2011 Brides

madinahme · January 28, 2011, 4:19am

Re: 2011 Brides

Girls, what did you guys wear on your engagement....and if you have your nikkah done, what'd you wear? (just curious)

muslimah118 · January 28, 2011, 5:00am

Re: 2011 Brides

Thank u, but unfortunately I won't be going on a honeymoon. That's why I'm encouraging everyone to go somewhere amazing like Spain, lol. Are you getting married, KKF?

pyarilaila:

Guys, I am so upset! I asked my chachi in pak to make my mehendi clothes and I got them yesterday and they are just horrendous! First the kameez is some putrid yellow color and they did the contrast with red. I specifically asked them not to do it with red because I might wear that on my baraat so I wanted pink. The kameez is the wrong length as its like way to short and I asked for a long kameez as thats whats in. Most of all the fabric is so unbelievably cheap! I asked her for like expensive fabric and what I have is like polyester blend, no print nothing! I dont even think that salvagable and might just have to scrap the whole thing and get something new. I asked my other chachi for some mehendi stuff and the stuff she got me is something a two year old could make. Im not joking-its the cardboard foil with like different pieces of paper stapeled on! I dont know if supposed to say anything to them or just keep quiet but Im just really sad right now. I finally thought things were progressing on my wedding but its like one step forward two steps back :-(

Oh, man, I can totally feel your pain! Just reading your post made me upset. It's really hard to convey to someone what you want over the phone, unfortunately. When is your wedding? Do you have time to re-do all this mehndi planning? How annoying. The only thing I can think of is getting your girlfriends together & making all the thaals, etc. yourselves. Orrr, I'm sure some creative homemaker aunty is sitting around willing to do that stuff for you. As far as your mehndi dress, you should totally get one that you love. You want to feel *like the bride!

princess_ku · January 28, 2011, 6:06am

Re: 2011 Brides

Hi! im getting married after 12 days but im having no feelings means im numb. . . what shall i do?? is that normal.?? sometimes i felt so dipressed that i just start crying n didnt want to get married. . . is all this normal?

persianmoon · January 28, 2011, 6:49am

Re: 2011 Brides

^yes thats normallllllllll..
all girls cry in last month as they r living their parents home...if not cry but yet so sad even their hubby is best but leaving parents is sad

mizsani · January 28, 2011, 7:56am

Re: 2011 Brides

I am not good at discribing my ring.. cuz its a bit complicated for me and i have never been into diamonds and stuff soo idk much about how to describe them (all i can say is tht i lovee it).. soo i m just adding pictures of it.

btw… i dont wear it much cuz its too loose… i will get it resized after the wedding i think. And I just feel like i have to take it off too much.. like in college when i m writting.. i tend to bang it against the desk.. or i would forget it near the sink and i really dont wanna loose it..

KKF · January 28, 2011, 8:07am

Re: 2011 Brides

**
maashaa Allah...bahot Khoobsoorat ring hai. looks nice on ur hand...to, officially ise kab pahen arhii haiN? ;) ...pic dekh kar mujhe Pakiza movie ka ek dialogue yaad aa gayaa lol :)
**

sweetlikeladoo88 · January 28, 2011, 8:05pm

Re: 2011 Brides

you guys im so stresed im going to khi in march iA im getting married in may or june idk they havent decided a date so we cant book a venue :s where can i go to in khi? also i need invited n favors n where can i get a dholi for the dc area? help?!?!?

starrysky · January 28, 2011, 8:39pm

Re: 2011 Brides

Hi girls! I might be joining y'all as a 2011 bride. The date hasn't been fixed but I'm getting engaged in little over a week. I'm more excited about my ring than I am about the actual event haha. It's a round diamond in a pave setting. The wedding band has also been ordered so it matches the engagement ring :D

I'm starting to feel really nervous about everything and shaadi shopping is SUPER stressful. I live in England but the wedding will be in Karachi and I'm currently here in Khi trying to do all the preparations. Everything wedding related here is so unbelievably expensive! Bunto's joras start at 3.5 lacs, decorators I like charge a minimum of 3 lacs, you cant get a carat diamond for less than 7 lacs at some places. It's ridiculous!!!

sweetlikeladoo- if you are getting married in summer then an indoor air conditioned hall at sheraton, pc or avari is a must. If it's in winter then you can do it anywhere! Even a random plot can look amazing if it's decorated well.

pyarilaila- i feel sooooo bad for you!! That's like my worst nightmare! How could your chachis get it so wrong?? Why don't you just get it from a designer??

starrysky · January 28, 2011, 9:45pm

Re: 2011 Brides

muslimah118:

Hello, ladies. I'd like to take this time to ask for some advice. Lately there has been some tension between me & the in-laws. I'd like your honest-to-God opinion on the situation. Caution: read when you’re bored. This post is very long!

