young women yearn for 1950s role as stay-at-home mums

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Re: young women yearn for 1950s role as stay-at-home mums

And if you look at the families of the 50s and 60s, kids were so much healthier and active and secure. Give them a ball and they didnt need expensive video toys, dvds, computers etc etc. Theres a growing trend to get back to that - and not only is it great for the children, its even better for the household budget. This could allow more women to make the choice of whether or not to stay home.

Pray tell Mother of 3 boys, what the hell does the quality of toys and playing have anything to do with mommy sitting at home. If you dont want your kids to play with expensive senseless toys, then you wont buy them for the kids, regardless of whether you work or not!

Weird logic, really mamaof3.

Saimanyc: Again, you are totally missing my point. Financial survivorship is something this study ignores entirely. It goes from what WOMEN WANT (evidence) --> REVERSAL OF ROLES (conclusion).

That conclusion is not just based on what women want. What I'm saying is they are ignoring the aspect of finances. You yourself said it would be easier and make more sense financially if you just stay at home with the kids, since your pay would go to a nanny anyway. So, even in your decision to stay home, there WAS a financial card involved!

So, perhaps I should modify my argument to fit YOU into the whole picture better. Financial considerations can make a woman work when she doesn't want to, OR it can also influence a woman to stay at home with the kids!

My mother and father actually had a similar issue. They were living in the states and they had no family here, so no one to drop the kids off to. So my mother sat at home with us. My daddy's starting salary was not 40-50,000 (count yourself lucky, I only HOPE to make that much in some time), it was like 20,000. With college loans to pay off!

Yeah, he ended up doing 3 jobs to support us. IF it wasn't for his business acuity, we would not have survived on a one-parent income.

And I think my family has had it lucky. I come across a lot of poverty here in Miami, and most people are just struggling to survive, so even households with sit-at-home moms are not being run very well and in a healthy manner in a lot of these caribbean refugee families.

Sit at home moms are NOT a solution.

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Oh yeah, and I keep bringing your hubby into the picture, because you keep talking about him.

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I so so agree with u, wats wrong with people? and not just pakistanis but also of other nationality they all have this attitude that being a housewife means either ur opressed or ur lazy, i mean can no woman choose to be a housewife??

I agree with Pyaricgudia when she says that wat a woman wants is the freedom to choose rather then be told to do something. I have seen working women who gave up their highly paid jobs to look after their kids & as they did it on their own free will they were happy doing it.

But when a woman works bcoz she needs to support the family financially - the situation is different- it becomes a necessity rather than a personal choice.

Also ive a question in mind- when both husband and wife are working why is it assumed that its the duty of a woman to look after the kids, their studies, home, inlaws?? - why cant the husband be a part of it all too?:confused:

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I so so agree with u, wats wrong with people? and not just pakistanis but also of other nationality they all have this attitude that being a housewife means either ur opressed or ur lazy, i mean can no woman choose to be a housewife??

Its such a mess really. Women who work, look down on women who are housewives and assume they are being lazy and such. Raising kids is no easy task.

BUT at the same time, a lot of housewives think THEIR way is the HEALTHIEST and look down on working moms as bad moms. THAT is the problem I have!

*Also ive a question in mind- when both husband and wife are working why is it assumed that its the duty of a woman to look after the kids, their studies, home, inlaws?? - why cant the husband be a part of it all too? *

Right on, sister!!! Let's have male guppies' input on this. Those stupid suckers...

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There is nothing wrong with staying at home and there is nothing wrong with working moms. Kids are fine in either case, anyone who thinks one is better than the other is a moron of the highest degree.

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I agree with Matsui. :k:

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Yes, Matsui isone of the more balanced posters....

anyway, PCG,k here's the scoop on my "really wierd logic"....starting in the 80s kids toys and clothes got really super expensive. They needed "designer clothes" to fit in and the latest videos, dvds, computers, video games and players etc etc. You cannot begin to imagine the cost of financing all this. But give the kid a soccer ball and send them outside and they have the world. This can be seen if you know any kids, when I went to see a 14 year old nephew in a concert, the percentage of obese kids was absolutely staggering. Adult onset diabetes is running rampant now in CHILDREN - why? cause they're spending their time with their hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of couch-potato toys, eating junk foods and getting no exercise. So my "wierd logic" is that you dont have to go to work to earn lots of money to buy all these "hot" toys. i've seen so many posts here from women who want to be able to buy whatever they want so they will never give up a career. My point was that well, who really needs STUFF? It really isnt that important. And if thats your reason for being a career mom then its just dumb. If you want it for fulfillment or to set an example for your children thats an admirable thing, as is working because you need to. I just see some immaturity, greed and selfishness at times when this whole argument is raised. Anyway, if you arent spending all these hundreds and hundreds on techno-toys and designer clothes, then your budget isnt as tight and the wife MAY be able to stay home IF SHE WANTS TO!!! Get it? As far as men helping out with all the house-hold tasks, well you need to search for a man who views marriage as a partnership rather than an ownership.

