Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I wanted to add a little humor to the thread.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I know someone who end up being a second wife to some molvi back in Pakistan. Yup she left her career and America for that. Sorry doesn't know much detail how it all worked out .
Both genders should get married young, this saves them from many problems and obstacles later on.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I don’t see why it should be so hard to understand. Especially for those who go on and on and on about how educated they are. Maybe their education isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? When our parents/older generation perceived odds against us and in favor of locals for jobs/education etc. opportunities, they didn’t sit back and whine endlessly about it. They told us that it is what it is. You’ve got to go out there and work hard to get an edge over the competition.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
There are two drums here apparently. One is what you just describe (For now the argument isn’t if that’s right or wrong)
and other is
Problem with 30+ single ladies is…
Based on the sample size of what? One individual?
I wish you or anyone in this (or any other thread for that matter) had mentioned a few point that could be generalized to the majority of the 30+ females.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I don't see why it should be so hard to understand. Especially for those who go on and on and on about how educated they are. Maybe their education isn't all it's cracked up to be? When our parents/older generation perceived odds against us and in favor of locals for jobs/education etc. opportunities, they didn't sit back and whine endlessly about it. They told us that it is what it is. You've got to go out there and work hard to get an edge over the competition.
She took a shot at your your marriage, you shot back a few times. Now move on.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
There are two drums here apparently. One is what you just describe (For now the argument isn't if that's right or wrong)
and other is
*Problem with 30+ single ladies is.... *
*Based on the sample size of what? One individual? *
I wish you or anyone in this (or any other thread for that matter) had mentioned a few point that could be generalized to the majority of the 30+ females.
Oh... I didnt know all the other things mentioned here were based on sample sizes? ;)
Let it go. You're taking it way too seriously. :)
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
She took a shot at your your marriage, you shot back a few times. Now move on.
I'm really not holding a grudge over it. If I were, my responses wouldn't have been this civil. I have tried to mention things that could be helpful to those in her situation. This is not what a retaliation from my part would look like.
I couldn't care less what some third party observer who has no real insight into my married life thinks about it. This wouldn't be the first time people have made baseless assumptions about my marriage and probably won't be the last.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I think we are just flogging a dead horse here....seriously guys let's move on. Guys who married 20 year olds or want to marry 20 year olds should go ahead and do so as marriage is a very personal matter and people shouldn't have any opinion about what someone else wants in a marriage. If they find it, great. If they don't then it's their problem. You should focus on what you have. And if you are not happy with what you have, then focus on how you can make your current situation better. What a depressing thread this has been. And by the way, people bashing 30 year olds, not every 30 year old woman, who is not able to find a match, is complaining so please stop making them sound like they are cynical old ladies who hate everyone and every one's happiness.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I want a 30 year old wifey to be my consigliere to help me manage my criminal empire, and a 20 year old wifey to take care of my estate and household. Is that too much to ask?
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
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Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Whatever floats your boat bro…
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I have a feeling when your children who you will make into lawyers and doctors will be told to sit at home and make parathas after YOU'VE put all the time and energy making them into who you are, you'll be telling those rishtas to get stepping. My mom is a stay at home, you'd think she'd be ok with me making rotis at home, since she makes them but paradoxically it seems when a parent invests their time and effort into raising a kid to use their mind, it makes them very unhappy when a guy and his family do everything to break that down.
If guys can CHOOSE to get married to 20 year olds, then there are plenty of 20 year olds, in the majority actually, who CHOOSE to do other stuff with their life than be chained to a tawaa their whole life while their husband lives and they do not.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
To an extent, I do get what PCG is saying, but don't agree with how she's saying it.
To want to marry an 18 or 19 year old girl because she is young and therefore malleable is not something I myself think highly of, but hey different strokes for different folks. But that's not necessarily the reality - yes, some guys have a preference for younger girls, but that's not their sole criteria. The guy also look at her tameez/tehzeeb, ghardaari, values, family environment - they look at the sum whole of who she is and her age is but one element of her character.
This is no different than the girl who marries a guy with a masters degree. I'd like to think she's not marrying him because he has a master's degree - that is one element of his whole. I would hope that the girl also considered his character, values, nature. The same way the guy wouldn't marry ANY 18 year old, is just as the girl wouldn't marry any guy with a masters degree - they look beyond these characteristics.
