Husband’s cousin living here in Pakistan got a good job and moved abroad 2 years back with wife and kids. They come to see family twice a year (once the cousin alone and once with family). They are well educated and have a very small,crowdy house here in almost a suburban area near sargodha. He managed to arrange a job for his younger brother (they are 2 brothers,both married,a married sister and a younger sister who is almost done with his PhD) and the younger one moved too 3 months ago leaving his wife and daughter here.
Now,I was surprised to see the younger one back home for Eid because I know it is hard to fly back home within a couple of months of a new job. My husband later told that he has resigned and moved back Reason : he said his mom SOUNDED upset on phone since she and the father (who is in a job) are all alone and the mom said she wanted to stop him from going but she never asked. she did ask the elder brother 2 years back to not to go but he refused so she gave up on requesting the younger one ! he got emotionally taken in and resigned he says ammi abbu aur behnayn akelay ho gaye thay aur unko meri zaroorat hai (biwi bachoan ki khair hai..they can live in a hand-to-mouth situation in a 2 bedroom house with 4 other people:halo:)
I had a long discussion (turning into argument) with my husband about how can parents be this selfish ? If they were well off here and he was earning good, there seemed to be a point of parents not willing the sons to get settled at better place. But in this case, when they have NOTHING saved for the kids, they could have opted moving in with them too and they all could improve the living standards. I kept feeling bad for his wife and kid who were happy about the move and all ! The guy is jobless now but his parents are happy he is back :-/ My husband was of opposite opinion that parents dont raise kids so they can leave them alone one day which is fine but who said kids are abandoning parents for their better future ? it was useless arguing with him because my husband was working in UK when we got engaged and I was supposed to move too but his dad passed away few months before our wedding and hubby dear resigned right away and came back because his mom and sisters were alone (who are still alone since they live in a different city). My dad had huge reservations for continuing the rishta because hubby never discussed anything with me and made the decision on his own but oh well!! So hubby was actually ‘proud’ of his cousin
I still cannot convince myself and keep thinking I wont be a hindrance if my sons want to move for a better life/education when they grow up. I just want to read opinion of people here about the topic because many of you have families back home too !
parents call back their sons living in different cities in same country..i had seen people resigning their jobs to move back to their hometowns....
my uncle was a judge and he was posted nearly 800km away from home..and he resigned from his job to be back at home and resumed his practice as lawyer....
When hearing tafseer of quran by Dr.isra ahmad i heard that "Ankho ke samne rehnewali aulad behatareen daulat hai"
but i am of view that if children are keen on moving abroad parents should let them do it....
after all we get one life let them make their own decisions...
^ ankhon kay samnay is fine,but is it necessary that despite having chances, rotay huay halaat may hee zindagi bhi guzray awlaad ki bhi aur maa baap ki bhi? yeh kahan ka sawaab hai ? the whole family can move , right ?
and it is not about moving abroad only, it could be another city in the same country with better options. iss tarah tau they shouldnt event send kids to study in hostels too !
First thing first, this is not selfish of parents. you know what selfish would be? if parents dump their 2..3..4 years old with some relatives or at hostel and move aboard for their better future and we hardly see parents doing that.
and now to the topic. Decision of leaving aging parents back home and moving abroad for better life is a decision that is based on many factors but most important one is if there is someone who can take care of parents. If parents cant take care of themselves and there is no one to take care of them, they are justified in demanding that either kids take care of them or make some arrangement. Fact that it has to come to the “demand” of the parents and not self realization by kids (sons/daughters) is pity its self.
God forbid if you are in a situation that you mom is all alone, living in lahore..karachi…and you are enjoying BETTER LIFE in California. Will you be really able to enjoy your life?
Personally, I made a decision to move because I have another brother to take care of them and he has no plans to move out of Pakistan not because he is “stuck” with parents but because he is settled there. The day he decide to move abroad, I’ll either try to bring parents here or move back without giving it much thought. I know my spouse is on-board this.
Remember, you can always get a 2nd chance at better life but you have only 1 set of parents…
PS: btw, I am ignoring the scenario of “whole family can move” because then there is no issue at all.
^ ankhon kay samnay is fine,but is it necessary that despite having chances, rotay huay halaat may hee zindagi bhi guzray awlaad ki bhi aur maa baap ki bhi? yeh kahan ka sawaab hai ? the whole family can move , right ?
exactly..if whole family can move then there must be no problem....
next question: is it a valid reason by the ‘whole family’ (read: parents) that they dont want to move to another city/country with the sons because they want to spend rest of their life in a place/house they have always lived in?
I did and never got an appreciation(or even acknowledgement) EVER !! oh well, garhay murday ukhaarnay ka kya faida lets get back to the actual topic :k:
If the parents are healthy and just miss us then we can call more, write letters to them. Make plans to visit them or they visit us.
If you don't have any family then I think its ok to just quit your job and move back in with your parents but if you have your own family now then you have to think for them too. and not just your parents.. but of course you can't just think of your own family and not your parents either :P
Its unreasonable by parents if they do not want to move just because they have lived their whole life. Although I can get where parents are coming from but just because of that reason, stripping kids of the opportunities is not right IMO.
Right now, when my parents (or in-laws) are visiting us, they like it here just for couple of months and then they insist on going back home and its understandable. They have a life there relatives, friends etc etc but I know if the situation arises that they have to live here with us for our better future, they wont think twice.
You will get the reward sooner or later. Mentioning the “sacrifice” again and again (or looking for appreciation afterwards) kills the purpose…
I am with DC6 on this. I don't think they guy did anything wrong by moving back. I've seen guys who come here and get seriously homesick, leave everything to move. Its better they do that then go into depression or get into wrong stuff or live a misreable life.
Now in the situation you described, I think the guy is an excellent son who made a huge sacrifice to be with his parents. His parents needed him. I am sure he isn't living in poverty in Pakistan so he is providing his family with everything they need and sooner or later he'll find a job too. Yes its a bit tough for the wife but I am sure she'll be rewarded for that too. know Nadz123???
I hope the son who moved back is able to find a good job on his own without his brother or other relative's sifarish (this acknowledges the fact that he got his job abroad because of his brother, and not on his own) and that he can support his wife and child in the same manner that his parents are provided for.
If he can do that, then moving back home is fine. But if moving back means *teray-meray kay aasray pe rehna *or giving the wife and child less than the parents, he has done his wife and child a disservice.
I agree with Spiral. I don't think he moved back coz of his parents...I think he just didn't like the lifestyle of whichever country he moved to. maa baap ka bahana hai.
Reason : he said his mom SOUNDED upset on phone since she and the father (who is in a job) are all alone and the mom said she wanted to stop him from going but she never asked. she did ask the elder brother 2 years back to not to go but he refused so she gave up on requesting the younger one ! he got emotionally taken in and resigned 
he says ammi abbu aur behnayn akelay ho gaye thay aur unko meri zaroorat hai (biwi bachoan ki khair hai..they can live in a hand-to-mouth situation in a 2 bedroom house with 4 other people:halo:)
