My friend’s husband failed a professional exam. She has alot more then him savings wise, as so he is urging her to pay for his exam once more (about 2k,) and also pay for his review course (about 3k). She already paid for his exam the first time, and paid for his travel expense. I told her that since he has the savings ( like 10k i think she mentioned) he should payfor it himself, because A) she already paid once, b) he is not the nicest guy, and tries to control her finances.
I told her that she should put her foot down and not pay it, as he will not be nice or greatful that she paid it. and he will just continue taking money from her. She said that when she initially said no, he said ok just give my like 750-1000 for half of the exam fees.
She then was like, in a marrage u gotta be helpful to one another, and in the future when he is a professional he will be nice to her.
I think she is being foolish.
Anythoughts? Just wanted to know if my thoughts are correct, as since she already paid once, and he failed, whats the point in her paying again, and him getting used to it. My concern is that he already has a job, its not like a real professional job, but it pays like more then minimum wage. so comeone, he should pay for it.
I don't think she should pay for it. She shouldn't be harsh about it. Jut be like she's saving that money for their future. And if he can afford it, why would she even be asked to pay for it?
I've been noticing this a lot on this forum lately. What's up with men wanting to live off their wives' money? Islamically, the man is supposed to be the breadwinner and anything the woman earns is hers to do with as she pleases :D
NOT a penny MORE! tell him to pay for his expenses at least...he seems like a 'free loader' ... don't let him ruin your financial standing...keep your money way away from his reach...be careful!
I don’t understand all this “his money” “her money” one person asking the other to pay for stuff…isn’t it all “theirs”? Is there no joint management of finances and savings? How long has this couple been married? And is the rest of their household expenses split 50-50? Do they even know how much the other makes?
CPA: How are their finances divided? It sounds like all their bank accounts are separate. Who pays the rent, bills, groceries etc? Are they BOTH working full-time? Or is the husband working full-time while taking courses?
NOT a penny MORE! tell him to pay for his expenses at least...he seems like a 'free loader' ... don't let him ruin your financial standing...keep your money way away from his reach...be careful!
Whats wrong in giving the money? ...... he isn't asking for that money to waste it on shopping or something..... he is just doing this for his career, to get a nice job .....
Normally I'm all about protecting your finances as a woman, but here I'd say she should foot SOME money or offer to cover the household expenses while he dips into his expenses to cover the exam. If he has 10k in savings he can use that for the exams and if there are other expenses meanwhile she can pitch in with those to take some financial strain off him. If he spends some of his own money he will be more likely be serious about studying.
I've been in a situation where I was swearing up and down id fail an exam but thankfully didn't, so I can feel this guy's pain.
Having said that he needs to work his arse off and stop worrying so much about his money.
Agreed at the surprise over how many guys are controlling the girls finances, it's pretty shocking.
CPA: How are their finances divided? It sounds like all their bank accounts are separate. Who pays the rent, bills, groceries etc? Are they BOTH working full-time? Or is the husband working full-time while taking courses?
The guy came to the US this year. he just got a job. the girl pays for everything rent, bils, groceries. he has some saving that he uses for things like haircuts. other wise he doesn't pay for anything, and gives her a hard time.
Whats wrong in giving the money? ...... he isn't asking for that money to waste it on shopping or something..... he is just doing this for his career, to get a nice job .....
but he has his own money, he can pay for it him self.
A couple of thoughts from my esteemed, sought after and wisdom filled opinion. Why even have separate accounts? Is that the norm?
Begum and I have joint accounts and it's never an issue of my money or her money. I make 4X her salary but there is never a dialogue of my money or her money, we make sensible decisions together and also nonsense decisions ..sometimes together, sometimes solo. The only separate account I have is retirement savings on which she is the primary beneficiary.
Now.. In this couples case, the issue seems to be more than just who pays for the exam and separate accounts.
Unless he has some major commitments due to which he can not use the 10K he has stashed away for his own exam, there is no logical reason for him to ask her to pay. Especially if she is paying the bills anyways, so it's not an issue of ..'can we pay out if your account, because what is in my account is going for rent, utilities, etc'
Again..just by the sounds of this. I think the argument on who pays is the least of the issues in this relationship.
