Why the attitude of entitlement just because a woman becomes a doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc? It's great that they studied hard for these professions, but did you do it with the intention to better society or to receive the people's adulation or to land rishtas?
Is appreciation for a woman's professional contributions shown in various ways or is it limited to rishta approvals? And if one doesn't approve of your rishta, then that automatically means they don't value female doctors, lawyers, and other professionals?
You're being unfair to both groups of women by defining one's overall worth by her education and career and the other by her lack of it. In either case, you are not taking into account the overall personality. You're dismissing BOTH groups of women as individuals, even the professional ones you revere because, they too, want to be valued for more than just their job titles. You can even say it's just a partial respect for the professional woman because on one hand you're admiring them and on the other hand you've reduced them. Another angle of argument is that the respect for the professions is lessened when a sense of entitlement is associated with them especially for professions that are considered humble and noble by society and require humility in dealing with people of different backgrounds including the less educated. Your argument s that rishta rejection signifies lack of regard or appreciation for the professions. But in a sense believing that it entitles one to rishtas cheapens the value of the profession.
Not saying it’s the only factor, Ghost, but it’s not rocket science to know that societies flourish and are respected when they are educated and enlightened. That mental roshni doesn’t come through so much when you raise your 34 yr old sons with these silly ideas of “beta, she needs to be 21-25, theek hai, no more than 25, woh bohat ziada ho jayga”.
Crazy. A friend of a friend’s - he is 36, I KID YOU NOT, his mom and sisters insist that the girl is 21-24, and my friend tells me that even 25 is too much for his mom, so he sits around hanging out with other single guys on Saturday nights, asking people that if anyone knows someone in this age range, please let him and his mom know.
No reason, bhus, she needs to be that young. I have girlfriends who are 30-34, he doesn’t want to meet them. Come to think of it, I think that’s why I’ve been dwelling a lot on this topic ever since I came to know of this guy and his families wishes. Just pathetic.
And I know this thread has been veered towards 30 yr old women who work, but there are plenty of 30+ yr old girls who are single, never married, and NOT WORKING, and they don't get asked for. Families will see this, and they'll go after the girl's younger sister who might be in her twenties.
^ happens all the time. The rishta that came for my one cousin in Pakistan, the guy liked her younger sis instead...because she was "shy" and not as forward, confident and educated as her big sis. So they decide to marry the younger one to this guy instead and the guy turns out to be a COMPLETE turd. He pretty much treats her like a slave. He never buys her anything, not even new clothes on EID (even though he makes good money). 15 years and 3 kids later, he divorces her. Why? Because after 15 years of being treated like utter garbage, she started standing up for herself and asking for her "basic rights" and he thought, "how dare she." Anyways, a month after divorcing her, he already found some next victim to marry and he's keeping the 3 kids. She has never worked a day in her life (although she has a commerce degree) but still it is way harder to get a job in Pakistan - especially if you did NOTHING with your education for so long. My other cousin (this poor girl's older sis) ended up marrying another guy a few years later (she was 30 or 31 when married) and he is a decent guy. She was much better off because she was well educated and had a good career. Never feel bad about pursuing higher education and making a career. You are securing your future. Women that get married young often stop working because their husbands don't want them to and sometimes they get screwed over if the marriage doesn't work out. Women should NEVER be fully dependent on men....not even married women.
And there we have it folks. The root cause of all problems in Pakistan. Can u please leave biryani and kebab out of this?
How many husbands have a daily demand for biryani and kababs in the first place? There's more to life than cooking, sure. But there is sawab in making a meal, even a simple one, that brings your family together. The most fundamental institution of society is marriage, family, the home. When that is in shambles, it will result in many societal problems. The success of a country is not only rooted in the education of women and their joining the work force. It's also dependent upon the maintenance of healthy relationships within our homes and that requires mutual compromise and sacrifice. If your career comes at the expense of your marriage and family, you won't feel a deep sense of fulfillment even if you're very successful at work. Even for men, their assigned obligation as providers is connected to the family first, not the whole of society. It starts from the home.
Yes women should be educated so they can rely upon themselves in situations like divorce. And in some severe cases, divorce is best. But generally, divorces are damaging to to children and society. Marriages in our times lack ahtram, regard, patience. Everyone wants to be mughal prince or princess...it's my way or the highway, I'm never going to this so you better forget about it. Lack of flexibility.
We wanna have precautions set in place for AFTER the problem happens. Like treating the effects of a disease but not exercising precautions to prevent the disease in the first place. Not knowing how to yield and compromise to make a marriage work, but being satisfied in the belief that my education will come to my rescue after the divorce. Not giving your home the best but wanting to conquer society's problems with professional contributions. Not fulfilling a religion obligation or farz to the best of your ability, but being more worried about a religious right which is lesser in value. Maybe the root of society's woes is not the marriage or home, but rather the individual and his/her rigidity, obstinance, and not having priorities in the right order.
I'd love to cook for my husband. Enjoying a meal of biranyi and kabab together has nothing to do with 30 year old women and their woes
I don't see what the big deal is with cooking -- making roti, biryani and what not. Both my mom and my khala worked as doctors and that didn't stop them from cooking great meals.
I don't see what the big deal is with cooking -- making roti, biryani and what not. Both my mom and my khala worked as doctors and that didn't stop them from cooking great meals.
Exactly. Not only that, but why get so worked up over a demand such as cooking before even getting married? You know you're gonna have to cook after marriage, no surprise there. It's easy to say things before the actual experience that may sound rigid in their wording, but after marriage there is flexibility in roles if a couple has a healthy relationship; they help each other out. Food is powerful, it's a means of creating happy memories. It actually evokes pleasant memories of our loved ones. It's an expression of affection. Making even a simple but delicious meal that your husband enjoys can bring you two closer, bring the family together. Happiness is not limited to professional success.
why this emphasis on women that they have to be cookin g after marriage? men have mehndi on their hands? can't they not cook? why are they above women?
why this emphasis on women that they have to be cookin g after marriage? men have mehndi on their hands? can't they not cook? why are they above women?
The issue of this thread is NOT who does the cooking. The issue is that cooking is seen as something DEGRADING and LOW.
[mod] Please stick to the topic posted by OP. Thank you. [/mod]
Sure. I'd say that not being married by 30 may be viewed as a setback rather than a life sentence. I know of several girls among family friends and relatives who got married in their 30's, including one who had been divorced. And it at least 2 cases, with guys in their same age range (give or take 3 years).
age is just a number. what counts most is how compatible you are with the other person. i have seen 40 yr old women happily marrying a younger guy and vice versa. there is much more to life than marrying a "young" girl who makes perfect gol rotis :D
There was this old lady that passed away in her apartment. Neighbours found out 2 days later.
That's so sad! We had a lady like that in our community. Apparently she was a doctor, but no one in the community knew her. After she passed away, we couldn't find anyone to claim/wash/bury the body so the local Musallah ended up taking up the responsibility
if pakistani culture began to accept having kids without having to get married (i mean you could adopt instead of artificial insemination)...then you could technically have a family without needing a husband...
plus there has to be more to life than a husband...
