your parents in old people homes??

[lazy_daisy]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

what im trying to say is that in 50 od years time our lives and culture will have changed and we'd llook back at the olden days and think

"yes ...it was better but, they will be cared for better in the nursing home, they have better facilities, they have trained staff blah blah blah"

and yes i do understand that not all of us but in my opinion a great deal...
its happening now

[Roman]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

Ms daisy vaisy, we do understand what you’re trying to say.. it’s just that we want you to say it over and over again.

[system]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

Daize, you can stop now...it worked. You've lured him from his hiding hole

[Roman]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

Ducko, :p

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

@Muzna

I have heard too many horror stories about people in nursing homes. Stories of neglect and abuse. Sorry…I just can’t bear it.

but the elder abuse and neglect thattakes place in people’s homes gets no visibility. Does not mean it does not happen. buddha parrha hua khaans raha hai, let him deal with it, drop off food at lunch time, kids go see him when they come back from school..he has no say in decisions of the house.

You cant tell me that you have not heard about it if not seen it.

again.. the preference is to do the best that you can do, but if the circumstances are such that the type of care needed can not be provided by you and you can not afford a fulltime nurse, then that is the only other option.

Societal taboos aside but if we keep treating this option as a no-way zone, then ppl who may be in situations where they get better care at such facilities will not go there because of the taboo and shame it will bring to them and their family. end result, dude stays at home and does not get taken care of.

[suroor_ca02]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

i cant think of sending my parents or my husband's parents to any nursing home. the amount of abuse and neglect that goes on there is just too disturbing. i'd rather keep them with us n look after them ourselves than trust some stranger to do the job. it just seems too inconsiderate to leave ur parents at a time when they need u the most.

[Mehnaz]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

The husband is 105 years old, and his wife, who recently died, was in her 90s. Both
reside(d) in a private nursing home minutes from their son's home. Why did he put them in a nursing home? It got to the point where their illnesses could no longer be looked after by them. They needed 24/7 medical attention and facilities on hand and PROFESSIONALS who actually know what they are doing. The parents were not abandoned and thrown like dogs into this nursing home. The kids are there every single day for hours, spending as much time as possible with the parents. It's just that having an on-call doctor/nurses/medical equipment just was not practical to have in their home.

Simple little things changed for the better when both husband and wife were put in the nursing home ... things like food in take. When you reach a certain age and have various illnesses, you should not be eating certain foods and the family simply was ignorant to this fact. At the age of 105 and in his medical condition, the father should not have been eating rotis, chawal and curries which is what his family were feeding him at home. They had no idea that he wasn't supposed to be eating this cause their family doctor and nobody else didn't tell them. If he was eating the food and not complaining, what better did they know? Once both husband and wife were put into the nursing home, they were put on another diet, something that would actually not harm their bodies.

It is minor little things that actually made me change my mind about nursing homes. Right now, I say without doubt that I would never dream of putting anybody into a nursing home. Be it my in-laws or my own parents, I'll do my best for them. I've seen the other side of the coin though. When you have a parent with missing limbs, who is prone to having strokes and who needs on-call medical attention, something that a nurse alone cannot handle, what do you do? Again, it is not like the son and daughter-in-law abandoned them. They were there every day for most of the day and the grand kids would often spend their weekends there with them.

There are so many things you have to consider when making such decisions.

[Mahru]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

Dear Guppies: It does vary from situation to situation. I would do it in a heartbeat for my parents or grandparents but It is easier said than done.

My own daddi jaan (May Allah bless her with a long and healthy life, Ameen) has severe arthritis of the knees so her moving is very limited and she is very Zaieef. My chachi is in Pakistan right now looking after her. She probably changes her atleast 5 times a day. She has been doing this for the last 2 years and was fine up until now. All my chachi does now is complain, complain, and complain. We want to hire a live-in-maid for her but my chachi and chacha won't allow that either due to "what will the family say" ordeal.
I just think it is easier for us to say we can do it but when the time comes, i am sure all of us would get tired after a few months. But, I pray to Allah, that He blesses our parents with a long and healthy life, Ameen. Allah humme aur hamare walidain ko kissi ka mohtaaj na banaye.

[KashmiriRainDrops]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

@lazy_daisy

Looking after elderly relatives is VERY DIFFICULT and demanding, its very stressful and there is very little reward and thats what its like if the elderly person is just old

 add illness, senility, incapacity, incontinence and believe me you will be working a 24 hour day
 
** its nice to look at it with rose tinted glasses and say 

I will look after my parents, and husbands parents but it will take up your time and energy and give you lots of mental stress and anguish

  its very tiring** 
 
 
 i'd add more but i dont have time..
 
 but I say this from experience

and Id like to add Its very likely thet WE…YOU will end up in one!

I never said it was easy…wot i’m trying to say is that i will do it no matter wot…so wot if it’s tiring etc., it’s worth it…i’m not looking thru a rose tinted glass, that’s my reality and i faced it a long time ago so i’m fine with it…i was 19 when i knew i wud have to take care of my in-laws, i wasn’t forced to…he told me straight in the start that that’s how it was…i cud have but didn’t leave him cos of this reason and i wud never complain about someone who can’t help themselves, that’s just plain cruel…

As for all the 24/7 care, stress etc., my Fiance is doing it rite now basically by himself: his Mum just had a leg amputation, she is a stroke survivor, has diabetes, is facing bypass surgery in a few months and his Dad has diabetes also and is in the hospital rite now for pneumonia, not once has he complained…he’s tired yeah, but these are our parents for God’s sake…they didn’t toss u over to a nurse, au pair or orphange when they were juggling low income, 3 or 4 kids and so many other responsiblities did they?..and when i get there we will take turns to be at home to take care of them, it’s not even an issue for us…it is difficult and we will struggle, but we just see it as a part of life…

[AvgAmericanGirl]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

Is my thinking a good idea that family members discuss "hypotheticallly" such situations before such a need may arise.

You talk with your parents, elderly relatives, your siblings, cousins, and family friends who by all rights are people that you concider family.

You find out what your parents or elderly relatives preferences are if they become unable to care for themselves. What their expectations might be.

Find out the extent of help each family member is willing/able/can provide.

What would you expect of them if you were suddenly incapacitated?

And its hard. No one ever really thinks such a thing might happen to them...

And its a hard conversation to have just because it makes people uncomfortable.

But once you start talking about "hypotheticals" it does get easier.

Anyhow...

is my 2 cents worth

[AvgAmericanGirl]

Re: your parents in old people homes??

@shweetdreamz

i totally agree with you. In a case where a parent is ill and simply cannot stay at home alone and there is no one but either the wife or the husband that can stay at home, they should.
the way i c it, if my parents did not abandon me to someone else’s mercy when i was sick or when they could have been out enjoying their lives, it would be most selfish for me to do so.
in the case of taking care of the husbands family…i dunno, depends on alot of things…whether the hubby’s parents were bitchy to me, whether the hubby respects me, whether the hubby and his family treats my family right etc etc.

When I was a kid all my aunties by marriage…my uncles by marriage when they spoke of my grandparents or talked to my grandparents refered to them as ..

“Mom” or “Dad”

All integral part of the family.

No distincton ever made between son-in-law or son, daughter-in-lar or daughter.

^

Always my idea of family. Belonging to a family. Being part of a family.

When I married I attempted to call my inlaws 'Mom" or “Dad” and they asked that I call them by their given names and it makes me feel like I’m not really jpart of the family. I don’t belong.