Would you as parents of a boy allow him to marry a girl that he’s been sexually active with? The boy and girl love each other very much. The girl is very intelligent, Ivy-league educated, good-looking, well-off, from a good family, and appears to be a good person apart from the fact that she was involved with the boy. They want to get married now after knowing each other for four years.
What are the chances of such a marriage being allowed? As the boy or the girl, is there anything that can be done to make the parents agree? Thoughts?
This very intelligent girl, was she so intelligent, that rules did not matter to her, she went at it ?
Or she was not so smart and some one lured her into it ?
Would she tell her daughter "beta keep to your self till you find husband.. or it would complicate your and your family life"
Or She would tell her husband "oh our daughter is going to make her own choices" ?
Stuff like that...
First person who should matter in considering her mistakes is her self....How she feels about it...
She wasn't lured into anything, both the girl and the boy she wants to marry consciously decided to have a physical relationship.
In addition, why is it being ignored that the boy also had a role in this? The two of them decided together that they wanted a physical relationship, the two of them now want to get married.
She wasn't lured into anything, both the girl and the boy she wants to marry consciously decided to have a physical relationship.
In addition, why is it being ignored that the boy also had a role in this? The two of them decided together that they wanted a physical relationship, the two of them now want to get married.
Well I don;t see a thread for the boy, saying "boy with past" etc.
So here is news for her, she was lured. Seems like she haven't realized her mistakes. so...
Would you as parents of a boy allow him to marry a girl that he's been sexually active with? The boy and girl love each other very much. The girl is very intelligent, Ivy-league educated, good-looking, well-off, from a good family, and appears to be a good person apart from the fact that she was involved with the boy. They want to get married now after knowing each other for four years.
What are the chances of such a marriage being allowed? As the boy or the girl, is there anything that can be done to make the parents agree? Thoughts?
If they've been intimate with each other it would make sense for them to marry but I can't see the average boy's parents being ok with it.. She'll often be viewed as 'easy' whilst he'll be seen as 'misled' and less at fault (if at all)..
Do the parents know there's been a sexual relationship? IF he's 100% firm that he wants to marry her then I'd be more optimistic.. When I say that I mean if he makes it clear to his parents that other options are off the table, that he wants this girl and won't budge no matter how much emotional blackmail or drama might be thrown his way..
You want people here to think like your parents? Come on you've been living with them for so long so who better than you to understand them. What does it matter anyway what people here think?
Your brother had the courage of do everything before marriage for all these years, now he is thinking about getting blessings from his parents and their agreement? That time is gone IMO, he should marry her even if your parents don't agree, they did not matter before so I don't see any reason to consider their opinion now.
If they have been involved with each other and now want to get married, it's a good thing in my view. Otherwise some other poor girl and guy will have to pay the price for (mis)adventures of your brother and his girlfriend.
BTW what are your thoughts as a sister? would you accept her as your SIL?
Firstly can i ask why was it even disclosed to your parents that they had a physical relationship? All her positive qualities are overlooked by the fact your brother and her made a choice to be physical? People make mistakes and if theyre both wanting to marry then whats the harm? Are u sure there isnt more to it?
I would always encourage my kods to refrain from activitiy which isnt permissable but i cant force or keep an eye on them 24/7. Alot of people date some do some dont get physical i dont see why shes being pointed at only
If they've been intimate with each other it would make sense for them to marry but I can't see the average boy's parents being ok with it.. She'll often be viewed as 'easy' whilst he'll be seen as 'misled' and less at fault (if at all)..
Do the parents know there's been a sexual relationship? IF he's 100% firm that he wants to marry her then I'd be more optimistic.. When I say that I mean if he makes it clear to his parents that other options are off the table, that he wants this girl and won't budge no matter how much emotional blackmail or drama might be thrown his way..
Yes, my parents know for a fact that there was some sort of sexual relationship. I understand what you mean about her seeming easy, but taali dou hath se bajti hai. They found out about the relationship a few years ago, and they made him break it off but he kept it going in secret. Now they want to get married, but it doesn't look like my parents will ever say yes, and he wants to marry her but not without their consent. So there's a lot of drama at home. I just want to see if there's something I can do to help.
You want people here to think like your parents? Come on you've been living with them for so long so who better than you to understand them. What does it matter anyway what people here think?
Your brother had the courage of do everything before marriage for all these years, now he is thinking about getting blessings from his parents and their agreement? That time is gone IMO, he should marry her even if your parents don't agree, they did not matter before so I don't see any reason to consider their opinion now.
If they have been involved with each other and now want to get married, it's a good thing in my view. Otherwise some other poor girl and guy will have to pay the price for (mis)adventures of your brother and his girlfriend.
BTW what are your thoughts as a sister? would you accept her as your SIL?
My parents aren't agreeing, and I want to know if people have ideas on how I can help. He wants to marry her and he loves her, but he wants our parents to be happy too. He's scared they'll disown him.
I've met the girl, I can't understand how the two of them had a physical relationship. They both pray, read Quran, fast, she dresses modestly etc. When I asked how they could've done something like that, their answer was that they love each other. I think she's a good human being, yes, and she cares about my brother more than anyone else in the world, I would love to have her as my SIL.
Yes, my parents know for a fact that there was some sort of sexual relationship. I understand what you mean about her seeming easy, but taali dou hath se bajti hai. They found out about the relationship a few years ago, and they made him break it off but he kept it going in secret. Now they want to get married, but it doesn't look like my parents will ever say yes, and he wants to marry her but not without their consent. So there's a lot of drama at home. I just want to see if there's something I can do to help.
Honey this is dumping in process.. He was mature enough to @#$% but not take responsibility ?
I would talk to the girl, ask her to make peace... and move on...
And NEVER do such thing again....with no one... God would provide...
(if muslim)
Firstly can i ask why was it even disclosed to your parents that they had a physical relationship? All her positive qualities are overlooked by the fact your brother and her made a choice to be physical? People make mistakes and if theyre both wanting to marry then whats the harm? Are u sure there isnt more to it?
I would always encourage my kods to refrain from activitiy which isnt permissable but i cant force or keep an eye on them 24/7. Alot of people date some do some dont get physical i dont see why shes being pointed at only
My parents found out, my mother read through my brother's phone when he had left it unattended a few years ago. They made him break it off and swear never to speak to her, but he kept the relationship going until they finished college and are old enough to get married. All the qualities are being overlooked in my parents' anger.
I love the girl as if she was my sister. And they love each other very very much. I'm worried that if my parents don't consent, my brother and her will never be happy.
Honey this is dumping in process.. He was mature enough to @#$% but not take responsibility ?
I would talk to the girl, ask her to make peace... and move on...
And NEVER do such thing again....with no one... God would provide...
(if muslim)
That's an option, but he's not willing to let go of her either. He just keeps fighting with the parents.
They don't really have the right to object if it's because of her past, considering their son was the willing partner..
I agree completely, but is there a way to make my parents understand that? My mother is insisting that he marries a girl of her choice, maybe one of our cousins.
The girl has a stable job, a high class degree, from a good family and is good-looking, my brother is still unemployed. He won't get a girl like her again, especially not one who cares about him this much and who understands him so well.
My brother tried to commit suicide three years ago, and she saved his life. My parents are still not understanding.