Re: your parents in old people homes??
Is my thinking a good idea that family members discuss "hypotheticallly" such situations before such a need may arise.
You talk with your parents, elderly relatives, your siblings, cousins, and family friends who by all rights are people that you concider family.
You find out what your parents or elderly relatives preferences are if they become unable to care for themselves. What their expectations might be.
Find out the extent of help each family member is willing/able/can provide.
What would you expect of them if you were suddenly incapacitated?
And its hard. No one ever really thinks such a thing might happen to them...
And its a hard conversation to have just because it makes people uncomfortable.
But once you start talking about "hypotheticals" it does get easier.
Anyhow...
is my 2 cents worth