Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
if pakistani culture began to accept having kids without having to get married (i mean you could adopt instead of artificial insemination)...then you could technically have a family without needing a husband...
God bless you. God bless America.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I honestly don't think age is an issue , when things are meant to happen they will. So if one gets married in 20's later get divorced or widowed (simply be without a husband again) then what can one do ? I married in my 20's and now in 30's I m living my life as a single parent. Nothing in this world has a clear cut or fixed formula . If Allah has destined for you to have a husband you will have him and only for the time period permitted by Him. I know may be you will find it very theoretical but its the truth believe me. You don't know the future , what may be seem great and perfect today may not be so good tomorrow or may not exist at all and vice versa.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
this is sooo true! finally a sensible answer by someone!!!!
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
This entire thread is making me laugh. Has it ever occurred to some of you that it's not that 30+ can't get married, it's just that we don't want to be married to you?
I am educated, successful, come from a respected and established family, blah blah blah. All the things that make me a desirable catch. I am 34 and just got engaged now. Now. Why now? Not because I didn't get rishtas, not because I was too busy in my school books and career, not because of anything really. I just didn't meet anyone who I thought was good enough for me. My family's is really synced in with other Pakistani families, there were always plenty of boys around to chose from.
To be clear, I don't think I am anyone special. Truly. The description myself are just facts. I wasn't impressed by the Pakistani guys around me and my family. Some were educated but unattractive, some attractive but idiots, others came from good families but had insane views on life and behaved like morons in public. My parents weren't worried about me meeting anyone. They just told me when it was in my kismet it would happen and then it did.
Met a Pakistani guy while I was on vacation with a few of my other single 30+ female friends. Got to know him over two years and finally said yes. There was no pressure or rush. In fact, my father wanted me to take my time so that I picked the right partner.
I don't know who these people are who still are hung up on 30 something women vs 20 something women, I am just glad I am not marrying them.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
The News on Sunday has a very interesting special report on single Pakistani women that might interest readers of this thread: Special Report | TNS - The News on Sunday
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
This entire thread is making me laugh. Has it ever occurred to some of you that it's not that 30+ can't get married, it's just that we don't want to be married to you?
I am educated, successful, come from a respected and established family, blah blah blah. All the things that make me a desirable catch. I am 34 and just got engaged now. Now. Why now? Not because I didn't get rishtas, not because I was too busy in my school books and career, not because of anything really. I just didn't meet anyone who I thought was good enough for me. My family's is really synced in with other Pakistani families, there were always plenty of boys around to chose from.
To be clear, I don't think I am anyone special. Truly. The description myself are just facts. I wasn't impressed by the Pakistani guys around me and my family. Some were educated but unattractive, some attractive but idiots, others came from good families but had insane views on life and behaved like morons in public. My parents weren't worried about me meeting anyone. They just told me when it was in my kismet it would happen and then it did.
Met a Pakistani guy while I was on vacation with a few of my other single 30+ female friends. Got to know him over two years and finally said yes. There was no pressure or rush. In fact, my father wanted me to take my time so that I picked the right partner.
I don't know who these people are who still are hung up on 30 something women vs 20 something women, I am just glad I am not marrying them.
This!!!
Ek sher yad arha hy wese :)
Khud hi ko kr buland itna ke har taqdeer se pehle....
Khuda banday se khud poochy, bta teri razaa kiya hy!!
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Khud hii = self
Khudii = ego
is she’r meN lafz “Khudii” aayaa hai na k “Khud hii”:
maiN ne AligaRh Muslim University ek ek saalaanah jalse meN apne ek daraaz-qad [tall] dost per is she’r ko yuN likhaa thaa jis par be-intihaa daad bhii mili thii: 
Khud hii ko kar baland itnaa k har parvaaz se pahle
parinde tujh se Khud poochheN, “bataa, oopar fazaa kia hai?” 
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
This!!! Ek sher yad arha hy wese :) Khud hi ko kr buland itna ke har taqdeer se pehle.... Khuda banday se khud poochy, bta teri razaa kiya hy!!
I'm not being vain. I am being honest. Especially in North America, there is a shortage of eligible, educated, professional Pakistani men that would be a suitable match for eligible, educated, professional Professional Pakistani woman. As a result, we are forced to take our time and wait for an appropriate match.
The majority of us are not interested in moving to Pakistan or marrying a man from Pakistan. That leaves a very small pool behind. Men that would be good matches for us tend to marry late anyway. If you look at the average age of eligible, educated, professional Professional Pakistani men in the United States, many marry in their mid to late thirties. By then they have graduated, paid off their student loans and have established themselves in their career enough to want move on to the next phase of life.
Remember I'm not taking about a man with decent job that earns $50,000 - $80,000 a year. I am talking about men in their 30s who have established wealth. Professional women can pretty much make that on our own now after working a few years - most men prefer that the earn more than us.
So then one would say that perhaps we shouldn't have studied so much or worked so hard. To be fair, what else are we supposed to?
I was a good girl, studied hard, lived at home with my parents and got good grades and got a good job while my family friends' son's were to busy slacking off. We'd see these guys running around campus, hitting on every girl that walked, partying on the weekends and skipping classes. The other family friend's whose sons were religious typically married a girl from Pakistan because apparently us girls raised in the west are "corrupt." (Makes me laugh, especially when I visit Pakistan and see how girls behave there.)
So guys from Pakistan wouldn't work, guys from the States were either out of control or went back to Pakistan to find a wife. What else are we supposed to do? Stay home, watch dramas and get fat? Or go out in the world and do something productive?
