Your appearance and desi culture

[NomiCA]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

Individuals make up the culture...........

[Sweetmoi]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

I have noticed this. Desi in pakistan have this need to mock the other for whatever reason. I think this is due to insecurities of their own. They need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves .. I bet if you answer them back you're labeled as Taiz-taraz and not to forget badtamiz.

[TLK]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@hareem01

Why do desis make fun of others who are short or dark or fat or too thin?

what do you call a fat desi girl standing at the bus stop

moti-waiting

I am so funny

ok sorry I am not

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

hahahahaha good one

@TLK

what do you call a fat desi girl standing at the bus stop

moti-waiting

I am so funny

ok sorry I am not

[hareem01]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@TLK

what do you call a fat desi girl standing at the bus stop

moti-waiting

I am so funny

ok sorry I am not

TLK stopppp it.

[NomiCA]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

I have noticed this. Desi in pakistan have this need to mock the other for whatever reason. I think this is due to insecurities of their own. They need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves .. I bet if you answer them back you're labeled as Taiz-taraz and not to forget badtamiz.

yea....stay away from them ....... as i said before......desi race needs some remixin n stuff....to get the bad traits out of them.........

[Mirch]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

Most desi like to make everything about you their business , your hair , your clothes , your face , the way you talk , the way you walk , the way you look is all their business.
Heck the color , the size , the style of your hair , your clothes etc is their business too.
How do you deal with it ? Either ignore or use your wits to outsmart them.

[Sara516]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@mithi_muskaan

In college days i gained weight, and became quite gol matol and the aunty crew made me feel fatter than i was, and because my skin being fair kids used to call me snowman and really did get to me. Saying things like bechari kitni pyari hai lekin itni moti hai, and once one of them gave me a big talk about how nobody will come for my rishta etc etc.

meh, story of my (pre marriage) life from age 6 and onwards....

I have noticed this. Desi in pakistan have this need to mock the other for whatever reason. I think this is due to insecurities of their own. They need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves .. I bet if you answer them back you're labeled as Taiz-taraz and not to forget badtamiz.

LOL!!

[redvelvet]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

Why do desis make fun of others who are short or dark or fat or too thin?

You sure it's ONLY desis? I belive that people of other races can be critical of looks as well. But perhaps you've encountered the problem mostly among desis.

I'm short...5 feet 2...and I haven't been made fun of for my height. I was very chubby as a kid and I got teased for that...especially by relos. When I lost the weight in my mid teens.....and my face was more defined and I really looked well.....I found that the cousins who teased me about my weight picked on me for being too skinny and for other things. Those that never made fun of me....would compliment and were very encouraging. Funny thing is that ones who made fun of me either way...struggled with being overweight themselves. The difference between me and them was that I had enough sense not to make any less than positive comments about their looks...whereas they....being much older than I am....(and believing that I should quietly tolerate their bakwaas because they were "baajis") failed to set a positive example (behavior wise) for those younger than them. What the experience taught me is that some people will be bitter no matter what.....so lower your expectations....don't rely upon their approval for your self-wort/esteem. I've talked to my mom about this issue several times...and she feels that our cousins in Pak....especailly from the city we're from which severely lacks job opportunities for women....their main aim in life is to get married....and knowing the emphasis on fair skin and what have you...that is among their primary concerns...what they're most competitive about. I know that there will be exceptions to the generalization and I've seen some. My mom didn't say this in a way that looks down on them...but it was her explanation based upon her own observations and experiences with having grown up there.

Also, I've seen such insecure behavior in desis who were born/raised in the US...though not as often as in Pak.

[TheNoodle]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@redvelvet

You sure it’s ONLY desis? I belive that people of other races can be critical of looks as well. But perhaps you’ve encountered the problem mostly among desis.

I’m short…5 feet 2…and I haven’t been made fun of for my height. I was very chubby as a kid and I got teased for that…especially by relos. When I lost the weight in my mid teens…and my face was more defined and I really looked well…I found that the cousins who teased me about my weight picked on me for being too skinny and for other things. Those that never made fun of me…would compliment and were very encouraging. Funny thing is that ones who made fun of me either way…struggled with being overweight themselves. The difference between me and them was that I had enough sense not to make any less than positive comments about their looks…whereas they…being much older than I am…(and believing that I should quietly tolerate their bakwaas because they were “baajis”) failed to set a positive example (behavior wise) for those younger than them. What the experience taught me is that some people will be bitter no matter what…so lower your expectations…don’t rely upon their approval for your self-wort/esteem. I’ve talked to my mom about this issue several times…and she feels that our cousins in Pak…especailly from the city we’re from which severely lacks job opportunities for women…their main aim in life is to get married…and knowing the emphasis on fair skin and what have you…that is among their primary concerns…what they’re most competitive about. I know that there will be exceptions to the generalization and I’ve seen some. My mom didn’t say this in a way that looks down on them…but it was her explanation based upon her own observations and experiences with having grown up there.

Also, I’ve seen such insecure behavior in desis who were born/raised in the US…though not as often as in Pak.

Brilliant. I am a fan

[chaibiskut]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

"Besides, people naturally tend to be very blunt with folks they know well enough, its not like Desis go around tell random people on their face that you're ugly or whatever."

I don't agree. I think they have an unhealthy obsession with what other people look like and feel the need to comment.

The first time I went to Pakistan, people I had never met previously in my life (and no relation) thought they needed to make comments on how thin I was and how I needed to be more 'healthy'.

And another time when I stayed with a friend for a few days in Lahore and we went out with her friends, her male friends could not stop "taking the mickey" (this is for you, Hareem) about the fact I wore glasses... like wtf? I was in my mid twenties btw.

Now, I don't give a crap but it is annoying. Like I want your opinion??

