Re: 2011 Brides
No one is happy for me ...lol just joke...this thread is so sweettttttttt
But still didnt get the point why in-laws select for bride when she doesnt select for in-laws! realy a biggggggggg qs & i see most of the time its husband who pays not mil or sin so why then they select????? lol
awwww sweety its not like that... have you booked ur venue ? when is ur date?
Re: 2011 Brides
Hey Guys :)
Congrats to all the 2011 Brides. I was just scrolling through some of the above posts. Sorry to hear about all the drama. Sad, but especially in our desi-ness, it tends to happen, even when we try for it not to.
I'm not a 2011 bride, but a SIL. My brother is getting married and i'm the "unofficial baraat side planner" ... My bhabhi to be (iA) is awesome and (ah) we all get along great. From the start we have asked her input on what colors she does or doesn't like as far as shoes, bags, clothes and if any specific styles/designs she would like or avoid for her clothes from our side. Including any jewelry designs she absolutely does not like. Because she is the one who will be to wear it right. Why give something that someone will not wear. It is not just a waste, but creates ill feelings on both sides unnecessarily.
From the start her mother said they would like to make the shaadi jora from their side, and we said okay as you wish. Typically in our family that outfit comes from the groom side, but this was her wish so we didn't mind. As far as Valimah Jorah, we were again asking her same input, as it is her day, she is the one to wear it. She is very easy going. However her mom, would call us daily and ask exact fabric, exact detail, color of the kaam, how much kaam, even asked us to order swatches of clothing kappra from designers. And then, not bhabhi, but her mom would change things about the outfit on a weekly basis just as we'd think okay lets finalize the order. Now, we're not in Pakistan; nor have anytime to go. We thought we were being pretty easy going in working with them on her choices. This got to a point where we asked her mom, if she would prefer to take care of making the outfit and we can gladly pay for it. Because if for any reason something didn't turn out to her (mothers) preference, we didn't want any further issues. LOL, that too caused a slight issue with well, her mother stating that ' you want me to take responsibility for that outfit too?'. We just shook our heads. Just couldn't win either way. Had to laugh.
I suppose my point it, you just can't please 'em all, no matter how well the intentions are. lol, they are having the outfit made (after 7 months of deliberation by her mom), we'll just pay... and yes, it went through many changes and changes prior to finalizing... I understand the need for perfection, i am a perfectionist... However, it is typically the Bride that aims for that, not so much the Mother...
A wise friend once said "When you get married it is your mothers wedding, when your child gets married, then it's your wedding"... And it is so true. Not all, but definitely good % of moms certainly have their moment of 'momzilla'...
@ muslimah with your SIL- I agree with what everyone has said above. From reading just a few lines into your post, tread lightly with her. She is definitely feeling issues of insecurity and competing with you. Just realize that no matter what she says to your mother in law, won't change the fact that You are lucky enough to be marrying the man you love (Allhamdulliah) and not everyone has that. You have the support of your husband to be and his word will weigh heavily with his mom (ia). Over time she will come to know, trust and rely on you (ia) and your SIL will have to find a way to deal with her issues.
@ Starsky- I can understand the drama you are already feeling. And little bumps may still arise as wedding comes closer. IA, everything will go smoothly. Just focus on the big picture, which is the marriage. The wedding is of course The Event. But sometimes we get so wrapped up in that, we forget the repercussions that can linger from these mini dramas during wedding seasons. This is the first 'love marriage' in our family as well, but that doesn't mean we're not understanding of any different rasme her side has.
Speaking from the guys side, I don't know about your in-laws or their traditions. But I know for my family, the outfit that comes from the guys side, also carries with it "ghar ki izzat". For my family, we want to make sure to do best by our dulhan, so much care and love put into it. So, it did hurt my mom to not be a part of it at all, but she just said, that's ok, I'll focus on her other outfits and inshallah have other opportunities to make her clothes. And as a SIL, it did upset me to see my mom hurt by this aspect of it. It wasn't as though we weren't doing exactly as bhabhi wanted either. More so, felt as though her "mom was putting her foot down" in a place that was never necessary to do so.
Pardon my loooonng 'quick' reply. But being on the outside of a Bride, yet inside of a wedding and front seat to drama, I couldn't help but put in my 2 cents. I hope I didnt offend anyone with anything. It wasn't meant to be do. Wish everyone the best, Inshallah!
Re: 2011 Brides
oh! One last thing. As far as for the Grooms Sherwani. Have you guys asked your fiance what color he would like to wear? Or are you going to pick the color for him? Not the Qullah, as that should typically match the brides jorah.
