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I cant bear anything about parents, I am a capricorn.
I love my parents, anything for them.
ROTFL
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btw, everyone who is labeling parents "mean"
Since you have declared parents "mean" and "Selfish" as they wont let guy live abroad to have "better life", What if guy want to move to some other place leaving BV bachey behind for EVEN BETTER LIFE? what will be your take on that? If begum wont let him go, will you call her selfish/mean too ?
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WHAT does that mean? Do you know me? NO!!! So keep your thoughts to yourself.
Edit: Aur aap ne parh ke bhi kya karliya? Judging and assuming things about other people, women online. Really? I'd rather be "not so parhi likhi" than being like you. Thank you.
Judging & assuming things about other people, women online....WendyJaneeman, MA, MA, I flunked in O-levels, Faked my results and appeared in AS levels, there agian I Flunked and last but not the least I took SAT's and never got the result.
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
OMG...I am laughing out loud, kiya yaad ker wa diya hai, kiya dinn thay woh, altough I am proudly from Aitchson College.
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Please. Excuse me while I go and facepalm myself repeatedly.
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^^ agreed and agreed, I would want my kids to be comfortable but I would want to provide comfort for my parents. We're built differently from our older generations - they value different things they need us to be around.
And taking care of your parents stands true for men and women. Why do you think in Islam its recommended that you marry within your direct circle of people? Because you both will be within reach of your family. You dont have to live in the same house to take care of them just not 7 seas away.
That's true Muniya but you won't get any blame for not being with them because in desi culture it's the son and his wife's duty to be with/near the parents. It's a rare sight to see the guy moving near his wife's parents house/region.
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just facepalm? even though that post demanded banging your head on wall 
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Abb kiya mou chupaoo gyee, jo nahi hona tha woh hogaya, Now be brave, raat gayee baat gayee!!
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Culture gaya bhar mey - Culture won’t be laying (or is it lying) in my grave I will.
My motivation is the day I face my Maker, will I be able to defend my actions. Its very tricky business managing all these relations and such. :sigh:
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^ You're awesome. Just saying.
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^^ agreed and agreed, I would want my kids to be comfortable but I would want to provide comfort for my parents. We're built differently from our older generations - they value different things they need us to be around.
And taking care of your parents stands true for men and women. **Why do you think in Islam its recommended that you marry within your direct circle of people? **Because you both will be within reach of your family. You dont have to live in the same house to take care of them just not 7 seas away.
I really don't think this is true.. seems more cultural.. I have always read the opposite is encouraged.. to marry and 'spread' out..
Having said that it's not a negative at all if people choose not to.. each to their own..
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Well D6C if the husband has discussed it with his begum and they both agreed to it then I don't see the problem but if he has not then there is a problem.
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moonh kis ko chhupana chahyay yeh tau saaf dikh raha hai !! 
khair, you dont have to prove and show you were persistent and expert in flunking ! behave like a good Aitchisonian (if you are) and talk in a civilised manner to put forward your opinion. chalo shabaash …
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Muniya I never meant to say parents act(ed) selfish. It is just that there can be a middle ground where possibilities are discussed keeping everything in mind (parents’ needs,wishes and requirements of their kids staying near them and sons’ responsibility of providing and taking care of his family-both parents and wife&kids) and then decisions made about living/moving in a place where the son,who is now a grown up and has financial responsibilities (both of parents and his family) has better opportunities to take everything TOGETHER easily ?
culture ki baat cchoro .. there is loads to be mended/ignored in ours you are right ‘culture gaya bhaar may’
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Its tough to say Proto, I think every scenario is different. Given in the situation with your cousins husband, I really hope that his wife had a major role in the decision making too that led them both to move back on a mutual understanding.
I completely understand the responsibility we all have towards our parents, but it boggles my mind thinking about the double standard. I have never really heard a lot about a daughters responsibility to her parents? Even after she is married? What if she is the only child, or only capable off spring to take care of her parents, would the same understanding be given to her if she wanted to up and move her family to fulfill her responsibilities for that? I assume most probably not.
