Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
But that again can be blamed on religion and culture, how there is more flexibility for men when it comes to matters of marriage and such. The men were just raised that way.
About those parathas. She might, if she doesn’t hate the kitchen.
PS: I miss my mom’s parathas and rotis and salans 
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
PCG, this isn't fair. There's no cause to single out Captain Obvious' wife - you don't know her or her circumstances and the comments you've made read like a personal attack.
Each person is entitled to marry who ever they want to: young, old, educated, minimally educated, rich, poor, attractive or not. It's up to each couple to make their relationship work on whatever basis they choose.
What no one has a right to do is judge the 30 year old woman who chose to have a career, or the 30 year old guy who chose to marry the 20 year old girl. Each person made their own choice and it's their responsibility to live with the upside and downside of that choice.
I agree, Sehrysh.
I know of cases where rishtas have broken days before the wedding. I also know people who got married to rishtas that were rejected years ago. I don't know how much of a role predestination has in all this, but why are we exempting Allah from the equation? I know of girls who got married very young and some of them have made a career and some haven't, but either way they're good wives and mothers and I hope that I can manage my home family as well as they have. If OP has a problem with girls who got married much earlier than her, she should take up their qismat and hers with Allah. This should be a humbling reminder for her and many of us.
I read OP's advice in Princess87's thread and it was impulsive. Thus proving Captain Obvious point that being 30-and up years old and highly educated doesn't necessarily mean the individual has mature approach to handling tense situations. Looking down upon women whose lives took a different path from hers is a display of conceit and maybe even weak iman if she can't accept that Allah's created a different destiny for all of us. Not only was it wrong of her to make assumptions about Captain Obvious's wife, it carried a haughty tone.
We're arguing about how education and career and older age make for a better wife. What about other very essential qualities in a marriage such as patience and humility? You could be the most educated woman in the world and be at the top of your career, but without these traits you won't have a healthy marriage. Actually it goes for both men and women. A short temper, weak iman, lack of humility and patience and tact and you will struggle in your marriage. You degree can only go so far in this world and won't amount to anything in the next.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
I read OP's advice in Princess87's thread and it was impulsive. Thus proving Captain Obvious point that being 30-and up years old and highly educated doesn't necessarily mean the individual has mature approach to handling tense situations. Looking down upon women whose lives took a different path from hers is a display of conceit and maybe even weak iman if she can't accept that Allah's created a different destiny for all of us. Not only was it wrong of her to make assumptions about Captain Obvious's wife, it carried a haughty tone.
Well said. With an attitude like that, a 30+ woman may want to consider factors apart from age as to why they're not married yet and guys don't seem interested in them. I have yet to meet a guy who would want to approach a woman as judgemental and self absorbed as OPs project herself to be with a 10 foot pole.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
If we place preference on younger aged women, then we definitely are taking God out of the equation.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
So what? Those men you know may love hanging out with an older crowd of women as friends....but its the giggly early 20 year old that they chose as their wife. And isn't that the main issue we're discussing here? Not who gets to hang out with these men....but who is being chosen as their wife. And even among those men that you know....its the early 20's, giggly, non-opinionated girl who doesn't have much to share is the one who gets the title of "wife".
Which is the entire point here, that opinions of women do not matter, even today. We all want our daughters to be docs/lawyers/businesswomen/engineers, but we don't want to marry them, and then what's going to probably happen is all this will bite our society on it's behind in about 20 years when the little girls of posters here will be having trouble finding men, because they got themselves an edu-ma-cation, and they can actually use that mesh called a brain.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
If we place preference on younger aged women, then we definitely are taking God out of the equation.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences. You, yourself, will not like every guy or rishta that comes your way. Par apni taleem par gharoor karna aur doosron ko hakeer samajhna, that's gunnah.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
My opinions are in just as much the realm of "preference' as the beghairat 30 year olds marrying 19 and 20 year olds, so if you tolerate their behavior, then guess what? Tolerate mine.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
We're arguing about how education and career and older age make for a better wife. What about other very essential qualities in a marriage such as patience and humility? You could be the most educated woman in the world and be at the top of your career, but without these traits you won't have a healthy marriage. Actually it goes for both men and women. A short temper, weak iman, lack of humility and patience and tact and you will struggle in your marriage. You degree can only go so far in this world and won't amount to anything in the next.
