Supposing you are having your first child, and the pregnancy has not been easy and you have gotten no help from family as such since you live away from them.
Supposing someone within the inlaws announces that she is pregnant too and is in fact delivering a week before you. Supposing it is the younger brother’s wife, and this is her second child (her first is eight months old). Supposing she was superbly pampered in the first pregnancy and suppose that she breaks this to you when you are halfway through your pregnancy.
How hurt would you feel?
It was YOUR baby’s time. He/she deserved the undivided attention of both sides of the family.
Be thankful to Allah for giving you this pregnancy. YOU give your baby all the thunder he/she deserves. My nephew pretty much has no attention from his Dad's side, other than his dad's immediate family. No one from his dad's side congratulated on his birth, they dont care to even know his name.. but he got so much attention and love from his mother's side that no one ever felt that he is lacking in love or attention.
I am sorry but this is what I understood....supposing someone is pregnant with the first child and no one else should preferably have a baby or be pregnant around those 9 months ...??
For every couple their baby is special..be it the first one or the second or third,no matter how old the elder one is.There might be a few exceptions but that is not the point.
If it is the exact situation as mentioned above,I wouldn't care...I am too happy being pregnant myslef and looking forward to my my first born and this all just doesn't matter.Meree taraf se everyone can go ahead and have a baby....:D
my husband pampered me during the pregnancy, when my mom came over in my 8th month, she took care of me along with hubby but honestly what mattered most was that my hubby was taking good care of me. alhamdulilah.
Pregnancy hormones really. My Mom lives 15 minutes away and this is my first pregnancy, she wants to pamper the hell out of me but I do everything for my husband and myself on my own. My mom's done so much for me already. My in-laws went all-out for their daughter, calling us every stage of the pregnancy, bringing her home for the entire 9 months, and my mom did a lot for her too. They don't do the same for me...my MIL barely asks how I'm feeling. I'm just extremely thankful that my baby is healthy, and when my husband does the laundry occasionally despite being tired from work and school it means the world to me. That's really all that matters.
Babies are gonna happen all the time - you can't really control that. Instead of stressing, just enjoy your big belly and reason to eat cake all the time. =P
its not really anything you can control, is it? your baby will have all the love and attention he needs from you and your husband; everything else is a bonus.
plus, when the baby gets here, everyone will be elated, you'll see.
I don't care how many babies are born in my khandan, my baby is special to me and my husband and thats all that matters. i couldn't care less about other people stealing my babys thunder. he's my thunder and i will love him to death and thats all the love and attention he needs.
my sister in law had the first baby from my inlaws side and i got pregnant shortly after she did, i got zero attention from my inlaws. did i care? nope. now that my due date is getting closer, my mother in law is getting really excited and is shopping and all and planning stuff for my baby. its sweet, but even if she didn't i would have been perfectly fine. my husband takes care of me, and my parents send me their prayers and duas from far away and i feel extremely grateful , blessed and happy. so should you!
I'm glad you are all bigger people than I am in that regard. I guess a lot of background is needed before the actual dynamics are understood of this situation.
Kher, those who are pregnant, Allah unko khush rahkhe and grant them healthy happy babies
The rest, thanks for your input.
Perhaps it is just me, but I wanted my child to have all the attention he/she deserves from all involved, and not be marginalised. Perhaps that is just a mom speaking.
S_Punk this is what happens in most of the cases. Usually the daughters steal the thunder and care away from mothers and when comes the turn of the daughter INLAW, wooof the MIL is spent!! But yes!! Who cares!!! At the end of the day, its YOU, YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY, and YOUR LIFE.
demesne, i get that feeling of being marginalized and not wanting your child to go through the same, but seeing someone pregnant and then actually meeting their baby after birth can do much to change people's feelings and opinions. and such will be the case with your in-laws too, you'll see. i was very lucky masha'Allah to be pampered by my parents during my pregnancy but it doesn't even compare to the love and affection i, and my son, now get from everyone in the family. not that we weren't loved before, but it is different when your parents and parents-in-law see you as a mother, and not just as a daughter/DIL. it changes relationships for the better, i found, and especially with the women in the family because you're now one of them, so to speak. its like you've completed a rite of passage.