Have I known guys in my social circle who married fine young things because the girls were young and beautiful, yup! I know two guys (doctors, both of them) who were 32 and 33 respectively and they married girls who were 18 and 20, the girls were young and stunning! Both couples are still married, and I'd like to believe quite happily. Making a marriage work requires the participation of both people and if they had no problem with the age difference, then that's their choice. - the couples compatibility transcends age - it doesn't define them.
On the other hand, I know of another couple where the guy was 9 years older than his wife and they couldn't make their marriage work - he cited the age difference and her immaturity.
Stereotyping or generalizing doesn't serve any purpose other than to limit your own world view. One or two or even a dozen examples does not define the values of the larger group. It defines those specific individuals.
I don't think it's the guys necessarily, it's their families. They will set a requirement - she has to be within X-Z age range. Then from that pool, they'll find girls they like and families they like, and then show the pictures to their sons. That's how it usually works, otherwise, for a guy himself to say he wants someone 10 yrs younger of his own volition doesn't happen on it's own, if it does, it's usually a discriminatory factor ingrained in him by his family. It's funny that people think this is my usual man-hating criticisms on our society, but this is not a problem from men, it's a problem from women.
Our women themselves do not value education and independence in the women that marry into their household, they just want someone to take care of the ladlaa boys. Cook and clean for them, like maids.
That's why we see this habit of one standard for one's own daughters, and another standard for other girls. We will make our own daughters into professionals and find the best of best of men for them that will work AROUND THEIR schedules and career plannings, but then when it comes to the bahu, no, her education and career is irrelevant, she needs to make the food every day and that's it.
There's more to life than cooking biryani and kababs for mughal kings every night, I hope so, otherwise our society is seriously doomed. Keeping 50% of our people behind doors and not letting them think and engage in society is precisely why we have the problems we have in Pakistan. The men run that society, not women, and look at what Pakistan has become. A total wastebasket of terrorism, fighting, guns, and violence. It's like the laadla boys are being allowed to live their hollywood fantasies while sensible folks are told to make rotis.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I don't think it's the guys necessarily, it's their families. They will set a requirement - she has to be within X-Z age range. Then from that pool, they'll find girls they like and families they like, and then show the pictures to their sons. That's how it usually works, otherwise, for a guy himself to say he wants someone 10 yrs younger of his own volition doesn't happen on it's own, if it does, it's usually a discriminatory factor ingrained in him by his family. It's funny that people think this is my usual man-hating criticisms on our society, but this is not a problem from men, it's a problem from women.
Our women themselves do not value education and independence in the women that marry into their household, they just want someone to take care of the ladlaa boys. Cook and clean for them, like maids.
That's why we see this habit of one standard for one's own daughters, and another standard for other girls. We will make our own daughters into professionals and find the best of best of men for them that will work AROUND THEIR schedules and career plannings, but then when it comes to the bahu, no, her education and career is irrelevant, she needs to make the food every day and that's it.
There's more to life than cooking biryani and kababs for mughal kings every night, I hope so, otherwise our society is seriously doomed. Keeping 50% of our people behind doors and not letting them think and engage in society is precisely why we have the problems we have in Pakistan. The men run that society, not women, and look at what Pakistan has become. A total wastebasket of terrorism, fighting, guns, and violence. It's like the laadla boys are being allowed to live their hollywood fantasies while sensible folks are told to make rotis.
Right, if only enlightened, understanding women would come and show us men how things are done. Pretty sure the West was spanking Pakistan/India long before feminism but what do I know, I'm just a paratha loving man.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Oh and before you mock the education of women, as being unnecessarily lofty, show off, and whatever insults have been thrown around here. Please take the time and reflect that when you need to take your mom to a doctor, you prefer she is seen by a lady doctor right? Or that when you need to take your divorce case to court, that you seek comfort in a female muslim lawyer who will understand that your haq mehar is being taken from you when the foreign courts wont understand that. Or when you need a nurse to come home and take care of your elderly, you hire female nurses for the female patients right? Or look at the arts in Pakistan and how WOMEN are the ones really fueling the industry. Or when you watch your HUM TV dramas and munch on your french fries in PJ's from home, reflect that the people who made that drama - wrote and directed it and performed in it - were women. When you go see Josh this Eid, which I hope everyone does - reflect that the woman who made that movie went to school in Cali to become a doctor like her parents hoped, then had the COURAGE to learn film-making - something that American desi families would consider risky and unacceptable - so she could make an impactful film that YOU COULD watch, and quite honestly right now is the only quality film that Pakistan has made in the past one year. I have met a number of GS guppans - and most of them work and are leading interesting lives doing INTERESTING things for their community. One girl - she has put together a group of 200 or so Pakistanis to professionally network in the city she is in.
