Lets not put the full blame on the "Discrimination". There are certain other aspects as well
30 + Pakistani Woman Educated and working = Independent = Employed and hence employment restrictions - Geographically. So they are just not so "mobile" and so willing to fly off to another country or state etc.
30 + Pakistani Woman Educated and working means she is mature enough to not believe in fairy tales (No bliss due to lack of ignorance)and hence have expectations. "Clearer" expectations, from their point of view yet on the other hand they may be viewed as "too high expectations" or even too rigid and in some cases practical.
One being the education and employment of the groom equivalent to theirs. That obviously eliminates the younger lot. That also makes these 30+ women eliminated by the men with insecurity issues.
Another being the potential groom being independent as them, well not practical, if a guys is educated, successful and independent than why would he be waiting till the 30s ? All such creatures are already taken up by then.
OP - While I agree with most of what you say, I do feel it has a LOT to do with who you know and how well connected your family is. I think you mentioned yourself that your dad was working several jobs and didn't have much time to socialize with other paki muslim families. Almost everyone that I know that comes from a "well connected" family....has no issues finding rishtas and getting married. For example, we recently found out my husband's cousin just got a rishta which she has accepted and is due to get married in a few months. She is 29, a charming but average looking girl, very well educated and has a great career. She had a few rishtas in the last few years which SHE turned down (eventhough her age was getting up there) and still managed to find her mr. right in the end (and no he is not an uncle). Her family is well connected and a very respected family at that. I think that makes all the difference. Even a 30 year old women can get reasonable rishtas if her family knows enough people. On the opposite side of things, take my own SIL (she is 26) and no prospects of any rishtas. Why? Because my in-laws do NOT socialize with anyone but their own relatives. MashAllah, they have a big family so they never felt the need to make family friends. Well....now it is proving to be difficult to find her a suitor because of their lack of involvement in their own community. Oh and I must mention we are from Toronto where there is no shortage of a big Pakistani muslim community. Sorry about posting all in one paragraph. It won't let me skip to the next line. sigh
Being 30 might mean that it's that much harder to find someone but it does not mean that now the chances of finding anyone suitable have completely gone out the window. People still manage to find good proposals even in their thirties, maybe not so easily but if it's meant to happen it will happen. Like most things in life , what's written for us, does not miss us. Those who do manage to get married before the age of thirty still hold the chance of ending up lonely. Everyone wants the best for themselves, parents believe by getting their daughters married off earlier they can help secure their future , this is not always the case. In many cases the guy changes after marriage, they for whatever reason are not happy or compatible with each other and sometimes marriages don't work out . So the point, just because you've managed to get married before 30 does not mean you've got it all good. Similarly , just because your 30 and single does not mean you've doomed yourself and will now never find anyone. These things are up to density, we can only do so much and I am sure people from a young age do what they can. Nobody just blindly says no to proposals and keeps studying and working on their career. Everyone does what their think is best for them, everyone tries to do well in all fields of life but sometimes everything does not work out the way society suggests it should and some people reach a certain age,that we've programmed to believe one should be married by and are single. That does not mean they'll never find anyone, it just means that their time has not come yet. Because we don't write our fates, Allah does and Allah does what's best for us. So, everyone has a future even women who are thirty and single. Nothing guarantees anything in life. Our understanding of life is limited, Allah has a way of handling our affairs, we can only do so much, we just have to trust things eventually work out, because they do.
Don't worry about being 30+ and unmarried- but I suggest you make friends with ppl outside the Pakistani community, as they tend to be harsh when it comes to this. Even the miserable married ones insist on you being married. And definitely - keep a close group of friends who look out for you and care for you if you need it.
I'm nearly 30 (29 right now). I have been told so many times i look like i'm in my early 20's ( when i wear makeup- which is light and not heavy). Also, when i don't wear any makeup i've been told that i can pass for an 18 year old! So screw you wrinkles and eye bags- lol
And how does your “youth-ful” looks help the “problems” in this thread? I was thinking you were going to share some desi totka, which could help all these helpless 30 year girls looking like 18 years again, because everyone is so extremely beautiful when they are 18 vs. sagging skin at 30, right?!