My fiance's family is Bangladeshi. His mom doesn't speak much English or Urdu, so most communication between our families goes through my fiance's sister-in-law (SIL). Now, I get along great with the SIL- or so I thought, until recently. I thought she understood me & I could talk to her like a sister. Keep in mind that she's also a "bahu" of the house, not my fiance's sister. Now, I think it's safe to say that us pakistanis are kind of snobby about our clothes. Each one of us thinks we are a fashionista, am I wrong? I admit it, I am in the same boat. Even my mom can't shop for me, that's how picky I am. My fiance's entire family seems to have verrrrry different taste from anyone in my family. For the walima outfit & the clothes they are going to give me in my jahaiz, my mom and I are kind of scared of what we will find.

The problem started when I was searching for bridal outfits & didn’t like anything, but I absolutely FELL IN LOVE with an outfit that would not look as hot in any shade of red/pink. So I had it in mind for a walima outfit, but I couldn’t figure out how to ask my MIL if it’s ok for me to get that one. I was willing to buy it myself, but I didn’t tell anyone that. I only briefly mentioned to my SIL that I found a walima outfit that I really like, who assumed that this meant that I wanted to pick out my own outfit. This idea was just too unconventional for her. She complained about it to our MIL, and now their family thinks I’m being cheap & asking for them to buy me what I want, as if they just are a bank account. They think I’m taking the essence of the “gift” out of the whole process. Also, since my mom knows how different my SIL's taste in clothes is from mine, my mom advised me to give my SIL the contact info of a family friend who runs a clothing business b/c I love their stock of clothes. I would blindly trust anyone to go shopping for me through them. So I brought up the idea to my SIL one day & she got offended & never asked for the family friend’s contact info. She then called my MIL & told her that I want to do all of my own shopping, who do I think I am, when she got married she didn’t pick out her clothes, etc, etc. But I was only suggesting a vendor for her- not picking out my own outfits. Misunderstanding #1.

Also, my MIL has her heart set on a gorgeous jewelry set. My fiancé showed me the picture, and I absolutely love it. But it’s got rubies in it, so I was confused b/c rubies are red… typically the bride wears the jewelry her MIL gives her on the walima day, & I haven’t really seen ppl wear red on their walima. So I asked my fiancé if I was supposed to wear this on the walima (b/c sometimes you get jewelry in your jahaiz, so you don’t end up wearing it on either wedding day, right?). His mom said I could either wear it on the shadi or walima, but she wanted me to wear it on one of those days. Well, it’s red, and so is my outfit. I looove the set, & my family hasn’t gotten any jewelry yet, so it made sense to me to wear it on the shadi. I planned on buying jewelry to go with whatever the walima outfit would be. When my SIL asked me about it, I told her what I was thinking. She said there’s no way our MIL could have told me I’m allowed to wear it on the shadi b/c our MIL told her to get a walima outfit to match the set. Then, she lectured me about how disrespectful I will be if I don’t wear the set on the walima & how badly ppl will talk about me. I didn’t say anything, I just listened to the whole thing. I have no problem wearing it on the walima day, it’s just that I thought my MIL was cool with me wearing it on the shadi. She then told my MIL that I don't like the jewelry, which is why I don't want to wear it on the walima. And that she doesn't think that I am not going to wear any nice jewelry on my shadi day. (I don't know where she got these ideas from.) My SIL also misinterpreted like 10 other things from that conversation & called our MIL & complained to her about me. Now, how unfair is that? The way I see it, if she had a problem w/what I said, she still shouldn’t have gone to our MIL. I can’t even plead my case to my MIL b/c I don’t speak fluent Bengali. My fiancé is on my side about this whole thing, but I wish he didn’t have to be torn between me and his family. He is willing to defend me to the end, but I would much rather communicate on my own to my MIL to better my relationship w/her. I didn’t think I was out of line. I mean, it’s so common for girls to have a say in their clothes these days. But my in-laws have never heard of this before, so they think I’m being disrespectful. Ufff. How can I fix this?

Oh dear, why is this SIL creating so many problems? She sounds like such a little meddler! I thought I was the only one with in laws who wear 'different' clothes. In our family and social circle it is the norm for the girl to choose her stuff and the in laws pay for it. My in laws had an issue with this but there is NO WAY IN HELL they are choosing my walima or wedding outfit for me. Our tastes are literally worlds apart! I got my mum to chat to them and she was very honest and blunt with them. She basically said sorry- my daughter is picking her wedding and valima outfit. They might hate me but I honestly don't care, it's too important for me! There will be thousands of people at the shaadi and I can't afford to look like ****.

