Re: A girl with a past?
Guy wants to skip. No other issue.
Re: A girl with a past?
Sorry haven't read the whole thread ... but Islamically, if a guy and a girl are sexually involved then they MUST marry each other .
Now I don't know the details but that's what I heard in Talawat other day.
So true.
Once I was reading ayat about divorce, God put down the rules and then ask a question some thing like "how could you leave each other after intimately knowing each other"(in my words)
I will try to find the verse and post here.
Re: A girl with a past?
So true. Once I was reading ayat about divorce, God put down the rules and then ask a question some thing like "how could you leave each other after intimately knowing each other"(in my words)
I will try to find the verse and post here.
Please don't. You know why I say that.
Re: A girl with a past?
one thing is for sure...girls with a past, ARE FReakking AMAZING IN BED. good Lord!
Re: A girl with a past?
^So the guy with out past would have compatibility issue then ?
Can we please merge this thread into "intellectual compatibility" thread ?
Re: A girl with a past?
Would you as parents of a boy allow him to marry a girl that he's been sexually active with? The boy and girl love each other very much. The girl is very intelligent, Ivy-league educated, good-looking, well-off, from a good family, and appears to be a good person apart from the fact that she was involved with the boy. They want to get married now after knowing each other for four years.
What are the chances of such a marriage being allowed? As the boy or the girl, is there anything that can be done to make the parents agree? Thoughts?
If you were stupid enough to go that far why not get married as well and handle stuff later?
Look at smart people :D
Re: A girl with a past?
why would he tell his parents that he got physical with her ? thats like asking them to say no to their marriage
Re: A girl with a past?
If you think about it , now your mom seems to be at fault. Her son was equally involved in the mistake. Was there any repentance or was it seen as a mistake. Now if he wants to bring any girl as wife, on what grounds is she being rejected?
If you have seen the girl , may be you can play a key role in convincing your mom. Shedding some light on the issue might help her change mind. You should know that girls usually have more to lose than guys (or am I too old school?)
Try encouraging your brother to make it work.
Re: A girl with a past?
To everybody who replied, thanks for taking the time do so. My brother attempted suicide once again after my parents said no to the girl.
By the grace of God, we stopped him in time. Parents still blame the girl for this even though, she's the only reason he's alive today. I've met the girl, she's a wonderful person and he loves her more than life itself.
To me it seems like my parents feel very betrayed by my brother, my mother is also worried about what society will say if he brings home a bride of his choice.
To those saying my brother is trying to get out, please don't joke about this, to him it's quite literally a matter of life and death.
Why should she need STD tests and polygraphs? She's never been with anyone but my brother.
Re: A girl with a past?
why would he tell his parents that he got physical with her ? thats like asking them to say no to their marriage
They found out. Read some of the texts on his phone.
Re: A girl with a past?
If you think about it , now your mom seems to be at fault. Her son was equally involved in the mistake. Was there any repentance or was it seen as a mistake. Now if he wants to bring any girl as wife, on what grounds is she being rejected?
If you have seen the girl , may be you can play a key role in convincing your mom. Shedding some light on the issue might help her change mind. You should know that girls usually have more to lose than guys (or am I too old school?)
Try encouraging your brother to make it work.
My brother apologized for betraying their trust but stayed firm on wanting to marry her. I've met the girl, I think she's perfect for him.
Re: A girl with a past?
Firstly, you're parents could start by not blaming solely the girl or placing a higher emphasis on her role...as it takes two to tango.
Secondly, your brother should grow a pair and marry her now.
No need for moral or religious explanation. Its pretty simple.
Re: A girl with a past?
I can understand that your parents feel disappointed and betrayed in the sense that he resumed contact with this girl after they disapproved of it. But they shouldn't feel 'betrayed' that he committed zina because he did not transgress a right of theirs, he didn't violate anything of theirs or steal from them. He transgressed a boundary of Allah's, so it's to Him that he should repent. It's His forgiveness that is needed here, not your parents' forgiveness.
By preventing the rishta, your parents are infringing upon your brother's rights, not the other way around. The mistake is already done with. Allah may even have forgiven your brother and this girl for a mistake that is ONLY Allah's right to forgive, not your parents'. This isn't a violation of huqooq ul ibaad so it does bot warrant such stubbornness from your parents. That said, it's His decision to punish however He deems fit or to forgive....so why do your parents feel that they have the right to implement the punishment of rejecting this rishta as a consequence when, again, it's not their right to do so. I may be wrong in my thinking but there's an arrogance in your parents' mentality. It's like human beings acting like mini-gods (astagfirullah).
