Re: your parents in old people homes??
The husband is 105 years old, and his wife, who recently died, was in her 90s. Both
reside(d) in a private nursing home minutes from their son's home. Why did he put them in a nursing home? It got to the point where their illnesses could no longer be looked after by them. They needed 24/7 medical attention and facilities on hand and PROFESSIONALS who actually know what they are doing. The parents were not abandoned and thrown like dogs into this nursing home. The kids are there every single day for hours, spending as much time as possible with the parents. It's just that having an on-call doctor/nurses/medical equipment just was not practical to have in their home.
Simple little things changed for the better when both husband and wife were put in the nursing home ... things like food in take. When you reach a certain age and have various illnesses, you should not be eating certain foods and the family simply was ignorant to this fact. At the age of 105 and in his medical condition, the father should not have been eating rotis, chawal and curries which is what his family were feeding him at home. They had no idea that he wasn't supposed to be eating this cause their family doctor and nobody else didn't tell them. If he was eating the food and not complaining, what better did they know? Once both husband and wife were put into the nursing home, they were put on another diet, something that would actually not harm their bodies.
It is minor little things that actually made me change my mind about nursing homes. Right now, I say without doubt that I would never dream of putting anybody into a nursing home. Be it my in-laws or my own parents, I'll do my best for them. I've seen the other side of the coin though. When you have a parent with missing limbs, who is prone to having strokes and who needs on-call medical attention, something that a nurse alone cannot handle, what do you do? Again, it is not like the son and daughter-in-law abandoned them. They were there every day for most of the day and the grand kids would often spend their weekends there with them.
There are so many things you have to consider when making such decisions.