nidasak · January 29, 2011, 1:02am

Re: 2011 Brides

OMG OMG OMG!! Guys MashaAllah se I got my venue booked and its beautiful!!!!!!!!!!! Its waterproof & airconditioned & It has a whole tent setup. I got it for 16 july. I got so emotional when I got the venue booked, I came home n cried. God, I think every step is going to be so emotional for me. I will be lookin for bridal dresses wagira now. need to get bookin for valima n mehndi soon cuz Places in karachi get booked like so sooooon!!

nidasak · January 29, 2011, 1:04am

Re: 2011 Brides

starrysky:

Hi girls! I might be joining y'all as a 2011 bride. The date hasn't been fixed but I'm getting engaged in little over a week. I'm more excited about my ring than I am about the actual event haha. It's a round diamond in a pave setting. The wedding band has also been ordered so it matches the engagement ring :D

I'm starting to feel really nervous about everything and shaadi shopping is SUPER stressful. I live in England but the wedding will be in Karachi and I'm currently here in Khi trying to do all the preparations. Everything wedding related here is so unbelievably expensive! Bunto's joras start at 3.5 lacs, decorators I like charge a minimum of 3 lacs, you cant get a carat diamond for less than 7 lacs at some places. It's ridiculous!!!

Hey congratssssss u re getting engaged woo hoo!! I knowww wut u must be going thruu!! I m currently in Karachi & everything is so super expensive these dayssssssss!! I am doing my shoppin as fast as possible cuz with time prices will increase. I jes recently got my venue booked and now will move to next step. When re u plannin to get married?? Good luck :)

madinahme · January 29, 2011, 2:45pm

Re: 2011 Brides

starrysky:

Oh dear, why is this SIL creating so many problems? She sounds like such a little meddler! I thought I was the only one with in laws who wear 'different' clothes. In our family and social circle it is the norm for the girl to choose her stuff and the in laws pay for it. My in laws had an issue with this but there is NO WAY IN HELL they are choosing my walima or wedding outfit for me. Our tastes are literally worlds apart! I got my mum to chat to them and she was very honest and blunt with them. She basically said sorry- my daughter is picking her wedding and valima outfit. They might hate me but I honestly don't care, it's too important for me! There will be thousands of people at the shaadi and I can't afford to look like ****.

Muslimah118- i dont know if your still in the same situation but I say forget the sister-in-law and just talk to your mum in law your self. Through your finace, or someone else. I know what you mean about the complete different taste, My inlaws are gujrati and our taste is really different too so they asked if i preferred money or for them to get clothes for me. I said I'll just get them made. It's hard to balance these sort of things because you know what will offend them. Its a complete different culture so who knows.
starrysky - do in-laws give money for jewlery as well or just clothes?

madinahme · January 29, 2011, 2:48pm

Re: 2011 Brides

aww thats so awesome!!!!

persianmoon · January 29, 2011, 4:16pm

Re: 2011 Brides

why many inlwas wish to make the bride dresses? i mean why bride dont make it herself as she is going to wear! any bride doesnt tell mom-in-law wat to wear why they do for her?

muslimah118 · January 29, 2011, 5:10pm

Re: 2011 Brides

^hahaha, you've got a great point, persian!

Oh, I basically gave up. My MIL was sweet enough to agree to take me shopping w/her after much convincing from my fiancé, but when I went, I felt so awkward cuz I could tell that she was upset about the shopping trip. She was being nice- she kept saying that I can pick whatever I want, but everything I picked, she rejected. So after that I told my fiancé, just make sure I’m not wearing a choli-mermaid lehnga (that’s what they originally wanted me to wear, but I wear hijab, so that made me feel very uncomfortable) & I’m letting my MIL pick out whatever she wants. I guess I can handle looking like a Hindu for a day, lol. Can’t wait to get that night overwith!

starrysky:

Oh dear, why is this SIL creating so many problems? She sounds like such a little meddler! I thought I was the only one with in laws who wear 'different' clothes. In our family and social circle it is the norm for the girl to choose her stuff and the in laws pay for it. My in laws had an issue with this but there is NO WAY IN HELL they are choosing my walima or wedding outfit for me. Our tastes are literally worlds apart! I got my mum to chat to them and she was very honest and blunt with them. She basically said sorry- my daughter is picking her wedding and valima outfit. They might hate me but I honestly don't care, it's too important for me! There will be thousands of people at the shaadi and I can't afford to look like ****.

Yes, she IS a meddler! When my MIL bought me a jewelry set, the SIL started calling her like a crazy person, asking how much it cost, how many grams of gold it has, etc. Basically she wanted to compare it to the one my MIL gave her when she married into their family. You’re so lucky that your mom put your foot down for you. Just play your cards right- I think the engagement period is a very tender time, as the in-laws are forming their impression of you & your family. As long as you’re tactful, you can probably get away with whatever you need.