^ This! Often those 30 year old highly educated career women don't realize that the reason behind them being rejected is their attitude/personality .......and doesn't have much to do with the age itself.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Ah sounds like sour grapes from the married ladies. Poor things. Nothing better to do I suppose.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Ah sounds like sour grapes from the married ladies. Poor things. Nothing better to do I suppose.
lol
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
PCG, you need fresh perspective into this situation. I've observed in this thread that you have focused too much on the preferences of other people which should not be your concern at all. How and why people married to their spouses and based on what factors, is not your issue. Your life depends on your actions not what others do or have done. You are being judgemental and it is certainly not helping your cause.
You should focus more on your good qualities and attributes that may help you and your future partner in your lives as a couple and family. Make sure that any potential proposal is able to find your good qualities and he is able to see that you will be a great addition to his life, do the same on your side. The age issue will become irrelevant once the mutual benefits are identified.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
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You should focus more on your good qualities and attributes that may help you and your future partner in your lives as a couple and family. Make sure that any potential proposal is able to find your good qualities and he is able to see that you will be a great addition to his life, do the same on your side. The age issue will become irrelevant once the mutual benefits are identified.
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But then it won't be possible to lay all the blame on others.....
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
To an extent, I do get what PCG is saying, but don't agree with how she's saying it.
To want to marry an 18 or 19 year old girl because she is young and therefore malleable is not something I myself think highly of, but hey different strokes for different folks. But that's not necessarily the reality - yes, some guys have a preference for younger girls, but that's not their sole criteria. The guy also look at her tameez/tehzeeb, ghardaari, values, family environment - they look at the sum whole of who she is and her age is but one element of her character.
This is no different than the girl who marries a guy with a masters degree. I'd like to think she's not marrying him because he has a master's degree - that is one element of his whole. I would hope that the girl also considered his character, values, nature. The same way the guy wouldn't marry ANY 18 year old, is just as the girl wouldn't marry any guy with a masters degree - they look beyond these characteristics.
Have I known guys in my social circle who married fine young things because the girls were young and beautiful, yup! I know two guys (doctors, both of them) who were 32 and 33 respectively and they married girls who were 18 and 20, the girls were young and stunning! Both couples are still married, and I'd like to believe quite happily. Making a marriage work requires the participation of both people and if they had no problem with the age difference, then that's their choice. - the couples compatibility transcends age - it doesn't define them.
On the other hand, I know of another couple where the guy was 9 years older than his wife and they couldn't make their marriage work - he cited the age difference and her immaturity.
Stereotyping or generalizing doesn't serve any purpose other than to limit your own world view. One or two or even a dozen examples does not define the values of the larger group. It defines those specific individuals.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
^ what is a voice of sanity doing on this forum?
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
PCG, you need fresh perspective into this situation. I've observed in this thread that you have focused too much on the preferences of other people which should not be your concern at all. How and why people married to their spouses and based on what factors, is not your issue. Your life depends on your actions not what others do or have done. You are being judgemental and it is certainly not helping your cause.
You should focus more on your good qualities and attributes that may help you and your future partner in your lives as a couple and family. Make sure that any potential proposal is able to find your good qualities and he is able to see that you will be a great addition to his life, do the same on your side. The age issue will become irrelevant once the mutual benefits are identified.
