I usually get the impression from my husband that I know nothing. He being in a different country, having travelled a lot, technologically advanced in knowledge, working in a good organization knows much more. He doesn’t flaunt about any of this but his interest in what i have to say or what i have to share gives the impression that ‘you know nothing’. I end up looking stupid and dumb most of the times.
Since he has lived many years in Australia and has travelled a lot, he is much more up to date about everything but that doesn’t mean that if I don’t know of a certain thing he knows, I am stupid?
I now feel the need to show myself as some one smart and intelligent. I guess I should watch more movies, read more books, update myself by reading online and basically keep myself up to date and basically look tech-savvy. He isn’t pompous about what he knows and doesn’t but when he asks me about something that i don’t know of he gives a reaction that’s like “hunh! okay so you don’t know about that either.” Its not really about some one thinking you know nothing but it leads to many things in the future. Gradually, your say means nothing since this impression exists. I have seen it happen with my mother. She is a very intelligent woman and smart intellectually as well but since she never spoke out or basically advertised her knowledge in discussions, she was walked all over many times. I don’t want that happening to me as well.
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
Just learn something new each day. Ask yourself what fields interest you - could be sports, arts, literature, history, politics, science whatever.
read up on your field of interest. Travel (if yyou can). Go to museums. Develop a good circle of friends. And try to understand your husband is not oing this deliberately - some of it could be your insecurities, esp considering your mother's being taken for granted.
Re: Your husband thinks you aren’t intelligent enough?
lol well I kinda agree. I guess husbands do this to please themselves. to them for this though. I wouldnt really bother if my husband thinks this way. Any thing to boost his confidence and elf esteem.
Tackle it stratigically, if you dont want this happen with you. Because, you are right when you say that it might have long term implications in the future.
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
If he thinks you are stupid, then you most probably are.
Alright seriously though, you don't have to be all knowledgeable and all informed about everything. I don't know, if he doesn't make you feel less informed on purpose, then perhaps you are just too self conscious about this. Maybe because he is more travelled and more informed in certain aspects of things than you are, you just feel dumb when you are around him.
People have their own areas of interest and things that they excel at. I don't expect my wife to know about my work, about places and cultures I have observed and books that I have read (not that I have read many). But then there are things that she is good at and I am not, things that she has observed and has read and learned about. Its not a competition of intellectual superiority, its a partnership and a relationship based on mutual love and respect. A man and his wife complete each other, she makes up for my weaknesses and vice versa.
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
if he is tech expert, you can find your area of interest for example cooking/photography/gardening/etc and then ask question from him.
he will say he does not know it then you can repeat his own words "hunh! okay so you don't know about that either." I hope, he will never do it again with you.
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
So what things are YOU an "expert" on? Are you able to keep up on conversations regarding current events? What topics does your husband bring up specifically where you lack knowledge?
I guess I should watch more movies, read more books, update myself by reading online and basically keep myself up to date and basically look tech-savvy.
Well.....you should be doing that anyway...no? Do you work? Are you a student? What do you all day that occupies your time? My personal belief is that if you don't want to be treated like an idiot....then don't act like one. And yes, part of coming across as being intelligent is "keeping up" with what's going on in the world....constantly reading/educating yourself and working on your ablility to analyze situations/topics.
Focus on YOUR interests and become experts on those.....however, if your husband has certain topics/hobbies that he likes to talk about.....it certainly won't hurt you to learn more about them so you can carry a converstion with him about those.....not only does it show that you're intelligent....but it also shows that you love him enough to learn about HIS interests too. :)
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
Agree with Janwar - the 2 of you complete each other - so it is not a competition.
Also look at ot this way - your husband is a really sharp and smart person - there is so much you can learn and absorb by just listening to his views -
Curiosity is what makes a person interesting. Just keep your eyes and ears open - absorb like a sponge - what he says, what you ;earnn from reading, watching (good) shows etc.
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
dude don't play his game. Look at you dadi, she wasn't in contest with your dada.
dadi did things dada could not.
Let remember the basic once again.
If he was such smart ass why didn't he do life him self, why did he bring you?
Because he needed you.
There is a thing called comfort, making a family raising a family. These things mean something.
Smart ass cell phones, message boards chatting thingies electronics don't really mean any thing.
Find your domain in his world..
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
I usually get the impression from my husband that I know nothing. He being in a different country, having travelled a lot, technologically advanced in knowledge, working in a good organization knows much more. He doesn't flaunt about any of this but his interest in what i have to say or what i have to share gives the impression that 'you know nothing'. I end up looking stupid and dumb most of the times.
Since he has lived many years in Australia and has travelled a lot, he is much more up to date about everything but that doesn't mean that if I don't know of a certain thing he knows, I am stupid?
I now feel the need to show myself as some one smart and intelligent. I guess I should watch more movies, read more books, update myself by reading online and basically keep myself up to date and basically look tech-savvy. He isn't pompous about what he knows and doesn't but when he asks me about something that i don't know of he gives a reaction that's like "hunh! okay so you don't know about that either." Its not really about some one thinking you know nothing but it leads to many things in the future. Gradually, your say means nothing since this impression exists. I have seen it happen with my mother. She is a very intelligent woman and smart intellectually as well but since she never spoke out or basically advertised her knowledge in discussions, she was walked all over many times. I don't want that happening to me as well.
talk to him using ONLY the 'famous quotes'...if he doesn't know any of these then he has to prove himself to you! :D
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
Peace AbraCadabra
Spouses are supposed to complete one another ... not compete with one another ... so the idea is not to show that you are intelligent ... but to show that you are WILLING.
Either willing to do
or
willing to learn about it
... Sometimes it is easy for us to say "I dunno how to do that or I dunno what that is" ... instead of taking the opportunity to say "Hmm ... that sounds interesting show me how you do it and I'll take over from now on" or "I'll read up about that"
If you don't know something that he is asking you to help out in ... then the right answer is to "offer to help him in another way" ... Mostly when we say "I don't know" it really means "I don't care and I don't want to know" and that is what leads to the expression on the face ... not the idea that the other is ignorant but that they are unwilling to be able to do what is being asked from them ...
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
Do some magic AbraCadabra
Seriously, are his looks that condescending, or are you just reading too much into it? Has he said something blatant about what he perceives to be your lack of knowledge? I'd make sure before opening up a can of whupass on him. That's all!
Re: Your husband thinks you aren't intelligent enough?
Usually the feeling of being "this or that" doesn't come from the other person, but comes from within the person themselves and they cast that on to others ... really it is AbraCadabra who feels that she is not intelligent and therefore she should do something about it. But not so she can convince her hubby, but so she can convince herself ...
to them for this though. I wouldnt really bother if my husband thinks this way. Any thing to boost his confidence and elf esteem.