Demesne I hope it was the spur of the moment and you are feeling better now. Ofcourse if someone in the family is hiding the news of their pregnancy from you (and pretend) that they themselves come to know of it in the 5th month I would say its gross. But people, some of them, are actually made of such stuff. DONT BOTHER. You have your reasons to be happy and excited. Dont kill them for any XYZ
You shouldn't think like that. Every child is special to their parents. I had no one by my side all through my pregnancy. Had a very rough pregnancy. I gave birth with no family by my side. I cooked for my husband when I was having severe contractions. No one pampered me. I did everything alone from laundry to cooking to cleaning. But guess what, I gave birth to a healthy child without anyone's help. I wouldn't have it any other way. I loved going to appointments alone without having to worry about ghar main sab intezaar kar rahay hoon gaey ke kiya hua. Very few people in my family knew that my son was diagnosed with a rare condition while I was pregnant. I didn't have to explain that to anyone. I loved being busy and not being pampered. You should be happy for her. No one steals anyones thunder. For my next pregnancy, I am not asking for anyone my mother or MIL or anyone for that matter to come help me. I want to do it alone.
My kid happened after 7 years of marriage and about 4-5 years of trying.she was the first one on my side of the family and I think the 13th or 14th grandkid on my husband's side of the family.
I was not pampered by anyone during my pregnancy as no one was living with me or near me (except for the husband ofcourse).Were there times when I wanted to be pampered..??..YES...!!..I Did I feel sad about it..??..Yeah sure at times...
Ever since I have had the kid and the times I have taken her back home (where our families are) she is so so loved and cherished by everyone including extended family on my side,even by those who I thought would not even bother,that it is amazing.It is such a heartwarming feeling.My daughter happens to be the baby of the family after about 15 years on my side so it makes sense.
It is a different story on the inlaws side and there are too many reasons for that.The most important one being that there is a baby or two being born every year either at his brother's house or his sister and it must have become no big deal for my inlaws.But it does not matter.
I never felt anything about her thunder shunder.She is a lil hurricane in herself...!!
So don't worry too much,blame it on the pregnancy hormones and be assured that things do change when the baby comes with relatives...:)
My kid happened after 7 years of marriage and about 4-5 years of trying.she was the first one on my side of the family and I think the 13th or 14th grandkid on my husband's side of the family.
I was not pampered by anyone during my pregnancy as no one was living with me or near me (except for the husband ofcourse).Were there times when I wanted to be pampered..??..YES...!!..I Did I feel sad about it..??..Yeah sure at times...
Ever since I have had the kid and the times I have taken her back home (where our families are) she is so so loved and cherished by everyone including extended family on my side,even by those who I thought would not even bother,that it is amazing.It is such a heartwarming feeling.My daughter happens to be the baby of the family after about 15 years on my side so it makes sense.
It is a different story on the inlaws side and there are too many reasons for that.The most important one being that there is a baby or two being born every year either at his brother's house or his sister and it must have become no big deal for my inlaws.But it does not matter.
I never felt anything about her thunder shunder.She is a lil hurricane in herself...!!
So don't worry too much,blame it on the pregnancy hormones and be assured that things do change when the baby comes with relatives...:)
awww, i think you deserved to be pampered during your pregnancy. <3
^^Thanks…
I pampered myself enough ...I was taken extra care of by the husband,so it was good.
Alhumdullilah it was an otherwise easy pregnancy and I loved preparing for the baby,going for doctor visits and the nesting phases in the last few months.And now I miss being pregnant…!!
demesne, i get that feeling of being marginalized and not wanting your child to go through the same, but seeing someone pregnant and then actually meeting their baby after birth can do much to change people's feelings and opinions. and such will be the case with your in-laws too, you'll see. i was very lucky masha'Allah to be pampered by my parents during my pregnancy but it doesn't even compare to the love and affection i, and my son, now get from everyone in the family. not that we weren't loved before, but it is different when your parents and parents-in-law see you as a mother, and not just as a daughter/DIL. it changes relationships for the better, i found, and especially with the women in the family because you're now one of them, so to speak. its like you've completed a rite of passage.
Thats a very balanced and positive thought. I wish same happens with everyone.
pregnancy hormones for sure!!
dont worry dem…i was alone throughout my pregnancy,delivery and postpartum days but i was much relaxed as my husband was with me(seriously i dont know n dont care what will be the situation if my mom or mil were here)…but being with a supportive and loving husband is the greatest joy!! specially during delivery!
my parents havent met their grandson yet…but i know when i will visit them i will be recognized as a mom!!!me n my baby will have our individual place in the family!
REALLY 
.I was taken extra care of by the husband,so it was good.