Hindus don't even do 90% of the traditions that are done in India because it's just sooo time consuming.
My point is the if** you do the islamic part** and tack on the rasm part from any culture - it's okay
I am all for a wedding day that brings JOY to the bride and groom and their families.
For couples who have spouses from other cultures - some rasms, traditions are usually depicted or taken from both sides of the family.
I watched some interview of his last week where he said that he wants his kids to grow up knowing and respecting both Islam and hinduism and once they are mature enough, they can make their own decision in regards to which faith to follow. His wife then mentioned something about how her mother is not so happy that SRK’s son is more keen towards Islam than he is towards his mother’s religion. Apparently, both Eid and Diwali/Holi are celebrated in their house, and they have idols along with Quran in the same place.
Um, yeah. 
While I don’t agree with all that he does, I am still noone to judge because we all are answerable for our own doings and faith.
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
You can teach respect without doing shirk 
The worst part is that the people take him as a role model. Think about it, how can you say La Illaha IllAllah in one breath and join hands in front of an idol in the second. This is foolishness.
So coming back to her wedding issue, I don’t know what they’ve decided but going through the posts here, I also agree that while it is only fair to respect her parents wishes one must be careful not to let those wishes be an act of shirk. It seems so hard.
How about just serving cholay bhaturey 
?
i think she is converting just to get married and not after reading and understanding islam.in her heart she will always remain a hindu.
There were many during prophet times who converted to Islam because of marriage liability (as other spouse was already converted and they wanted to keep the marriage intact)> there is no obligation in Islam as to why you are converting as long as you are converting. Please watch before you pass such fatwas
I went to a wedding a couple of years ago, where the groom had accepted Islam (in his teens) but his family remained Hindu. There was a segregated mehndi, and a proper Nikah. The groom's parents and family sat in the audience gave their blessings and did not interfere in the way the Islamic ways of the wedding. In my opinion, if the bride and the groom are Muslim, they shouldn't mix any Hindu rituals because the rituals have religious significance, and reflect on the union of the bride and the groom. The bride's parents not being Muslim should not coerce the Muslim couple into doing something unIslamic especially during something as sacred as a marriage ceremony. Islam gives you permission to disobey your Muslim parents, if they are asking you to do something that doesnt agree with the Islamic faith...so it shouldnt even be an issue in this case.
*there was plenty of naach gana at the mehndi, but since it was all girls (some played the guys' part by dressing up as guys)...i dont understand the concept of muslim girls going all hoochi mama in front of the men at weddings?
but you can't use an example of one wedding you went to as the example that all hindu-muslim weddings should live up to? From what you're describing, it looks like this guy converted on his own accord, not because he fell in love with some Muslim girl and had to...and I think that changes how your parents will react to a conversion. If you convert because your heart opened up to another religion and you did some soul-searching, I think that would be a lot easier to handle than falling in love with a Muslim girl whose parents are now forcing you to convert and wont let you use any trace of your past in the wedding.
with regards to girls going 'hoochi mama,' its all relative...for some, its hoochi mama to dance in front of men while for others, an unsegregated wedding is really hoochi mama. and in a lot of families, culturally speaking, the point of dancing is to show that you're happy for the new couple so the thought behind it is not always 'let me show off for any men in the crowd.'
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
haha pareezay, i remember watching that interview on tv and you can tell how gauri isnt so happy either about her son leaning more towards islam than hinduism.
Re: A hindu-muslim wedding!!!
ALLAH!!!!!!! this is such a serious issue. I think ones involved should contact a MUFTI as sooooooooon as possible and even those who are agreeing to such a think. Eman is the most precious thing a Muslim has. Alhamdulilah we are born Muslim but there is no guarantee that we will die a Muslim. May Allah save our eman. aameeen A infidel (kafir) will stay in hell for ever and ever and no way out. Ahh eman is more important than a girl. O would someone explain this to that guy and save him.