My brother specifically told his in-laws he does not like the champagne/teal color combination as it washes him out and does not want to wear it. My mom has always wished to see her son wear a Black Sherwani on his wedding. This too, his MIL had an issue with. She was insistent he wear champagne/teal because she likes the color combination (not bhabhi- bhabhi likes Black as well). Despite what my mom said, his MIL ignored it. Now this is where hurt feelings begin to cement with time. We are very attentive to your color choices, fabrics, designs for the dulhan; but the one thing the Groom & his mom wish, is being ignored? How is that right? " (we're still going back and forth on this one, no resolution as yet.. IA, praying it works out)
Re: 2011 Brides
Kissik - a very good point made! I think wedding is one of those times where things get so iffy from both sides. We want what we want, and if they let us do whatever we want then we're happy but hurt others along the way (as they might feel like they're not included, and we have to agree that we too would feel hurt if that was our brother/child's wedding). It's just sad because we're supposed to be joining into a family, yet just the planning of a wedding begins with bitter feelings. But I understand, as I am a bride myself that it is very* important to us to have everythig done our way since it is our day! Basically try your best not to hurt anyone and if you do something that you feel might have upset them, def. acknowledge their feelings. Hopefully the next generation, things can improve in the bride/in-law relationships! lol
pyarilaila - my husband is so uninvolved and I get super angry about it. Now that I see that majority of your husbands don't really give a squat about their weddings, I guess I don't feel so angry. He literally does not care if our wedding is in a room/backyard/hall lol. He doesn't care about what I wear or any traditions or cultures. But I need to give him credit that his sherwani is being made and will be here in 3 days and I don't have a wedding dress yet. His sherwani is really simple, black and very little kaam around the neck and sleeves and white shalwar! He refused to wear anything with too much kaam or buttons. I think my brothers sherwani will be more flashy then his
Re: 2011 Brides
Re: 2011 Brides
i booked my venue & inshallah ill marry after a month...
Re: 2011 Brides
Congrats Persian!!
Re: 2011 Brides
congrats :)
Re: 2011 Brides
i dont have a date yet!!!!! awwwwwwwwwwww but engagement in may time just waiting for weather to get better and will be having a bbq with close family inshallah!! but when is ramadan starting this year? i would like it in july inshallah just looking at veunes at the moment and every1s diaries lol
x
Re: 2011 Brides
Hi guppans!!!
i m also a 2011 (sept) bride got engaged in 2010 n now after a month i m having a nikkah so i need sme suggestions from u ppl coz i really cnt decide it by my own
v ve decided 2 arrange a proper function 4 nikkah i.e stage ,decor, special entrance of my family,photographer, dholki n Dinner v wnted 2 ve fun so i ordered everything according 2 it i ordered my outfit my sisters outfits, catering service n all but nw my MIL dnt wnt any function she said tht she wnt nikkah at masjid i dnt ve prob wid tht but she says tht its nt a function v ll go 2 masjid 4 nikkah n ll bring all guests at our place for dinner n den ll go bak …:pcg:
nw tell me plz wat shld i wear shld i buy a simpler jora 4 nikkah n dey dnt agree on having function now wat shld i wear plz plz plz help
Re: 2011 Brides
The same exact thing happend to me. My nikkah took place at themasjid and after my dad arranged a dawat-like for the family in a small community hall, and i had it all worked out but right after nikkah at the masjid it was decided that we weren’t going to have anything done. instead my in-laws gave an iftar(it was ramadhan) at the masjid in the evening. I couldn’t wear my outside that I had originally chose to wear because it wasn’t there but I ended up wearing a legnga anyways! so just wear it even if it’s fancy
Re: 2011 Brides
i booked my venue & inshallah ill marry after a month...
congrats :)
Re: 2011 Brides
Congrats to all of you! As for barbie, you should wear whatever you want to wear, but get the function/no function debate settled, so you don't make last-minute changes. Why does your MIL not want to have a small family dinner? Btw, Ramadan begins the first week of August, inshAllah... I think...
Re: 2011 Brides
aaaaaaaaaawwww after a month such a short time 
so where r u getting married ? i hope everything s done 
Re: 2011 Brides
Great News!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I will be a 2011 bride as well now :)
Congrats to all of you brides to be.... crazy times are ahead but hopefully well worth it :)
Re: 2011 Brides
Congrats to all the 2011 brides! I am one also June of this year IA and I'm very excited but I have alot to do :-( I wanted to ask peoples opinion - I'm planning to wear the traditional red w/ gold kaam but I really want my future hubby-to-be to wear a white sherwani with silver kaam - will that look strange that I'm wearing gold kaam and hes wear silver?? I want us to match. Please give me your thoughts! :-)
Re: 2011 Brides
Congrats to all the 2011 brides! I am one also June of this year IA and I'm very excited but I have alot to do :-( I wanted to ask peoples opinion - I'm planning to wear the traditional red w/ gold kaam but I really want my future hubby-to-be to wear a white sherwani with silver kaam - will that look strange that I'm wearing gold kaam and hes wear silver?? I want us to match. Please give me your thoughts! :-)
Congrats! I can't picture it, but I think it might look a little off. I've seen a lot of recent bridals with both gold & silver kaam. If your dress has both, then his can stay silver & it will match. :)
Re: 2011 Brides
Dedicate all bride of 2011!
All my ladies
Zor ka jhatka haye zoron se laga, haan laga
Shaadi ban gayi umarqaid ki saza, haan saza
Zor ka jhatka haye zoron se laga, haan laga
Shaadi ban gayi umarqaid ki saza, haan saza
Yeh hai udaasi, jaan ki pyaasi
Shaadi se achcha tum le lo faansi
Laakhon dukhon ki hoti hai ye wajah, haan wajah
Zor ka jhatka haye zoron se laga, haan laga
Shaadi ban gayi umarqaid ki saza, haan saza
:D
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Thanks muslimah118 for your thoughts !!! I think maybe I will do dull gold and silver kaam and then his sherwani can just have the silver kaam on it and IA look nice. I really loveee the new bridals with red and just silver kaam on it but I think i will be getting the traditional gold zewar and that wont match at all with all silver kaam - I was thinking of putting the silver pani on the zewar but then when I come back home I wont know how to take it off so that is not going to work. Any other ideas???
I’m very excited 
Re: 2011 Brides
I don't know how to take the silver coating off, but I know they can just dip it in yellow gold again if you want to turn the set yellow.