Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
Sadzzz...what you said probably happens a lot. We get married and get busy. Or we move on with other things and get busy. I get complaints from people too about not staying in touch.
But in her case, it was obvious. We were talking infrequently because she had been married for quite some time but we called, talked, visited when she was in town, etc. However, when I was telling her what happened...she got really quiet...listened and then got off the phone. And I never heard from her again. I sent her son some gifts when her son was born and she never called/emailed to say thanks. So, I left it alone. It happens.
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
^ in that case I would definately be hurt.
Like you said, sometimes we just get busy with our lives and hence dont get a chance to keep in touch.. which may feel like we've been cut off.
But for a friend to purposely cut u off (in cases that ive been in) and to later be accused why I cut them off... its a little hurtful.
as someone who hasnt gone through a divorce, yes, it is hard to relate to divorcess, as much as we'd like to. As much as we want to. But by no means do we want to cut a friend off like that (not in my case anways).
I just think we all get so caught up in our lives, and thinking about what others are thinking, rather than really finding out what is going on.... we end up alone, confused, disgruntled with the world... and sometimes even self pity (I feel like that).
Khair, all we can do is keep each other in prayers and wish everyone the best
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
Going through a divorce in our society requires great courage and I really salute women who have been through this and got the stamina to move their way forward in life. I have seen parents who started hiding their divorced daughter and not bringing her in front of people as if she was some stigma for them, although it was their choice of proposal.
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
Marriage and divorce are just both over rated in our society . I think we inherited this attitude from hinduism where a woman have to die with her husband . If you look at Arab culture , there multiple marriages and multiple divorces were and are common . For us both are stigma . Our modernism is not really that modern after all . We are still circling around the same old traditions and judging others by that standards .
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
Marriage and divorce are just both over rated in our society . I think we inherited this attitude from hinduism where a woman have to die with her husband . If you look at Arab culture , there multiple marriages and multiple divorces were and are common . For us both are stigma . Our modernism is not really that modern after all . We are still circling around the same old traditions and judging others by that standards .
This said, I don't think multiple marriages and divorces are good either.
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
people do get busy with their lives and of course most people would check that first but with this divorced lady it was obvious, her friend and she would meet at the usual place almost every week but after she told her that she was in a painful marriage and after years of trying to change to adjust she decided she didn't want to be scared anymore and during that conversation all of us found out that the one that ignored was pregnant, we both called her to make sure everything was ok, she called back and talked with the friends that were married or single but when the divorced lady left a message on her cellphone she ignored her and even when she tried to talk to her husband and her, she said she needed to go shopping and just abruptly left. it was plain to anybody watching or with them that the mood and the way this woman was acting around a friend she talked to often had completely changed
i've never seen it in front of my face before so now i know what pain divorced women go through, she had a painful marriage that was only full of fear and then when they finally free themselves of that scary life, they come across the pain of their good friends deserting them. they are truly strong survivors. Allah bless them with happiness
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
My initial reaction eh:..Sup "insert her name here"...wanna go for coffee or something?. I don't stereotype anyone regardless of their background or their past personal life. What matters is..what and who are they now.
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
Utmost respect & compassion. A Desi divorced woman goes through crap most of us wouldn't even want to dream about. I simply hate how people in our culture judge a divorced woman by saying she should have tried harder or she was not sabar wali or marriage demands sacrifices.
What they don't understand is that no woman in her sane mind wants to let go of that so called marital bliss. I know someone who had talked a lot of crap about an elderly divorced woman & how bad it was because now her daughters will also turn up like their mother. That same girl ended up getting divorced within less than a year of her own marriage.
This brings me to another question what if you find out a woman has done "halala" ? What reaction will that bring?
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
This brings me to another question what if you find out a woman is a porn star (desi woman).
Are you flippin serious with me? You are comparing a woman who does a "Halala" to save her marriage to a porn star. You disgust me.
Re: your initial reaction when you come across a Divorced desi lady?
I dont think of anything when I come across a divorcee. By time you cant avoid coming across a divorced lady, it has become so common as harsh as that may sound.
What does annoy me though is that Some divorce ladies do make it habit that they have to put themselves in a "masson bhooli" limelight (I guess due to our harsh culture), but that be quite annoying and mostly doing the opposite for the lady in question ... at least in my eyes.
About halala, when I come across a lady who has participated in an act like this; My thinking is she doesnt have enough knowledge in Islam and she must have done it out of desperation/pressure by family. I've a hard time believing any sane lady would go through this (especially the way it is done in Pakistan).