Yikes. These are the stories that scare the crap out of me. What were the conversations before marriage? Did her family emphasize that she was not to be the breadwinner and how the heck is he going to support her ?
This is why I plan on keeping my money separate and have no problem now telling guys that their name will not be on my account nor will I be responsible for all the bills. I'll pay 50% but if he wants to be married he better be footing 50% of the bill himself or he goes back to Pakistan. Most guys don't even talk to me after that - great weed out system.
What was the discussion about finances previously?
Not necessarily - it can be, if the GIRL chooses to, but she is completely within her Islamic rights to say ‘my money is mine’. The husband however, is not.
That’s great - but as a man, it’s your JOB to that. It’s not any ehsaan on her (I am not suggesting you think that, I’m just pointing it out).
OP - sounds like your friend is being taken for a ride. She is already footing the bill for the running costs of everything; why should SHE pay for something he is CHOOSING not to? I also agree with a previous poster that if he pays for the fees uss ko qadar hogi about how much he spent, and perhaps work even harder next time round for the exam
Not necessarily - it can be, if the GIRL chooses to, but she is completely within her Islamic rights to say 'my money is mine'. The husband however, is not.
That's great - but as a man, it's your JOB to that. It's not any ehsaan on her (I am not suggesting you think that, I'm just pointing it out).
OP - sounds like your friend is being taken for a ride. She is already footing the bill for the running costs of everything; why should SHE pay for something he is CHOOSING not to? I also agree with a previous poster that if he pays for the fees uss ko qadar hogi about how much he spent, and perhaps work even harder next time round for the exam
I'm very well aware of a wife's Islamic rights and a husband's duty towards his household. I also know that if they are quibbling about who pays for what, there are much bigger issues at hand in their marriage than their finances
Not necessarily - it can be, if the GIRL chooses to, but she is completely within her Islamic rights to say 'my money is mine'. The husband however, is not.
That's great - but as a man, it's your JOB to that. It's not any ehsaan on her (I am not suggesting you think that, I'm just pointing it out).
This is fast becoming another one of those highly misunderstood and abuse concepts in Islam. The whole my money is mine rule is largely there to protect girls' inheritance or any money she brings into the marriage. If a wife chooses to work for 9 hours a day for five days a week and comes home and snaps her fingers saying my money is mine, don't even look at it, don't touch it, don't sniff it (she might just live in hostel be and single). So in that case, I'm sure Islam gives man a complete right to part ways with such woman if he is unhappy with her behaviour. Or worse, he can actually turn around and say no you stay at home, I'll provide for you and you in return be pleased with whatever halal earning I bring home. Or to make things turn into an absolute disaster, he can just take another wife. Islamically he's totally allowed to do that, right? So you really cannot use the term "Islamically" to apply hard and fast rules and say that's it. Every rule in Islam comes with an indepth context and room for flexibility, consultation and compromise.
Marriage in Islam is all about partnership, team work and lasting companionship.
The guy came to the US this year. he just got a job. the girl pays for everything rent, bils, groceries. he has some saving that he uses for things like haircuts. other wise he doesn't pay for anything, and gives her a hard time.
I see. I agree with what X2 wrote. Since the wife is paying ALL other expenses, and the husband has more than enough $ in his personal account to pay for the exams, it should be the husband who pays for it (UNLESS there is some other major reason he NEEDS to save that money).
BTW, your friend is clearly financially independent. Sounds like this is a new marriage and they don't have any children. If the husband is already not treating her well, then she needs to decide whether or not she wants to live with him for the rest of her life. And if she chooses to stay, then she needs to stop complaining about him giving her a hard time, trying to control her etc. There are many women out there who literally cannot leave men due to lack of money, living in a society where a divorced woman out be an outcast etc. A woman in the U.S. who makes enough money to pay for all the bills in the marriage has no one to blame but herself if she chooses to continue staying in a marriage like this.
How long has this couple been married? And is the rest of their household expenses split 50-50? Do they even know how much the other makes?