To not appreciate these women, and overlook them for rishta prospects because they've hit 30 doing good things for YOU GUYS is the height of jahalliyat in our community. We talk about Islam on one hand, but then we exclude women of our own age for marriage, how much sense does that make?
So, sorry, as of yet, I have seen no proper argument on why it's BETTER to marry a 20 year old, and why we should AVOID 30 year olds, apart from immature jests and jibes on my personal life being a 30 year old woman in the middle of wanting to do things with my life, and my desire to have a family and children. And for those of you who, against my knowledge, and against my will, have pried into my personal lives sitting on facebook, truthfully pretty shocked and ashamed that the GS guppans could even do that sort of thing.
So carry on with your jests and jibes, what can I do about it? Nothing. Not worth the time. But what is worth the time is emphasizing that older women who have DONE something with their lives shouldn't be excluded from the marriage game, and that the age requirement is nothing more than a superficial means to control a woman in the home. A ploy not so much from the guys, although men should know better, as they're the "men" or whatever that means. But a ploy from the women in our own society. And you can see the culture here in this thread. They themselves are educated women, and they mock that other educated women are having trouble finding spouses - that is the height of disgustment.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Right, if only enlightened, understanding women would come and show us men how things are done. Pretty sure the West was spanking Pakistan/India long before feminism but what do I know, I'm just a paratha loving man.
Well that's more of a reflection of the inadequacy of the desi man in light of the West's progression into education and the sciences which desis at the time, were lacking. But now you can see the example of another BROWN country, that somehow figured it out. Whereas our people are more interested in mocking each other's academics, Indians are all about encouraging and appreciating this sort of thing. Blocking a bahu from education just doesn't happen much in Indian culture. The indians in the west put education as a priority for both genders.
And which country currently has better economic and international standing - India or Pakistan? If you think education isn't the key, then sighz, what can I say?
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Well that's more of a reflection of the inadequacy of the desi man in light of the West's progression into education and the sciences which desis at the time, were lacking. But now you can see the example of another BROWN country, that somehow figured it out. Whereas our people are more interested in mocking each other's academics, Indians are all about encouraging and appreciating this sort of thing. Blocking a bahu from education just doesn't happen much in Indian culture. The indians in the west put education as a priority for both genders.
And which country currently has better economic and international standing - India or Pakistan? If you think education isn't the key, then sighz, what can I say?
Um...more like the failure to industrialize, lacking coherent national identities, and failing to change with the times. The US wasn't exactly a research power house in the late 1800's and early 1900's (scratch that, it definitely wasn't) but it was still incredibly wealthy. Most of the research was in England and Germany. Many original quantum physics papers are in German.
What does India's success have to do with Indians in the West? Could it be because India isn't plagued by political turmoil that it progressed economically? Nah, it must be the educated Indian women in the US who helped turn India around.
Education is important, but your assertion that education for women is the cause of Pakistan's economic troubles is comical. Equal educational opportunities for women is morally and socially just, and of immense benefit to an industrialized country, but there are a slew of other issues that need fixing first.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
So first off, each of our experiences is different. I can't comment on your own experiences navigating the rishta quagmire, but I can maybe show you the other side so you can appreciate that the sweeping generalizations you've made are not universally applicable.
Does what you describe happen? Absolutely it does, but it happens sometimes, not ALWAYS.
Our women themselves do not value education and independence in the women that marry into their household, they just want someone to take care of the ladlaa boys. Cook and clean for them, like maids.
That's why we see this habit of one standard for one's own daughters, and another standard for other girls. We will make our own daughters into professionals and find the best of best of men for them that will work AROUND THEIR schedules and career plannings, but then when it comes to the bahu, no, her education and career is irrelevant, she needs to make the food every day and that's it.
PCG, I have examples within my life and my larger social circles to refute each one of your generalizations. Sadly, I also have examples to reinforce each one of your generalizations. Like I've said before - one rule does not apply to everyone.
We can go back and forth on this forever, but it doesn't prove anything or change anything. Instead of focusing on the people who live down to the stereotype, why not focus on the people who challenge it? And there are so very many.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Older women discriminate against older women. A 50 year old mom wont want a 30 year old wife for his 30 year old son. She would want a 20 year old wife. The way I see it’s the women who have corrupted the idea of old women marrying their age guys. 