I don't know if I would use the words as selfish, but I think responsibility falls on both parties, the kids and their parents to do their parts to make each other happy. When we are young, our parents raise us in the way they see fit and I think that role becomes reversed as our parents get older and we become responsible for them. Why does "taking care" of your parents only have to involve either living with them or where they are? Isn't financially providing for them also part of taking care of them? Granted speaking for those people/parents who can still manage to take care of themselves, just because the son is away making money else where doesn't take away from what he is doing for his responsibility.
But if your talking about the type of parents that were on "Dur e Shahwar" where the mother kept the daughter in law away from her son while he had to live away, thats type of scenario of unjust and yes, I would call it selfish (quite frankly, jahalath pan). Haven't heard of anything like that in real life over here but I don't know about Pakistan. But yes I have seen those husbands that go against the wishes of their wives as well, do whatever the parents ask whether it be sensible or not, and I just understand those types of people. Wisk away someone else's daughter but yet don't feel like she has any responsibilities, wishes of her own, she is just supposed to conform.
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PS. Proto, I think there is definitely a middle ground but I think its defined by the dynamic of the famillies and through mutual understanding for what is best for each family. My mom says the same thing as she only has two kids, and it kills her that her daughter (I) don't live in the same country as them anymore, but she says she would never stifle my brother to be forced to do things that was against his better interest. I can understand if the parents weren't okay with him moving away from the very gecko, but what if after some time has passed, he is still not able to find work and make the same life style in Pakistan, as he was else where, wouldn't it be equally as irresponsible for mom and dad to keep him somewhere that wasn't helping his future and he wished to go back? My FIL even living in the west is of this train of thought like your cousin's mother, but my husband is an only child and always reminds his father that if opportunities arise elsewhere, he'll most likely take them and everyone will have to come with, or make decisions not to. But for his father to force him to stay in a place just because he has been there for over 30 years and doesn't want to leave his comfort zone is unfair for him to force on hubby because even his father did it 30 some odd years back when him and his brothers all shifted from Pak to the states and left their widowed mother behind... all for the betterment of their future of course, not to go against responsibility. FIL grunts and makes excuses that, that was "different", but of course hubby wanting to do the same now is "selfish" in his fathers eyes but I think sometimes at a certain point decisions will get made and his father might not have a choice but to come with if he doesn't want to stay here alone because at the end of the day, hubby just tells him, its his turn to do what he needs to for his families future too. I think everyone is different in how they handle things. As long as your hubby's cousin and his family are content with the decision then, maybe that is where they are meant to be. :)
Re: your take on this ?
btw, everyone who is labeling parents "mean"
Since you have declared parents "mean" and "Selfish" as they wont let guy live abroad to have "better life", What if guy want to move to some other place leaving BV bachey behind for EVEN BETTER LIFE? what will be your take on that? If begum wont let him go, will you call her selfish/mean too ?
A lot of people do that...at the end of the day it has to be a mutual decision between a husband and a wife. If husband was persistent of continuing to further his career life and wasn't keen on settling down then why bring wife and kids into the mix any way?? Because then yes, it would make him selfish. A "Better Life" isn't defined only by money, it includes both partners being content with each other and the life their living..
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DO NOT marry girls abroad if you are gonna suddenly up and move after marriage ... If you can't live without mummy and papa in the first place, STAY there!!!!!!!!!
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Proto,
Im on the fence here.
I can understand the guy...even though I am girl.
I don't think I'd be happy if I knew my parents were depressed and lonely and I could fix it all by just moving back.
AT THE SAME TIME...I would also keep in mind my responsibility towards my family. If I can move back and still provide for my family, I'd do it. If its not possible to give my kids a good life there then I would do what I could. I'd visit. I'd bring them to me. I'd try to make them happy in other ways.