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I agree with Mehnaz.

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Re: young women yearn for 1950s role as stay-at-home mums

Dude, forget the toys. No one ever mentioned that women are working so that they can get the expensive stuff for their own kids!

Just buying a house (which only recently I've found out how hard that is!) and that too in a respectable and safe neighborhood with good schools (means the district area has high taxes), and being able to put QUALITY food on the table (my family spends so much money on halaal meat which is overpriced to begin with for apparently no damn reason), and to be able to have enough money on the side to BUILD UP SAVINGS and PERSUE SOME HOBBIES (a lot of pasttimes can be very expensive - wait till your kids want to be on a male crew team or something!) , etc etc etc - the list goes on forever.

Just fulfilling your needs and adding that little extra to have a quality middle-class lifestyle is expensive.

And I dont think you can honestly cut all that on a 30,000-40,000 dollar salary. I know, because I look at our family lifestyle and I KNOW we dont spend on too much luxurious stuff to begin with, and we definitely could not survive on one man's one-job income if that income is 30-40 thousand (which is average middle class INDIVIDUAL income).

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Yes, PCG, when a mother HAS TO work, its a very different thing, a difficult thingnot to have the choice...but I didnt think that this was the TOPIC OF THE THREAD?????? Rather, I thought the thread was about what women would PREFER???????

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:smack: And what I’m saying is that for MOST households (middle class and lower class) - a mother HAS to work, so since it becomes a majority of cases, it is a pertinent issue which the study has ignored!

You and Saiman are assuming that most households have the gunjaish (tolerance) for a one income coming from the husband - but really, your husbands are just making more than others - so you can’t hold yourselves to be the example for all.

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Re: young women yearn for 1950s role as stay-at-home mums

In Mahattan there are a lot of stay at home mom’s. That is because their husbands make enough so that they cn have that option. THere are also mom’s that work eventhough their husbands make enough, together with their husband they figure out ways to provide coverage, care etc. I don’t see kids in either situation being raised without love or being developmetally challenged.

What PCG said is true…go to queens…the desi mentality of kids being not cared for if their mothers work is so deeply embedded in their psyche that wives of cab drivers stay home on their fat asses, while the father works 22 hrs a day, sees his kids 1/2 day a week and cannot make enough to improve his family’s socio econimc standing. You know what this creates? This creates the culture of ghettofication of desis. They huddle together in pockets, their kids with no good long term prospects for better schooling or jobs, hang out infront of Kebab King…but you know what…their mothers are better because they stayed at home. Mashallah. :flower1:

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Re: young women yearn for 1950s role as stay-at-home mums

That's what I'm saying Matsui. Here, the memon clan - MOST moms are stay at home moms. And I think only one kid made it to medical school...oh wait, her mom WORKS. Nevermind.

The others didn't even go to college. Some of these girls are now married and their HUSBANDS are making them go to college. Yeah, they definitely had a great home environment!

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Oh and Saiman, if you are living in Manhattan on $40/50K a year and only your husband is doing his residency. Let me guess the circumstances...your housing is paid for or subsidized tremendously by the hospital (a one bedroom apartment runs around $24/2500 month- that alone would be around 80% of your husbands salary net taxes) , your healthcare is paid for. Now imagine someone living on $40K in queens and running a household, while not having subsidized housing and still pontificating on the virtues of parenthood while sitting at home, while their kids are quickly looking at a one way ticket to driving their fathers livery cab.

I think your example for yourrself is missing some reality.

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Matsui uncle, you are my hero. Thank God someone on this site knows economics and business.

politics is a dirty game
politics is a dirty game
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Re: young women yearn for 1950s role as stay-at-home mums

^ No..I have had this conversation so many times with my family...all are surgeons trianed in NYC hospitals living in cornell housing or NYU housing on $40K a year..spending 7 years doing residency, fellowships.. living on $40K a year because of subsidized lifestyles from their emplyers and family...which is good. I would bet money, Saiman's getting help from the parents..money..to sit at home. In fact I would guarantee it...no one can live on the upper east side of manhattan on $40k if you are single...let alone if are married with a child and expecting another.

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:) See Saiman. That's why I advised you not to discuss your personal life on here too much.

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PCG, I am not casting aspersions..I am just saying that the holier than thou mantra of some people is just too fkin too much sometime. Reality is ugly...like Saudis. :(

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women should stay home and care for their men...its just that simple..thats what they were made for..

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^^ very good and when man is outside the house busting his ass working which man should wife take care of
a: Milkman
b: postman
c: boyfriend

~.*.*.*Mehndi wale Haath Geo UK*.*.*.~