I want the ladies to answer…
what do you prefer or is a lesser evil…
A husband, who has relationships out of marriage, but does not marry second time?
or a husband who marries second time, but has no relations outside of his marriages?
which one is a lesser evil?
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
If it had to be one of those 2 options I'd rather the cheating husband cos it's more likely the 'other woman' won't be around for the rest of my life..
Given the choice tho, I'd just divorce and find someone else who actually does want to be with just me.. can't be bothered with a 'part-time' husband.. Not hard to remarry nowadays, in the West at least..
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
For the religious ones, the second one would be the lesser evil. And it does make some sense from the ethical perspective because there is acknowledgment of the relationship and no 'betrayal' per se.
For me, there is not much difference in the two situations because my needs from a marriage/man are not practical/financial/social etc. but emotional and for companionship sake.
Dump him or dump him. And remarry. Like Deeba said, part-time will not work.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
Damned if U do , Damned if U don't !
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
Please, we cannot and should not compare both situations. Both maybe social taboo but one is a major sin, the other is not.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
It is his and her problem. Why I worry about it ?
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
Please, we cannot and should not compare both situations.
Agreed, however the guy in both situations must be a major douche bag.
[quote]
Both maybe social taboo but one is a major sin, the other is not.
[/QUOTE]
Sin or no sin is upto the one above to decide, but polygamy is a crime in many countries.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
Sin or no sin is up to the one above to decide, but polygamy is a crime in many countries.
is not that sad? Polygamy is a punishable crime in many countries but cheating on ones wife is not a punishable crime in the same countries.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
Please, we cannot and should not compare both situations. Both maybe social taboo but one is a major sin, the other is not.
You can compare cos whilst it might not be a sin just to take another wife it is a sin to mistreat or neglect ur wife.. from real-life situations it does seem that a lot of guys who take a second wife do neglect their first wife and family for their new wife/toy..
A lot of first wives end up suffering depression or suffer silently. Unless it's done properly and the conditions are stuck to (regarding time and money spent on each of them and their families) of course it's halal but otherwise it's not.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
.. Umm ... i don't like either one of them .. but if i really had to pick .. i'd go with husband marrying the second time instead of him cheating and betrayin.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
You can compare cos whilst it might not be a sin just to take another wife it is a sin to mistreat or neglect ur wife..
you are mixing 2 things. an unhappy wife is not always a neglected wife, an over demanding wife can be an unhappy wife too but that does not make her husband a sinner. Somehow, treating your wife fairly and making your wife happy are thrown in such a way that it seems like the same thing. They are 2 diff things and yes, hubby will be questioned for the first one but not necessarily for the second one.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
is not that sad? Polygamy is a punishable crime in many countries but cheating on ones wife is not a punishable crime in the same countries.
It is but actually, it might not be defined as a crime but one can be in serious crap if the wifey files for divorce based on his infidelity.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
TLK, I'm not mixing them up, I just said it was a sin for her husband to mistreat or neglect her, not that he would be held accountable if she simply felt mistreated or neglected..
Those of us who do know men who've taken more than one wife know it's very rare for them to treat them equally, he'll tend to spend more time with his 'favourite' or buy more gifts for her and her kids which is clearly not allowed. A lot of men who've taken wife 2/3/4 have already been having affairs with them and now want to legitimise those relationships eg. he has gotten her pregnant or he now wants to actually have kids with her after sleeping with her for several months (or years). It's v.rare for a guy to go down the 'halal' route and find someone whilst maintaining a distance or by asking others to suggest someone like in an arranged marriage. Also, there are those strange situations where husband is not getting along with wife no.1 for whatever reason but can't be bothered to try and sort things out so just goes off and finds someone else..
Those who think that by letting a man have 4 wives legally it's a way of 'handling' his desire are being naive.. It's not uncommon for wealthy Arab men who already have 4 wives to also have mistresses on the side or chop and change wives every few years when they get bored. The sad truth is that most of these men aren't any more loyal or 'decent' than the average Western guy.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
is not that sad? Polygamy is a punishable crime in many countries but cheating on ones wife is not a punishable crime in the same countries.
Are you saying that the state should respect privacy/personal values in both cases? In other words, neither of them should be counted as criminal?
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
I am saying what I am saying jojo, is that what is allowed is a crime and what is not allowed is not.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
But that is according to our values. Most of these countries were founded on Non-Islamic principles. Also, change is coming. First gay unions were not allowed, now these countries are moving toward recognizing unions.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
chalo I understand and agree with you, but still why cheating is not as punishable as polygamy in such countries. Are not they the same crime, in fact cheating is more of a crime than polygamy as in cheating, lying and fraud is also involved.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
I do understand your points and agree too. That's why in my earlier post I did say that polygamy does not involve betrayal while cheating does.
Personally, I feel that neither should be punishable as long as human rights are not violated. Because marriage is more of a contract between two people rather than the state and the person and violating that contract is more of a sin than a crime.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
i would prefer if he cheats on me rather than marries another woman who wil be entitled to his property and money!! no way am I sharing his paycheck with someone.
Re: A cheating husband or a second wife?
is not that sad? Polygamy is a punishable crime in many countries but cheating on ones wife is not a punishable crime in the same countries.
No it's not sad. wahts sad is that polygamy is legal in many countries! polygamy is a practice that degrades women.
Cheating on your spouse works both ways, it's not sexist like polygamy. women cheat, men cheat. equal. polygamy = only man gets to have multiple partners. so yeah its unfair and sexist BS