Ahhh!!! Congrats! How exciting! I know how u feel- I just placed the order for my baraat lehnga, and I’m so excited/nervous. Can’t think about anything else. I hope every step of your planning is just as exciting as the venue booking :)

Princess, talk to your family! You will feel better to get the stress off your chest. It’s hard for any of us to determine whether your numbness is just nerves, or something else. And most of all, PRAY. We will all pray for your happiness, too, inshAllah.

muslimah118 · January 29, 2011, 5:31pm

Re: 2011 Brides

pyarilaila:

Thanks for all your support guys! It makes me feel alot better. My dad's family is not very nice to say the least but I've gotten over it and will iA get new stuff made. My SIL is making my baraat and valima clothes and hopefully she will do a good job. You all are right in that people who cant go to Pakistan really have their fate in other people's hands so iA it all goes well.

@Muslimah -I'm sorry to hear about your issues regarding clothes with your SIL and MIL. Is your inlaw side very big? @nidasak -congrats on booking the halls!

To all the 2011-2012 brides-are your fiance's involved in the planning very much? My fiance even though is a pak-muslim really hasnt experienced this culture before because he lived abroad for many years so he has no idea as to what even goes on in most of the events. Its good in a way because I get to everything I want and its bad because I get no input in things from him and he doesnt understand why we need to have so many functions. It also doesnt help that I dont have a MIL or FIL to guide him and his sister lives in Pak. Oh well, It allows me more creative freedom which is pretty nice ;-)

Yes, the in-laws are a huge family mashAllah, and they all live in the same city. My fiance is more involved than he wants to be, lol. He also has no idea how things work b/c he's not very big on the culture. I have to guide him step-by-step on what is appropriate & what is not. Sometimes, I get frustrated, like- how come he doesn't know that so-and-so is an inappropriate thing to do at a wedding? But most of the time, I just think he's sweet for all the little things he *is *doing. After all, he's a guy. He doesn't know about this stuff.

persianmoon · January 29, 2011, 7:18pm

Re: 2011 Brides

hahahaha
which men in world knows abt wedding stuff!
For men all is FOOD in any function watever it will be or even doesnt matter they r Host or Guest just for them matter is food & its only thing they r worry for it or they feel its as honor of function & also its only thing as a guest they will say oh their party was nice as they only judge according food!

very rare men u will find diffrent...maybe only groom will gives some idea abt his dress but not abt anything else even as a Groom

starrysky · January 29, 2011, 11:17pm

Re: 2011 Brides

Awwww congratulations on getting the venue booked!! That's amazing! Where are you having the shaadi then? Waterproof and air conditioned is hard to find!

This whole process is so emotional isn't it? It hasn't really hit me yet. When people congratulate me I'm like huh, for what? It feels like they are referring to somebody else.

We will probably get married in Oct/Nov so I've still got some time for my shopping. And I am coming back to Karachi in July iA so I can get more stuff done then. I don't even know what I'm supposed to buy?! I've ordered a few suits but I hardly ever wear shalwar kameez so it feels a bit pointless.

Madinahme- I don't think in laws give money for the wedding jewellery because they might have something made already. If they are buying something new then it's expected I have some say with the colours etc because it has to match the wedding outfit. I have no idea what's happening on that front with my in laws. I did choose my engagement ring entirely on my own though and my fiance is paying for that, not his parents. What did you guys do?

Omg she is no friend of yours dude. Stay away from her! She is clearly jealous! Plus you are an outsider, both generally plus in terms of being a Pakistani so that's probably getting on her nerves more. Bear in mind, she has more influence than you on the MIL right now so be really careful about what you say to her.

My mum put her foot down because even when she got married 35 years ago, she got to choose her own stuff. That's just how it is with us! I think the issue is that my in laws only do arranged marriages and this is the first time there will be a love marriage in their family. So they are a bit confused about how to do things. But after my mum put her foot down my MIL has become super sweet and she wants me to go buy all this stuff including make up!

You're right, the engagement period is the time when lasting impressions are made about both sides. My MIL has created so much drama that I would seriously not go ahead with this marriage if it wasn't for the fact that I will not be living in the same city as them.

apple_blossom · January 30, 2011, 5:24am

Re: 2011 Brides

O MY GOD you guys are facing a hard time selecting ur own clothes and jewelery ..uuuufffff i dont know why they (SIL) ***always ***want to be a “center of attention” .. i just pray for you all that everthin goes well ..its ur time brides *HIT THE ROCK *

And nida ~~ congrats~~ … i am really happy for u

persianmoon · January 30, 2011, 6:04am

Re: 2011 Brides

No one is happy for me ...lol
just joke...this thread is so sweettttttttt

But still didnt get the point why in-laws select for bride when she doesnt select for in-laws! realy a biggggggggg qs & i see most of the time its husband who pays not mil or sin so why then they select????? lol