Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
you think so... I think women, girls are "trained" very differently. The balancing act does exist for wives. The society doesn't expect it from us but the feelings are still there.
But dont you think she has a different kind of pressure...to understand and adjust with the new relationships that come with marriage...? she might not have the same roles as that of the guy but its not easy for her either....
I totally agree. In fact, if you think of it, girls have it harder than guys.
Marriage is not an easy thing Chips. Why do you think so many is west prefer to just live together than to get married. But rewards of a beautiful marriage worth the price that both husband and wife pay for it.
i dont understand why felt guilty ? u believed that u have actually done something wrong ?.. where was your conscience when u hurt your parents/family on day to day basis to get ther approval ..and at the end u called ‘blessings’…yeah right.. it was forced kinda of blessing at least at that point of time YOU know… khair…
and why this guilt trip has to kick in right after marriage… couldnt u wait for few years down the road for it? .. afterall it as LOVE marriage… shame on you.
I havent read other peoples replies so i dont know what u guys are talking about 
The society doesn't expect it from us but the feelings are still there.
Its all in the expectation part, innit? If it was not expected from guys, they wont do it either.
are you married?
Re: A guy’s persepective about love marriages …
Double standards erk me…
My hubby’s mom and sister were like “ohhh don’t forget us”
My mom was like “sub bhool gao - woh ab tumhara ghar hai” 
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
But this how our social set up is. Girl is given to the guy's family so both moms were/are right in their though process and words.
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
Moms are way too emotional.
My DAD gave me a key to our house in Michigan which I still carry in my key chain and said "Don't listen to your mom, this will always be your home" :D I love him. He told you never have to ring the doorbell like a guest - just walk in.
But this how our social set up is. Girl is given to the guy's family so both moms were/are right in their though process and words.
TLK we'll be going in to a never ending discussion on how messed up our society is. I've seen folks constantly repeat the following two points here:
1) It's not the girls responsibility to take care of the guy's parents
2) It's the guy's duty to provide for his wife and take care of his parents
Considering that most Pakistanis are working class, how would you model this arrangement? It's not possible for some to maintain two separate households, one for the wife and the other for his parents. Even if he manages to do so, there would be constant resentment from both sides that their 'haq' is being infringed upon.
So many assumptions are being made here before we go in to these 'islamic' statements that folks here are tooting. What are the assumptions?
1) *The parents have enough savings to live a nice retired life: *
Not the case, most desi parents do not have enough saved for their retirment. I will further and say if the girls parents can't support themselves, the guy should offer to support them too to ease his wife's pain. No where in Islam does it say that a guy should support his wife's parents but it is what society encourages us to do. 'The Paki culture' is not always ugly.
2) The guy is going to make enough money to support two separate households ~ there are other siblings that will pitch in:
Again, maybe he is the only son or he doesn't make enough money to support two separate households? What in this case?
3) The Parents can take care of themselves:
What if they're old an infirm. What if one of them has passed away and the other was totally dependant upon them? Are we just going to say 'tuff luck' and let them be? Nursing home perhaps.
I don't have an answer to all these questions. All I can say is that every situation is different and there can't be a cookie cutter approach. I am fully supportive of women who have had it with their husbands becuase the husband/MIL/FIL/SIL have been abusive etc. However, realistically, in most cases a slight compromise from all parties does resolve the problem overtime. The individuals concerned just have to be sane.
Moms are way too emotional.
My DAD gave me a key to our house in Michigan which I still carry in my key chain and said "Don't listen to your mom, this will always be your home" :D I love him. He told you never have to ring the doorbell like a guest - just walk in.
awww - I would not be able to hear all of that without the ocean waves in my eyes :( I just cried :(
okay ppl, lets not get personal here.
a guy shared his experience here so that others (new to the marriage scenario or going to get married) could learn something from it, he and his wife went through the rough patch and now are happy and for your kind information together for a long time, so please no assumptions or cussing. Know your facts before commenting or atleast read the whole thread.
TLK :k:
Pir Sahab (X2) we need you here 
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
Kaun - some folks are in for a reality check or else an alimony check shortly thereafter. Hey who knows maybe we have some purebred paki gold diggers here ;)
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
I like the concept of this thread - it would be nice to share "mistakes" we have all done - things we would have handled differently in our marriages.
After 10-15 years in - you think of some of the things you would have done differently to spare yourself so much grief.
Yup. another thing that irks me… when husbands feel its okay to joke about their in laws or even insult them to the wife…whereas if a wife does the same about her in laws, its the worst thing in the world…i have heard of women being hit or beaten because they dared to say something. but i guess thats antoher thread…
Moms are not emotional, I think they are more practical. Your mom came from a diff family into your dads family so she knows what it means when you give away your daughter. Your dad never went through that experience so he cant relate to the fact that he gave you away and now you are part of another family ..
Stork, I think that it would be wise if girl and her family do the homework before tying the knot. They should be aware of the guy’s liabilities and responsibilities that he may have (especially the financial ones that you pointed out).
On the other hand, the guy and his family should also not over promise and under deliver. Many o times, it was promised to the bride’s family that ‘hum to aap kee beti ko sar ka taaj banaa ke rukhkhain gai’ but after marriage, they dont walk the talk.
Kaun bhai, thanks .. but just to clarify, it was not a rough rough kind of patch. we were in love with each other even then but still, the adjustment took some effort.
yaar…the thing is…i understand if some people, especially women in the early years of hteir marriage (whcih make up the bulk of the posters/viewers here) would be angry and take it personally, especially when they are going through it right now or they passed through that rough patch but the pain is still there…so thats why they may take the anger out here. (If this thread was opened 3 years ago, I SO would have 
)
I remember some of the things my husband said/did in the early days and yes it brought back bad feelings..whcih quickly subsided when i realized its silly to be angry over something from 3 years ago…when instead i can be angry at something he did tomorrow.
Yup. another thing that irks me.... when husbands feel its okay to joke about their in laws or even insult them to the wife....whereas if a wife does the same about her in laws, its the worst thing in the world...i have heard of women being hit or beaten because they dared to say something. but i guess thats antoher thread...
There is a pact between the wife and I, an unwritten rule from the day one. Till this day, we never insulted each others parents even if they were wrong. Forget about insult, we never even complained to each other, about each other's parents. In fact its one step further, if I complain about my mom, she does not agree. When she gets angry at her parents, I calm her down and try to show her their perspective.
I like the concept of this thread - it would be nice to share "mistakes" we have all done -.
chalain, shroo ho jaa'ain phir .. tell us about all the wrong things that you have done :D
There is a pact between the wife and I, an unwritten rule from the day one. Till this day, we never insulted each others parents even if they were wrong. Forget about insult, we never even complained to each other, about each other's parents. In fact its one step further, if I complain about my mom, she does not agree. When she gets angry at her parents, I calm her down and try to show her their perspective.
Its one thing to make a promise and antoher thing to stick to it. Some think they stick to their promise and get around it by making jokes and not using gaaliayn but i dont think its any less disrespectful, especially when theres an imbalance (i..e, one can joke but the other cannot)
TLK and SARA well my point is that ppl should not be quick to come to conclusions and pass stupid comments, khair ALLAH aap sab ko khush rakhey :k: AAMEEN