I live in Canada and I have a friend at uni whose khala’s family just immigrated to Canada like 2 yrs ago. My friend’s family has been here for good 15 years and he is engaged to his gf of 3 years who he started seeing when he was 20. The problem is, his khala, who only immigrated 2 yrs ago has a son who is 14 and is in grade 9 has a girl friend (sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?). Anyways, he is only 14 and he takes the money that his parents give him for lunch n stuff n buys that 13 yr old gf of his cheap gifts. He also gave her a PROMISE ring (im being SERIOUS), which my friend thinks that he stole from his mom. That kid’s little sister who is only 11 is already getting influenced by her 14 yr old brother. She refers to her bro’s gf as “bhabi” and that 14 yr girl who is dating my frd’s cousin tells this 11 yr old girl all her “boyfriend” problems. Whats really strange is that the 19 yr old sister of that the 14 yr old girl who is dating my frd’z cousin knows everything abt her little sister dating and stuff and she’s ok with it! I mean if my lil sister did that I would beat her (well, not BEAT her but at least tell her to stop). But yea, I dont get wat kind of a sister she is…
Anyways, to make the LONG story a lil short, My friend is really worried about this kid and also about that kid’s little sister. He wants to bring this under’s his khala’s n her husband’s attention but he feels that him speaking to them will only embarrass them. I mean listening to something like this abt ur child from ur nephew can be quiet embarrassing. He tried speaking to his cousin but his cousin was extremely rude to him n told him to mind his own business and that really hurt my friend and made him angry. I mean my friend is 10 yrs older than this kid and this kid had the nerve to speak to him like that. My friend really does not know what to do to get this boy to stop and make him realize that wat he’s doing is wrong on so many levels. He doesnt know how to explain to him that u CANNOT marry ur gf at the age of 14… I mean I knew my fiance for 5 yrs before engagement and we were NOT 14, we were 18!
Anyways, any suggestions u guys can give me for my friend? What should he do? He really feels that his khala n her husband can handle this boy and he has not told his own parents abt this. He does not want to embarrass his khala in ANY way. He wants it to stay between his khala’s family ONLY. So yea, any suggestions guys?
if he doesn't have the kind of relationship with his khala's family where he can bring it up openly, then there's a good chance they wouldn't want him involved anyway. it sounds like he can't not do this without embarassing them, so either he brings it up and risks a family issue, or he needs to get past it.
as for 14 year olds and their promise rings? i really wouldn't worry that much about it- i'm sure its symbolic of their feelings for each other right now, but it'll blow over soon enough- teen romances are pretty fickle. if the ring is stolen though, then that's another matter and yes, then your friend has to intervene and bring it to his khala/khaloo's attention but only if he's 100% certain. it sounds like if you wrongly accused their son, it would be your friend who ends up in hot water and not the 14 year old.
I don't know if my comments will be appreciated ...
but if these two kids are dating already and their parents are unaware of what their kids are up to, then they are already too far gone. Meaning, they are already lying to their folks about what they are doing, who they are hanging out with, etc. There is a very good chance that if the cousin brings it to the attention of the parents, they simply may not believe him or dismiss him as a troublemaker.
I do think dating at this age is a big deal, especially if it is being done behind their parents backs, but that's just me.
This may also cause a family feud. Depending on what their relations are like.
I second Mehnaz....
Although your friend is not sure if he stole the ring from his mother or not, but if a kid has gone to this extreme then it needs some intervention...
I am not sure what can be the best way to tackle the situation in a way that is is most effective and least offensive to the parents..I hope someone can come up with good advice...
also, no offense, you say your friend dated his g/f for 3 years before becoming engaged to her, and if its acceptable in your friend's family to date, then is anyone really surprised that the 14 year old is taking that example to heart? you can't really tell a kid dating is wrong and he should stop when in fact older people within his family are doing it too.
I agree with u SGC, but the thing is... this boy is ONLY 14. My friend understands that he dated his fiance too. He will never have a problem with this kid dating this girl but he's JUST 14 YRS OLD!! my friend's younger brother has a gf and he is 19. If this kid was older, then my friend wouldnt have a problem.. On top of it, My friend is sure that ring is stolen. How on earth did he get a gold ring? He doesnt even have a part time job or anything. This boy has videos n pics up on his facebook "proposing" to his gf.. :S.