So before you judge us, maybe give us a little credit. I was lucky, I found my soulmate eventually. I have so many Pakistani great female friends who are still single and it is sad. I also find it disappointing that the first person to call me vain is a female when I am just trying to provide perspective so that we can actually deal with the real issues our sisters face.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
justbilli..your situation is a love marriage one.you found a guy by yourself..good for you..
however, when talking about marriages in an arranged marriage pakistani setting..girls over 28 years are considered "old" and have dwindling options for partners..a 30 year old woman would be considered "old" for a 30 year old guy too who would want someone younger!
such women get offers by divorced men or those in late 30's or 40s..and have to compromise on a lot of aspects to get hitched!
the best option for women around this age is to find someone on their own rather than opting to go through a torturous arrange marriage rishta process! my husband's 30 year old cousin is going through something familiar!
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
justbilli..your situation is a love marriage one.you found a guy by yourself..good for you.. however, when talking about marriages in an arranged marriage pakistani setting..girls over 28 years are considered "old" and have dwindling options for partners..a 30 year old woman would be considered "old" for a 30 year old guy too who would want someone younger! such women get offers by divorced men or those in late 30's or 40s..and have to compromise on a lot of aspects to get hitched!
the best option for women around this age is to find someone on their own rather than opting to go through a torturous arrange marriage rishta process! my husband's 30 year old cousin is going through something familiar!
I found someone on my own, however, not by choice. I was raised in a household where arranged marriages were customary so that is what I was prepared for. It was a question of a match. I did not find that the men who's families proposed were the right fit for me, pretty much from the time I was 20 for the reasons I described earlier.
So it wasn't like we were holding our breath waiting for risthas and no one came. There were lots of options, I simply exercised my option to say no. As time went by, I continued to live, work and focus on other areas of my life. The fact that I found someone was just my kismet. A have many, many friends in the same boat, only they are still single by choice. So in my case, while I was criticized for being a career woman, the fact is I became a career woman overtime as the rishtas weren't acceptable.
The original post was about professional women in their 30s. The point I was trying to make was that professional girls get a bad reputation for being too busy in their careers to get married whereas the reality is that there are simply fewer men that we want to be with.
This is actually a very big problem in the United States. If you look at enrolment statistics and graduation rates, more of our girls are being accepted and graduating from colleges and universities. Pakistani Students Associations have actually released numbers to support this. I went to an Ivy League college that has a history of affluent Pakistani grads. The enrolment ratios were astounding: for every 1 Pakistani girl that enrolled, 4 Pakistani boys were rejected and only 0.10 accepted. For every 2 Pakistani female graduates, 0.25 Pakistani males graduates. The numbers were the exact reverse 10 years prior to when I started college. A number of Student Associations report similar numbers.
At some point something changed. Our boys started enrolling less, and those who enrolled are graduating less. My brother is 9 years older than I am and went to the same university. His observation was that the Pakistani boys enrolled in our university back when he was in school were far more serious about higher education and graduation. The ones who came from Pakistan were always in fear of wasting their parent's hard earned money on tuition. The boys that enrolled while I was in university are far less serious. Failed multiple classes, skipped, were busy with girls or partying. Also, more girls were being sent from Pakistan to study, however, they were far more likely to succeed.
Nobody wants to talk about this stuff but it doesn't make it less true. Our boys are less disciplined and falling behind, creating more females who are far better educated, more qualified and more eligible. That is why you are seeing more single women in their 30s than ever before.
Thank you for the wishes. :) I just want to help people understand what is going on that is making this problem worse.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
are you having time off from work/studies these days? 
… j/k
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
apricot...i am sorry but i dont agree with you. i am 31 and going to get married to a guy who is my age and that too through an arranged marriage process. so 30 plus women need not go on a husband hunt as you are implying
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
PCG most pakistani men prefer housewives. It is what it is. If you can't match that then you will find it tough to get married. Get over it or change. Upto you.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
JB, if $100,000 is your baseline for marriage then yeah, you won't find many eligible pakistani men especially in this economy.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
justbilli, you make some valid points, but your conceitedness about earnings and your misconception about what men find attractive (i.e. not a career, that's what women look for) just perpetuates the stereotype that **some **30 something women are single for a reason.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
justbilli, you make some valid points, but your conceitedness about earnings and your misconception about what men find attractive (i.e. not a career, that's what women look for) just perpetuates the stereotype that **some **30 something women are single for a reason.
I don't think I was being conceited. I was just stating facts. A person typically graduates with an undergraduate degree around age 21. So it is therefore not unreasonable for some with an undergraduate degree + 9 years of work or post-graduate degree + 6 years of work to earn between $50,000 - $80,000 depending on their profession by age 30.
Actually I think I was very conservative with those numbers. If the person is a doctor, lawyer or any other professional, the number is substantially higher.
So what about my math is conceited?
Further, I haven't really said about what men find attractive. I was speaking about women finding less and less of our boys attractive and provided some insight into why.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
PCG most pakistani men prefer housewives. It is what it is. If you can't match that then you will find it tough to get married. Get over it or change. Upto you.
Not true. Most desi men I meet in US prefer educated and employed desi gals. So, pls Stop speaking for all men. Working after having kids is a different story. Some chose to stay at home as child care is expensive.
JB, Right on. Most of the subarban US is a two income society so even 100k of single income per year is considered below average. As a potential spouse he better make that to just cover a mortgage in silicon valley.