kyun bay shaddi say pehlay tu niqaab pehanta tha ka?
okay joking aside, thanks for posting this, at the expense of ridicule by people who know much less about married life but are experts :)
This remidns me of those girls who aren't married and never had bfs but get all their knowledge frm books and stuf. we call them "virgin sexperts"
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
they may have seen many educational videos
kyun bay shaddi say pehlay tu niqaab pehanta tha ka?
okay joking aside, thanks for posting this, at the expense of ridicule by people who know much less about married life but are experts :)
so what is TLK saying here ppl, you have tough times, things go rough, people make mistakes but if the people are mature about it, things pass tough times pass and you move on.
good for you and good for her TLK, so for all th eyounguns, guys and girls who are getting married, what will be your advise so they not make the mistakes you made, or if they are in a situation similar to yours, how to resolve it successfully.
shabash, likhna shoroo karro
Oye peer sahab ke hotay hu'ai hum kiya mashwaray dain ..:D
Basically, relationship does not have an on/off switch. In another thread, a girl talks about a courtship of 6 years and thinking about divorce after 10 days of marriage. The thing is, what takes 6 years to build up requires way more than 10 days to conclude if its worth it or not. Patience and willingness to make it better is the key.
Hey, I survived with X2 for about 11 years now. If X2 and I can do it, you can do it too :p
boss ager woh laal pholon wali shirt dekh ker bhi kisi ny shadi ker li--to woh to kaheen haneen jany wali
tum nus jaltay bhuntay rehna hamesha, meray handsomeness se
they may have seen many educational videos
haan yeh bhi hai.
but still, all the "book smarts" in the world cannot make up for practical experience.....and i mean this in every aspect (work, marriage, etc):)
Oye peer sahab ke hotay hu'ai hum kiya mashwaray dain ..:D
Hey, I survived with X2 for about 11 years now. If X2 and I can do it, you can do it too :p
o yaar aap muswahrey daen, u just said she had not seen your ugly side until afyter marriage and I was wondering if you wore a mask until shadi, was just confirming :)
we did it? sorry man must not have been memorable or i must have been very wasted, I dont remember anything.
11 years but still u have not given a public answer about lobsters being allowed.
anyways your point about some effort is right..too many threads by ladies here indicate lack of or shortage of patience, adaptability, empathy for their significant other .. or indicate that their husband may need to up his game in these areas. people go in expecting some sort of fairytale life where salan would never be pheeka, someone would never be late, everyone would always say the right things with the right tones etc.
not happening..
.. and why most of them fail. Especially the ones where the couple went against their family wishes to marry.
I can share my perspective. Ours is a love marriage. My family was initially not in agreement. I went through hell to marry her. Off course we got married with our parents' blessing at the end. Right after the wedding, a sudden guilt kicked in. I got what I wanted but I realized that i bruised some egos and hurt some feelings. I felt selfish. That made me lean more towards my family to make up for my previous stubbornness. Also, all my frustrations, I took out on my lovely wife. I can guarantee you that it was a rough patch for her where not only that she was struggling to bridge the gaps with her inlaws but must also be surprised that what happened to the guy who loved me so much.
I must admit that my wife is one strong woman. I always loved her dearly, even when I was taking out my frustration on her, but how would she know that. My attitude was definitely saying otherwise. I think that she had more confidence on her love for me than on my love for her.
I see many threads where girls get a surprise by the sudden change of their hubby's behavior. My advice is .. dont give up ladies. Its all temporary. If this was a love marriage then he still loves you as much. He may only be going through a little guilt tunnel. He will be ok soon.
Great thread! Women listen to this man. He speaks the truth. I can say the same for me and almost all of my friends. When ladies ask the question "Why did he change after marriage?" Here is the answer. Pakistani guys grow up in an environment where they are beaten in to submission. 'Respect your parents' is what we've been brainwashed with from day1. Essentially falling in love and chosing someone on your own is ones first and only act of rebellion. Nothing sounds and feels more right than to marry the girl you've chosen for yourself. lekin after the parents have grudgingly agreed, the sense of guilt starts to sink in. The new wife seems as beautiful as ever but it seems so much more permenant than your aging parents. They suddenly look more frail and weak and you feel guilty that you've done them wrong. Offcourse this is not at all logical and the feminazi here will chew us for saying this but it's true. You start to feel like your wife is an extension of yourself. If you can survive on a torn shirt if it means buying your dad/brother/mother something nice, then you start to think that your wife should also make that sacrifice 'cause she 'owes' your parents.
Lekin again as the masters have said here, you do realise that you're being childish and it's not just your emotions but you're also responsible for some1 elses wellbeing. For me the wakeup call came when my dad noticed the way i was treating my wife and told me to grow up and be a man.
As happy endings go, my whole family (including the extended family) have nothing but praise for my wife. I dont even know the name of my cousins that she is friends with.
Was i wrong in the beginning? Yes I was!