On top of it, his parents just came to Canada. They are still not fully settled. My frd feels sorry for them cuz his khalo works night shifts and his khala cant even work cuz of her health and their son is using their money to buy gifts for this girl behind their back. My frd wouldnt have a problem if he had a part time job and was using his own money. Its pretty sad to see that kids these days fall in to these kinda things. I think the best option is that he should just speak to his khala (as he is pretty close to her) and try to resolve this issue with her without getting his khalo involved.
As long as the ring is not stolen which is a completely different issue. Tell your cousin to chill. Its a teenage fling that'll burn in flames & end soon. Yeah if the kid is getting physically involved I would worry then as well. Again if he already has a 19 year old sister who is fine then no one else should worry.
Kid probably goes to high school. Sees everyone having girl friends/boyfriends. We can't expect kids these days to have crushes the way we used to have back in the days.
And you can easily find a gold ring for any where around 25 bucks & I am talking about real gold here.
^ Yes, he is physically involved.. in the sense of kissing n stuff offcourse. There r pics of them on his facebook kissing :S. And if he is doing that at 14 then god knows what will happen when he's older.... the 19 yr old sister is not HIS sister its the sister of the girl who is dating him and I cannot believe she is ok with her lil 14 yr old sister going out with a guy, kissing him n stuff... I would have a SERIOUS talk with my sister!
14 is nothing, I have a niece who is such a trouble maker and she goes around changing boy friends every 2 3 months and yes I have seen her facebook pictures as well. Can't help much, teens these days.
yup, you can get gold rings at walmart for pretty cheap, actually. and your friend doesn't know if the 14 year old has some other way of making money either- its an assumption.
as a teenager, the last thing you want is someone older than you telling you what to do.why doesn't your friend try to speak to the 14 yr old as a friend instead of a patronizing older adult? he might be surprised at how different his cousin's response is.
I told my frd to read ur replies he said they helped a lot! thx ladies! :).
he has decided that he will get his younger brother to speak to his cousin as his younger bro is closer to him. If that doesnt work then he will just let it go. U guys r right, its a phase and he will get over it, but still i donnu wat i would do if I found out my 14 yr child was dating... :S
i feel nothing would really stop this kid from doing wat he already is doing. newly migrated parents might not know how to handle it in this country. anyways kids with lack of proper parental guidance do these things in all countries n it can start as soon as they hit puberty....ahhh..
I live in Canada and I have a friend at uni whose khala's family just immigrated to Canada like 2 yrs ago. My friend's family has been here for good 15 years and he is engaged to his gf of 3 years who he started seeing when he was 20. The problem is, his khala, who only immigrated 2 yrs ago has a son who is 14 and is in grade 9 has a girl friend (sounds pathetic, doesn't it?). Anyways, he is only 14 and he takes the money that his parents give him for lunch n stuff n buys that 13 yr old gf of his cheap gifts. He also gave her a PROMISE ring (im being SERIOUS), which my friend thinks that he stole from his mom. That kid's little sister who is only 11 is already getting influenced by her 14 yr old brother. She refers to her bro's gf as "bhabi" and that 14 yr girl who is dating my frd's cousin tells this 11 yr old girl all her "boyfriend" problems. Whats really strange is that the 19 yr old sister of that the 14 yr old girl who is dating my frd'z cousin knows everything abt her little sister dating and stuff and she's ok with it! I mean if my lil sister did that I would beat her (well, not BEAT her but at least tell her to stop). But yea, I dont get wat kind of a sister she is....
Anyways, to make the LONG story a lil short, My friend is really worried about this kid and also about that kid's little sister. He wants to bring this under's his khala's n her husband's attention but he feels that him speaking to them will only embarrass them. I mean listening to something like this abt ur child from ur nephew can be quiet embarrassing. He tried speaking to his cousin but his cousin was extremely rude to him n told him to mind his own business and that really hurt my friend and made him angry. I mean my friend is 10 yrs older than this kid and this kid had the nerve to speak to him like that. My friend really does not know what to do to get this boy to stop and make him realize that wat he's doing is wrong on so many levels. He doesnt know how to explain to him that u CANNOT marry ur gf at the age of 14... I mean I knew my fiance for 5 yrs before engagement and we were NOT 14, we were 18!