The root of your predicament is your parents' attitude or iman. Why don't you ask them what people would say if he committed suicide? Or what people would say if he ends up divorcing the girl that his heart wasn't into marrying? Or why they feel the need to punish him when the sin committed was between him, the girl and Allah...and only Allah has the right to forgive or punish. Or why is it that they are being unjust in their blame when Allah has made zina in all its degrees a sin for both men and women, so why is girl being blamed more? Why don't they worry about what people would say if he were to elope behind their backs? They're so consumed by what folks will say if he has a 'louuwwe marriage' that they can't see all the other potential problems. Why don't you point them out?
Why aren't you asking your parents these questions? Which would not only be counter-questions to their lame arguments, but would also challenge their views and hopefully make them think about their double standards. You don't have to be nasty about it, but call em out on it. It'll make em squirm, but they'll definitely question their own intentions. Have the courage to ask the right questions.
Your brother could marry her without their approval and that way parents may later on scramble to get a proper shadi done as a cover up to silence any gossip that may arise. Or will they then force your brother to get a divorce? Or will they force him to marry another girl but keep first marriage on the down low? Both would be oppression. They want pure larki for their boy eh? Kinda unfair to that girl, no? That's oppression too. Have the courage to point out the hypocrasies, albeit, respectfully to your parents. As much as we love our parents and want their approval, they aren't farishtay and sometimes need to be shown the mirror.
Re: A girl with a past?
Lots of hypocrisy in the world, still mostly against females. Whenever a females is even raped or divorced, her 'value' already decreases. A male can even sleep around with many females who are not is his wives, he can be a known wive beater, a known nasty person, yet he will be easily forgiven and his izzat won't go away that quickly. Some 'izzat' that is, in our culture.
In this case, I agree that both the girl and boy were responsible for their action and it's unfair to only blame her. They were both wrong. I'm saying this as a mother. I have a son too. If he would do this, I would accept the girl and allow the marriage. I would let them know I feel that what they did is wrong, but I wouldn't only blame the girl.
Re: A girl with a past?
Honey this is dumping in process.. He was mature enough to @#$% but not take responsibility ? I would talk to the girl, ask her to make peace... and move on... And NEVER do such thing again....with no one... God would provide... (if muslim)
Sher!
My parents aren't agreeing, and I want to know if people have ideas on how I can help. He wants to marry her and he loves her, but he wants our parents to be happy too. He's scared they'll disown him.
I've met the girl, I can't understand how the two of them had a physical relationship. They both pray, read Quran, fast, she dresses modestly etc. When I asked how they could've done something like that, their answer was that they love each other. I think she's a good human being, yes, and she cares about my brother more than anyone else in the world, I would love to have her as my SIL.
This post reminds me of a beautiful song.
Hosh valon ko khabar kya bekhudi kya cheez hai
Ishq kije phir samajhiye zindagi kya cheez hai
Unse nazrein kya mili roshan fizayen ho gayi
Aaj jaana pyar ki jaadugari kya cheez hai
Khulti zulfon ne sikhayi mausamon ko shayari
Jhukti aankhon ne bataya maikashi kya cheez hai
Hum labon se keh na paye unse haal-e-dil kabhi
Aur voh samjhe nahin yeh khamoshi kya cheez hai
Re: A girl with a past?
Yes get married asap.
Re: A girl with a past?
Just marry her, get the nikah done.
Re: A girl with a past?
I don't know what parents should do, but i'm just wondering how the heck did they even find out? Did the guy himself tell :/ isn't that the most awkward thing in the world even if you were married. In our culture, some people even dont sit next to eachother in front of parents..
Re: A girl with a past?
I think yes, why not.
i know so many guys who has sexual relations with random girls and then marry the nice girl.. so why cant the interaction be mutual?? the guy should own upto his acts as much as the girl
they made a huge mistake, now its time they fix it and repent.. not marry other people..
plus sex is a very personal decision that they decided to take themselves.. its between them and Allah.. we should not disqualify a girl just because she had sex.. the guy should be disqualified too.. but we all know how common it is for men to sleep around before and after marriage.
Re: A girl with a past?
and exactly, how did the parents find out? did they tell themselves? were the caught? HOW!