Re: A guy’s persepective about love marriages …
yeah but it happens sometimes and not every time…like one of my family members had a love marriage and they both went against the family and noone attended their marriage and it was a whole dramatic situation…and the parents of the guy refused to accept his wife and what they did was that they moved to canada and didnt contact anyone and now after 15 years of marriage ,everything is going so smooth b/w the two and their families…and the husband is still as nice to his wife as before and prefers his wife over the family..always…so i think we cant generalize this thing..both the extremes do exist..
please say yes:blush:
Great thread! Women listen to this man. He speaks the truth. I can say the same for me and almost all of my friends. When ladies ask the question "Why did he change after marriage?" Here is the answer. Pakistani guys grow up in an environment where they are beaten in to submission. 'Respect your parents' is what we've been brainwashed with from day1. Essentially falling in love and chosing someone on your own is ones first and only act of rebellion. Nothing sounds and feels more right than to marry the girl you've chosen for yourself. lekin after the parents have grudgingly agreed, the sense of guilt starts to sink in. The new wife seems as beautiful as ever but it seems so much more permenant than your aging parents. They suddenly look more frail and weak and you feel guilty that you've done them wrong. Offcourse this is not at all logical and the feminazi here will chew us for saying this but it's true. You start to feel like your wife is an extension of yourself. If you can survive on a torn shirt if it means buying your dad/brother/mother something nice, then you start to think that your wife should also make that sacrifice 'cause she 'owes' your parents. Lekin again as the masters have said here, you do realise that you're being childish and it's not just your emotions but you're also responsible for some1 elses wellbeing. For me the wakeup call came when my dad noticed the way i was treating my wife and told me to grow up and be a man. As happy endings go, my whole family (including the extended family) have nothing but praises for my wife. I dont even know the name of cousins that she is friends with. Was i wrong in the beginning? Yes I was!
:)
i totally agree with TLK , and i dont think this only happens with guiys . but girls also do the same. intially they rebel aganst their parents to marry the guy and once they have him they feel guilty and run to their parents after every little argument.
everybody getting married or married needs to understand that you need to work at a marriage , it wont be perfect overnight. no matter how perfect you though you were for each other.
it doesnt matter if in the beginning you may need to comprimise a little , or bear a little. TLK is right , it is a phase and it will be over. it seems like women and men nowadays have little patience and are just not willing to comprimise at all. its either my way of the highway.
things that TLK mentioned are true and do happen in every marriage , marriage is really not a bed of roses where its love and happyness the whole time.
Re: A guy’s persepective about love marriages …
This is one of very few interesting and thought provoking threads.
Thanks guys for sharing your experiences. :k:
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
It hurts to read this cuz i am going hard on someone because of his not very understand behavior. deep inside me something keeps reminding me of all the good things he did. Keep posting around TLK to keep my morale high:(
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
thanks for sharing your experience TLK.
you may have taught a few people a few things and made life better for them and their significant others....
Re: A guy’s persepective about love marriages …
^ as Muzna said , thanks so much TLK for sharing your experience.
Can I add all those who think a man is acting jerky when he gives a bit more attention to his parents … Just a word of advise , his parents and brothers and sisters where there in his life before his wife …his love for them is very different then the way he loves his wife …
A really sincere wife would support her husband in trying to bridge the gap between the new change … make it easy for his parents and him to accept you … it demands a hell of a sacrifice .. but all women who do it , compromise and sacrifice see the sweet fruit a little while later …
I think Niksik did the very right thing , its very hard to do .. but she did it and mashallah I am sure this has only increased TLK’s love for her in his heart 
Re: A guy’s persepective about love marriages …
Thanks guys for the kind words.
Stork, nice sharing dude :k:
Neha555111, you are right, extremes are on both sides. That is why I called my thread ‘my perspective’. I say yes to you 
Mizzrani, that running back to the parents after every arguement part is very true. I have seen that happening within my family. In fact, X2’s thread is exactly about that. Avoiding temptation of updating your parents about every fault of your spouse is the key to succesful marriage.
Lama, thanks
Jalpari, keep up the good expectation and willingness to have a strong marriage. We all are adults and it takes sometime for 2 adults to figure out the harmony that is required to keep a marriage going. But at the end, its all worth it.
Thanks Muzna
Re: A guy's persepective about love marriages ...
Hmmmm... (credit goes to your wifey - I think she is one mature sensible lady)
Lets say... if the the roles the reversed. After getting married she starting taking it out on you because of her guilt? As a guy.... would you have put up with it?
CB, your advice about keeping the fact in mind that his family was part of his life way before the wife came in is very true. On the flip side, it is the responsibilty of inlaws to make the wife feel welcomed. At the end, its husband's responsibilty to keep a good balance so no one feels insecure.
Lets say... if the the roles the reversed. After getting married she starting taking it out on you because of her guilt? As a guy.... would you have put up with it?
I am sure I would have.
But NJ, this is not the point. Role of the guy is different, it can never be reversed. For 99 % of the times, a normal wife does not have to put any effort to balance out the relationships between her parents and her husband. She never has to face the pressure that a guy faces.
I am sure I would have.
But NJ, this is not the point. Role of the guy is different, it can never be reversed. For 99 % of the times, a normal wife does not have to put any effort to balance out the relationships between her parents and her husband. She never has to face the pressure that a guy faces.
But dont you think she has a different kind of pressure...to understand and adjust with the new relationships that come with marriage...?
she might not have the same roles as that of the guy but its not easy for her either....
