2nd Wife

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: 2nd Wife

I don't understand that how do the amish / mormons whatever pull it off then?

Doesn't it become a 1st amendment issue?

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Re: 2nd Wife

2nd (or more) wives have no legal recourse whatsoever in USA. The small minority of amish or mormons who practice polygamy do so "on the quiet", there is no alimony, no inheritance, no health insurance etc for the 2nds. So they have acceptance of their church/community but not of society on the whole, they live in secret and pay out of their own pocket (if they can) for their wives and kids. Like I said, its illegal to practice polygamy here so you HAVE to be quiet about it - or end up in jail.

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Re: 2nd Wife

is acceptble:shireen:…

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Re: 2nd Wife

You;re obviously a guy. Ask "your" women how they honestly feel about the whole thing. And your kids. And be prepared to face the shame that you SHOULD feel for your utter inhumanity. Unless of course, your 2nd (or more) wives are people who would have been destitute and without ability to care for themselves.

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Re: 2nd Wife

mama of 3 ..dun be mad......polygamy is not commen in most muslim countries...u know that,dun u???:)....

Is that also happened with you.
46

Re: 2nd Wife

How come we don't read the whole Ayat. It says
[4:3] If you deem it best for the orphans, you may marry their mothers - you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship.
I don't know anyone except for the prophet (PBUH) who can be totally equal to more than one women. You will always prefer the yougest, pretiest or for some other quality. You will spend more time with one or two or buy something for some and not the other. In short you will not be equal to all. In that case Quran is clear. Marry only One. No other religious books even make this statement.

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Re: 2nd Wife

For Arabs its more of a cultural thing. Its so ingrained in their culture, that the women who are in these polygamous families, usually do not care.

We're not used to it; its not in our culture - so for us, it becomes a big deal.

A lot of it is pure psychology.

What people forget is that God's already warned men - if they even have the FEAR they might hurt the two women, its better to stick to one.

Notice how the Quran doesn't say if you can't be fair to FOUR, its okay, you can take on THREE.

ONE is very much emphasized. People can make their own choices from there.

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Hussain, I;m not really mad, I just get SO annoyed that a practice that should be a truly beautiful and selfless thing becomes a shameful thing because of HOW its practiced.

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There are plenty muslim arabs in the USA who have multiple wives. Live in Dearborn michigan for a few months and you will come across many.

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Re: 2nd Wife

I was talking of famous intances but sure why not? My indian [or she calls herself irani as her dad settled in hyderabad, india] manager told me that her husband's dad had two wives and they had a hush-hush kind of arrangement.

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Re: 2nd Wife

I doubt [maybe a generality but considering western women..] that you would allow a 2nd wife for your husband even if she was destitute, now would you?

I think feminism’s purpose was to “equalize” women to men and since women are different from men, it sort of tried to convert women psychologically to men.. :tomato: I think this is why feminism has lost appeal to many women in the US.

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Don’t put her on the spot now. Even if she wouldn’t, trust me, there are many that would.

Don’t know about your theory but there are twice as many transexuals in the U.S.A who converted in the opposite direction. There is a gender for you that is still appealed by feminism.

:jhanda:

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Re: 2nd Wife

actually shriek, I went looking for a 2nd wife for my hubby during my battle with infertility. One of the noble causes for the whole issue. Another being a woman who cannot care for herself or her children and needs a man to "bring home the bacon" so to speak. Or during wartime or natural disaster when there are women who cannot earn a living and need a home. I;ve said this ad-nauseum - the practice is meant to be a selfless, beautiful and charitable thing. But IN PRACTICE, it is typically just overly active male hormones with total disregard for the feelings of the "first" wife. And THAT is exactly what gives it a bad name. If there were more men who practiced it as it was MEANT to be practiced, it would be so much more widely accepted and acceptable.

54

Re: 2nd Wife

All those men who want to marry more than one woman should first try to achieve a certain level of IMAAN after which they are able to follow the condition which Allah has put in the Quran for them.

The condition is that you should marry two ONLY if you are SURE that you would be able to do "JUSTICE" with them.

Here Justice means in ALL ASPECT YOU SHOULD TREAT THEM EQUALLY. In terms of the time spent with them, the food shared with them, the love and effection you show to them, the gifts you buy for them, the sincerity you show to them, the sharing of feelings with them,.......and so on. It should be SAME for one as it is for other.

No matter how busy you are and what your heart wants, you would have to keep the BALANCE in such a way that none of them get a chance of a reasonable complain of injustice done to her as compared to the other wife.

Doing REAL justice after marrying more than one woman is easier said than done.

I have yet to see even a SINGLE man in this present age (including myself) whom I feel that he could be able to do justice if he marries more than one woman.

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Exactly. However, see that onus is on man to fairly decide if he thinks he can do justice or not. If he THINKS he can be fair, he can. A clouded mind can, off course, decide in his own favor.

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Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi was among the most respected religious scholar in subcontinent in the last century. Being a very good practicing muslim, once a person asked him what he found the most difficult thing in his life ?

He replied*," Marrying two women and doing justice with them"*

People who were related to him say that when anyone used to send him fruits or gifts, he used to divide them equally among his wives.

Once someone sent him an apple and a mellon. After thinking for sometime he divided the apple and the mellon into two, gave one piece of apple and mellon to one wife and the other piece of apple and mellon to the other wife.

THIS is how justice is done, which alot of ignorant men in the present age needs to learn who want to marry more than one woman only for the sake of sexual pleasure and than show GUTS of saying that it is a sunnah of the Prophet (saw).

The prophet (saw) mostly married to widows and divorced women and that to in an elder age, the purpose was to show an example to people to RESPECT them with grace and love, help them in restarting their family life and not consider them as a waste to be de-graded or thrown away.

Last person to answer this post wins!!!!
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Mamaof3: I understand you proposed the idea to your husband, but he didn't take up on it. If he had, I don't know whether you'd still be calling the practice "beautiful" today if he had married another woman.

There is nothing beautiful about it. Its one man, at times sleeping with you, at times sleeping with someone else. His attention is not on you all the time, its on someone else. And man is human. If he can't help but like one wife better than the other, its not easy for the other wife.

That's why these things only work in situations where they're being practiced on mass scales - Arabs are ok with it, because every other Arab is doing it. When you are raised in that sort of a household, and you see it every day, you are used to it.

If you are not living in that culture, like MOST of the world today, it is NOT a noble, selfless practice - it can't ever be. It'll always feel like your husband is cheating on you.

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Your nick is Mama of 3, am I missing something here?

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lol! I battled infertility and won! Many prayers and the wonders of modern medicine gave me the cherished boyz and nick that I proudly have...

pcg, I guess I'll never know the true answer since everything happened pretty much all at the same time. Looking for another wife and finally getting pg i mean. I have to say that it would not have been an ideal situation for sure but one that I think I'd deal with. You are right though about the things you said.

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Re: 2nd Wife

so how long do they serve in jail for cheating on thier wives? apparently none! u can play with any other women w/o any liabiliy but u cant give another women (and your first wife) respect through marriage! kitna acha system hai!