There is no logic in this if the community as a whole has used an age cut-off to clear the "first pass" of applications for marriage to their sons. You're not going to get to know any nice characteristics of any women your age, if you're not willing to even consider them for marriage because of an age requirement.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Pray to Allah that He bless those who married early with happy marriages and that He bless you with a good partner. That's more productive instead of boiling your blood over those who married at 20 and viewing them with disdain. You don't have full control over your own life much less theirs. It's like saying Allah made a mistake or that you know better than Him. You won't accomplish anything with your raving; you won't change society. You've been blessed with so much to be grateful for. The reward of pursuing a career that allows you to help society is from Allah; the reward is not a guarantee of the perfect husband. That's an attitude of entitlement. Nothing in your life is yours. Your limbs, your body, your properly-functioning faculties, your family are all a gift from Allah. They all belong to him. You cannot adopt an attitude of entitlement over even these basic things, much less believe that you are entitled to a husband simply because you feel that your education has equipped you to be a "better" wife and that others are less deserving of being married. You're only hurting yourself and others with your complaining. Nobody here can help you. You are right to an extent. If a guy has no other problem with a girl but her age and rejects her for just this, them it's wrong. But then again, she shouldn't marry someone who will always be consumed by her age and make her life miserable. The rejection could be a blessing. Though you have some valid points, your attitude is spiritually harmful to yourself and hurtful to others. You need to chill.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
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At the end of the day all people have preferences which I am not sure we canchange. Why should someone else finding happiness in their own way affectus?There are pros and cons to both marrying early and delaying marriage. One isnot significantly better than the other as different people have differentgoals in life. To each their own. How would it take away from ourhappiness someone acting in a way opposite to what we expect? I think if peopleexclude people for narrow minded reasons we should not take it to heart. Maybethey were never meant for us and we deserve someone better. As Iam getting older I used to think that age could affect whether peoplecan be interested. However I have found both desi girls and guys have their owninsecurities. If girls are insecure about guys choosing younger, less careerminded girls then some guys are insecure because some girls choose a guy who isolder, with a better job/status then them. I don't think age or any ofthose other physical characteristics should be the sole criteria. Itshould be based on a person's personality. Guys shouldn't just choosegirls because they are of young age but girls also shouldn't just choose guyswho have "good jobs/statuses" or guys who are just older thenthem. If the guy is a great person with a great personality, who loves youunconditionally,respects your parents treating them as their own andwho is supporting and understanding of your dreams/goals then thatshould be enough.
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Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
PyariCgudia you are so talented and accomplished, why would you want to marry someone who places such restrictions on you and does not let your talent flourish? You are contributing so much to society then why let regressive views of a few in the community shackle you down. Would people who judge solely by age and appearance make such great life partners? Then people complain there are not that many Pakistani/desi female doctors/specialists they can take their wife to see. Why then does the community complain when they hinder that from happening? There are great guys out there who don't mind sharing household responsibilities, cooking, who don't mind supporting their wife from reaching topmost heights and for whom age might not be an issue. They in fact may prefer someone who is older as girls their age might not be mature. They might not be from the Pakistani or Desi but as long as they are Muslim should it matter? If they cannot accept a working wife then it is their loss. Compromise is important but not to the extent one sacrifices goals so important to them. I know of someone, a desi family friend, who is an engineer who only wanted to marry a educated/working girl preferably a doctor. it was a personal preference. He found such a girl, who also matched personality wise, and they are married and living happily. She was in her late 20s - early 30s. In the beginning while he was looking for a job she worked and then when she had children she wanted a bit of a break for some time (a couple of years) also in order to studyfor exams. Then while she was studying for her exams her husband worked from home, started his own business, and cooked/did most of the household tasks/taking care of children so she could finish her exams and get to where she is. Later they both shared these household tasks and care of children. His family was also quite supportive but they lived abroad while they lived overseas but they came over to help with the children when wife was studying. Out of their children both are studying medicine. Now the same desi community who maybe tried to deter the match initially seek them out for advice on how to make their children doctors or seek out the children asking the same. Or contact them about health issues etc. And of course since she is such a good doctor and also desi they seek her out and she is busy for days on end. The family is doing well no issues. So trust me there are guys out there who think similarly. I know of other examples so it is not an anomaly. However, if someone who thinks along those lines cannot befound I see no problem why girls can't go non-desi. A preference for desis can be there but then if the person with right qualities is found they should not be excluded due to the background of their birth. Also at the same time the girls should not judge the guy on the type of job he has, as long as he is supportive of her, he is working and not insecure if his job pays less, what does it matter? The age of the guy should not matter, why does it matter if he is younger than the girl? As long as he supports her and his family is also supportive and narrow minded that is important. He should be able to stand up for his wife if any conflict arises. Like in the family I mentioned the guy has no issues that he is earning less money than the wife and the wife does not see it as an issue. They see each other as a team contributing to their children and to society. In the community here most people want an educated wife, some may not working but most prefer working wives.
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
Worst case scenario, they can end up like this guy:
Re: 30 year old Pakistani women
The same could also be said of children who abandon their parents, spouses who separate at later age or unfortunately when one spouse dies and the other is left alone. happens among both Pakistanis and Indians unfortunately.
Left to die in an old age home – The Express Tribune Blog Why India’s youth are abandoning their elderly parents | GulfNews.com unfortunately nothing in life is a guarantee. All one can do is act well towards others, contribute to society and have some financial security.