Thank you for the thread. I think it’s a valid question especially in the desi community where attitudes can be judgmental especially towards women. Like mentioned by others earlier people can be married in their 20s and be unhappy and people can be single in their 30s and be fulfilled with many other things like job, family, charity and contributing to community. people will talk because that’s their job to talk. Even if someone is in a perfect relationship at a young age there will still be comments like why haven’t they got children, or what they’re children are doing. It never ends. I think it’s important that a person is confident in their decisions and has a good support system of friends and family etc to counter any negative attitudes/prejudice that may they get them down. There is so much else in life like maybe travel, hobbies and working on one’s character that you can work on before finding a partner. By 30 You know who you are and what you want at that age. Moreso than you did maybe in your 20s. And i believe when the time is right is when you find your partner. even if one gets married in mid 30s-40 you still have 40 years of married life which is ample time. As for the biological clock phenomenon from what ive read (but feel free to correct me if i’m wrong) studies show that female fertility drops at around 27 and 27-35 it is similar. Does that mean everyone should marry at 27? Might not be possible because study especially graduate study plus work might not always leave enough time for marriage responsibilities. And how many in laws are supportive of study after marriage? This fertility drop is not that of having a successful pregnancy but the length of time it takes to conceive. A bigger drop occurs after 35. It has even been suggested that the age of the male partner is important. If there is greater than 5 year difference it affects fertility. Dads: how your age can affect your fertility and your baby’s health - BabyCentre As for the rishta part of it i think the desi community needs to broaden a bit. If religion is same and culture is mostly similar (or if there are attempts made by the partner to understand) there should not be so many barriers to marriage. It shouldn’t matter that the person is Pakistani, Indian, Bengali, Nepali or Sri Lankan. Instead of thinking of it as a way one culture overshadows another think of it as a way of sharing your unique culture with others. This way if a rishta is not accepted at a younger age it doesn’t mean it should limit the number of rishtas a person has access to.
i can't believe i wrote so much and it sounds quite random. sorry everyone. I kind of think of 30 as a cool age and i look forward to turning 30. They also say life begins at 30. So my life has not yet started.
That's the decision they made. They now have to deal with it. You know what Pakistani community accepts of you, these gals could have married earlier and continued their studies/work. But they chose not to.
That's the decision they made. They now have to deal with it. You know what Pakistani community accepts of you, these gals could have married earlier and continued their studies/work. But they chose not to.
but mcpendoji why do community standards have to be strict? Not everyone finds perfect partner in 20s. Maybe people have had bad past experiences and it's hardtop move on. As a 20 something say 20s is overrated. Women look better in their 30s and beyond.
Delaying marriage and focusing on career over family does lead to an overall decrease in babies in society, there is no doubt about that. The USA is going through an all time low in birth rates, with disproportionately more occurring where there is less education for women, and women marry earlier, like Hispanic families.
I argue, is a low birth rate really a bad deal for Pakistanis? Just sayin'.
Have to agree with delhi2lahorekarachi. I'm one of those who put's work and studies before social life. I'm about to hit the age where the aunties starts pressuring one into marrying but I plan on finishing my studies and making my life financially stable by having my own home and a nice job. It's not that easy for guys either, half of the family want's me to get married now and start my own farm. The main reason? I don't know if it's to show off or hitting the 30 mark but I'm one of those guys who think that 30 is the right age. I'll probably finish my studies around the age of 28, then there is a job to find, a house for someone* jin ke payoon mere bacho ki jannat banein ge* (or* the one who must be obeyed*) and who knows you may find someone even better in late 20s or early 30s.
(I know my communication is bad and I should feel bad)
Being of Indian background i am all for Indian-Pakistani mixing and marrying 
all izz well..