Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo.....
i don't know. my cousin, who is in pakistan, sunanay main aaya hai that she talks to her fiance all the time too on the cell. and that is not taken lightly, but not so seriously either. but still, you get the impression that khalaon waghaira ko yeh acha nahin laga. i think it is because they are not married, to it is still like talking to a strange man. hmm i wonder....
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo…
the other folks are afraid key tum ney ziyada moun khola tou larka bhagg jaye gaa 
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo…
Ira, i get that from people too… but i think they dont really mean it. One my uncle reckons if i talk to my fiance too much, i’ll drive him away … me?! yeah right hehe… and my mum just reckons that if people see us they’ll say things… but i know deep down she wants us to hang out and get to knoe each other…
parents are just cautious cus they want things to go well.. and yeah, getting to know someone thru the engagement period is awesome.. its a lovely feeling..
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo.....
Ira, I think it is good not to too much bec it creates too many expectations. For example, I know many girls whose fiances used to treat them extra kindly (bring flowers etc) before they were rukhsatied. But as soon as they were married all of that changed. & it was like a whole different person in certain regards. in these cases, these girls feel semi-unhappy because they miss the courting rituals they had before.
My close friend got married a year ago, & before she got engaged I told her not to talk to him much bec of this reason. & after marriage she told me I was extremely right.
As far as talking goes, I feel it is good to get the know the person well enough to decide if this is the person you would like to marry & to become attracted to them BUT only in the presence of a MAHRAM! As far as I have learned, this is the proper way for Muslims to go through the marriage process. :)
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo.....
I belive the only reason u get engaged is so that u can have more time to know the person and his/her family. If you are not allowed to do that coz ur parents think its wrong than y not get nikofied n get on with life, coz the concept of engagment dosent exist in Islam.
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo.....
I keep on getting nice opinions!!
Majestic: I dont think I said I DONT talk to him somehow :D We do, but I dont want to be all hush-hush about it. I want to be able to talk to him openly and not hide it from family and others. I hope the wording is making sense.
Rukshsar: You stated exactly my sentiments!! It makes me feel more comfortable with him when I finally meet him in person which will perhaps be after we get married InshaAllah.
Sadzz: lucky you, atleast your parents dont think its "bad" talking to him. And yep, it is a nice feeling, being engaged and all Alhamdulillah :D
Lussi: have I driven you out of GS yet?:P nahi naa, to phir how can i drive him away?
Khumar: i realise he is still a na-mehram. I didnt mean date-maring or meeting him in person when i openend this thread. I meant speaking to him on hte phone. He is all the way across the Atlantic for me to be worried about the meeting part anyways :)
hhs4462: That's the thing: we both didnt have ay expectations when we first met and we were both highly surprised. Now, he is too far away to bring flowers etc or anything. And I thnk I am sensible enough to realise even if he did, he maynot be doing all the time after we are married. So its not about the expectations with parents i think: I think its about being protective.
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo…
ANd yeah the driving him away part: i think if I dont talk too much, I wiill drive him away If we dont talk for a day or two, i will get countless emails and mesgs about where I was etc etc. And yeah it may sound like too much to some folks but come on, we havent been engaged for too long and there are still quite a few things we can talk about 
And I admit, i like it when he asks why we couldnt talk on the phone etc etc and that we should talk more often. 
Re: Zaida baat mat kia karo…
**Feminazi **that’s not entirely true. there is something in islam about engagements. Its not exactly the same, its called khitbah. its the time period starting from the proposal (of the guy to the girl) all the way until the nikah. in this time period it is encouraged to get to know the person you are going to marry so you get attracted & know for sure this is the person you wanna get married to.
**Ira **I know you are far away from him, but still the phone conversations, messagin, etc will create expectations that you may not even realize. Like the example i gave of my friend, her and her finance didnt live in the same region of the country. They talked on the phone, and these expectations still arose.
BUT im not sayin that you shouldnt talk, im just saying it would be better at a minimum in the presence of you mehram.