In nerdy solidarity, let me just say being four-eyed is haute, sistah. Ditto on your experience being lean, mean, and bespectacled. In the motherland, glasses mean you're blind and thin means you don't have love handles. The local breed doesn't seem to have mentally moved on from middle school. It's funny because now, every time I see a Tom, Dick, or Harry wearing thick, black frames trying to channel Johnny Depp, I'm like I looked like Tina Fey way before it was cool, FOO!

[stoppit]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

I had just bought new frames too, there was no way you were gonna get them off me!

[name_105]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@hareem01

Few blogs and threads have made me ask this question. Why do desis make fun of others who are short or dark or fat or too thin?

I was one of the shortest girls in my year in school and many times other girls used to make fun of my height…even worse my relatives (aunts, cousins etc) were the same. I grew up with this inferiority complex about my height.

In western society, it’s totally different and the amount of attention and compliments I received here has somehow made me earn the confidence back.

Why are desis back home so mean?

its because they have nothing else to talk about…i have seen it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears, desi aunties (esp the ones living in Pak) talk abt nothing except relatives and their looks !!!

@hareem01

They probably judge me more than desis do but not on my face. In desi and non-desi schools, among kids the reason of making fun and bullying can be understood but when I compare desi adults to non-desi adults, I think non-desi adults are polite about it. But again, I have no non-desi relatives and I don’t know how one’s non-desi relatives act in such situations. **But the general public is more understanding and accepting towards physical appearance issues in West.

**Having said that, I might be wrong and this could be just the way I perceive them.

well said :k:

[name_105]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

Desis are less PC and that's about it (That doesn't mean you should address the issue). You will get stick for being short, fat and ugly everywhere in the world. And if you're older, you're just not being laughed at in your face; it still happens behind your back.

True story.

may be the part of world u live in it happens too, but i hav lived in the west and trust me i have seen it happening that they appreciate people on their abilities (whatever they are good at doing) and even friends among themselves never discuss how another friend of theirs looks even behind the friend's back if that friend is not very good looking...

[goddamniamsoawesome]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@name_105

may be the part of world u live in it happens too, but i hav lived in the west and trust me i have seen it happening that they appreciate people on their abilities (whatever they are good at doing) and even friends among themselves never discuss how another friend of theirs looks even behind the friend's back if that friend is not very good looking...

That part of the world would be Canada, Wales, England, France and Dubai. Is that West enough for you?
Not mentioning the countless other places where I have friends.
Go to any highschool or college. You get stick while you're growing up all the time.

Next time you want to spout off about 'the part of the world I live in' maybe try and choke on a pretzel?

[Dil_Pakistan]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@name_105

may be the part of world u live in it happens too, but i hav lived in the west and trust me i have seen it happening that they appreciate people on their abilities (whatever they are good at doing) and even friends among themselves never discuss how another friend of theirs looks even behind the friend's back if that friend is not very good looking...

You have seen that happening, but you didnt see happening what they all do behind the back, because well... it happens behind the back.

Good and bad is everywhere. I live in the west too, and I see a lot of this nastyness happening here (done by goray). So it's definitely not a desi trait.

[Gaia]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@stoppit

“Besides, people naturally tend to be very blunt with folks they know well enough, its not like Desis go around tell random people on their face that you’re ugly or whatever.”

I don’t agree. I think they have an unhealthy obsession with what other people look like and feel the need to comment.

The first time I went to Pakistan, people I had never met previously in my life (and no relation) thought they needed to make comments on how thin I was and how I needed to be more ‘healthy’.

And another time when I stayed with a friend for a few days in Lahore and we went out with her friends, her male friends could not stop “taking the mickey” (this is for you, Hareem) about the fact I wore glasses… like wtf? I was in my mid twenties btw.

Now, I don’t give a crap but it is annoying. Like I want your opinion??

THIS!!

I actually prepare myself for the judgmental remarks I get when I come to PK .

“app ki skin tou much darker hae, app ki ammi say.”

“app tou America main rahthi hae, pir hijab kiyu?”

“weight lose ya gain kiya hae?”

“no rishtas, abi tak?” (I loved this one and p.s I was 18)

For all those arguing that this happens all over, ermm no it doesn’t. Ya if your fat/ugly/short/ in high school you get made fun off, that’s different. But What I’m referring to, are grown people who say this stuff with this attitude, and you’re like, really? I have never heard of anyone passing remarks like this here in the States, besides high school, which no one should really take seriously.

[goddamniamsoawesome]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@Gaia

For all those arguing that this happens all over, ermm no it doesn’t. Ya if your fat/ugly/short/ in high school you get made fun off, that’s different. But What I’m referring to, are grown people who say this stuff with this attitude, and you’re like, really? I have never heard of anyone passing remarks like this, besides high school, which no one should take seriously.

I was mainly referring to highschool/college and girls (Because you know, that never changes no matter how old a girl is ).

When it comes to adults and disses in your face, I haven’t really experienced it in with Desis or Non-Desis so I can’t say much.
Though, I have seen randoms get insulted by randoms (Short, Fat, Ugly, Skinny, Big Head, Small Head, etc… etc…).

[Dil_Pakistan]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

@Gaia

For all those arguing that this happens all over, ermm no it doesn't. Ya if your fat/ugly/short/ in high school you get made fun off, that's different. But What I'm referring to, are grown people who say this stuff with this attitude, and you're like, really? I have never heard of anyone passing remarks like this here in the States, besides high school, which no one should take seriously.

Well, I am certainly not talking about high-schoolers. Or maybe i am just seeing hallucinations day in day out....

[Mad_Hatter]

Re: Your appearance and desi culture

Its usually aunties who say it with my lot. They can't help themselves, they either think that they're being 'funny' or that it's okay for them to say it cos they mean it in a 'helpful' way
Grrrr