Anyways, any suggestions u guys can give me for my friend? What should he do? He really feels that his khala n her husband can handle this boy and he has not told his own parents abt this. He does not want to embarrass his khala in ANY way. He wants it to stay between his khala's family ONLY. So yea, any suggestions guys?
I got a little dizzy by my friend of friend and all that but what I understand is that your friend should get a hint from this and not interfere in this matter any further. BTW for some people 18 years is still too immature to get into any sort of relationships and stuff but everyone's have their own limits of whats appropriate or not. So my advise would be that he and you both should stay out of it.
I would say Bollywood is to blame.
There are muslim girls as young as 14 getting pregnant in the uk. Noone has respect anymore and they just use the police social services for protection.
We need to educate our kid's better so they don't do this.
I don't know if my comments will be appreciated ...
but if these two kids are dating already and their parents are unaware of what their kids are up to, then they are already too far gone. Meaning, they are already lying to their folks about what they are doing, who they are hanging out with, etc. There is a very good chance that if the cousin brings it to the attention of the parents, they simply may not believe him or dismiss him as a troublemaker.
I do think dating at this age is a big deal, especially if it is being done behind their parents backs, but that's just me.
This may also cause a family feud. Depending on what their relations are like.
I would say Bollywood is to blame.
There are muslim girls as young as 14 getting pregnant in the uk. Noone has respect anymore and they just use the police social services for protection.
We need to educate our kid's better so they don't do this.
Mrsshy looks like we will agree to disagree on 50% the above statement-only because I'm looking at this from the point of view of seeing families with derailed, unhinged kids in them in the UK.
My personal opinion is its easy to blame something that is outside the home. The first place a child learns is at home, amongst their loved ones. They then learn from their environment and once they start developing their own personality friends start to influence them. Bollywood is entertainment and should be used for entertainment purposes-if a parent is willing to let their say for example 8 year old watch a bollywood film then the influence is only there because parents have allowed it. Parents need to take a stronger stance with children. My mum didn't allow me to have a tv in my bedroom until I was 16. My mum met all my friends-even when I was at uni. When I visited friends mum knew exactly where I was. I didn't play around, I enjoyed life within reason (e.g. no dating etc). My mum took responsiblity and didn't allow me to watch bollywood films until i was old enough to understand films are entertainment only. I wasn't allowed to wear make-up until i was 18!
Sorry for the babble, but in my humble opinion parental responsibilty is a large part of it. Some parents need a wake-up call and need to get their brains into gear and think about what is best for their children.
Some of our extended family allow their Muslim children to drink, club and even date and their justification is 'oh all kids in the UK do it' when clearly that is the silliest statement known to mankind!
Children should be taught right from wrong, why being a good Muslim is not only useful now but for the eternal home. Passing the buck is not a way of upbringing, it's a way of covering up a weak upbringing.
Mrsshy looks like we will agree to disagree on 50% the above statement-only because I'm looking at this from the point of view of seeing families with derailed, unhinged kids in them in the UK.
My personal opinion is its easy to blame something that is outside the home. The first place a child learns is at home, amongst their loved ones. They then learn from their environment and once they start developing their own personality friends start to influence them. Bollywood is entertainment and should be used for entertainment purposes-if a parent is willing to let their say for example 8 year old watch a bollywood film then the influence is only there because parents have allowed it. Parents need to take a stronger stance with children. My mum didn't allow me to have a tv in my bedroom until I was 16. My mum met all my friends-even when I was at uni. When I visited friends mum knew exactly where I was. I didn't play around, I enjoyed life within reason (e.g. no dating etc). My mum took responsiblity and didn't allow me to watch bollywood films until i was old enough to understand films are entertainment only. I wasn't allowed to wear make-up until i was 18!
Sorry for the babble, but in my humble opinion parental responsibilty is a large part of it. Some parents need a wake-up call and need to get their brains into gear and think about what is best for their children.
Some of our extended family allow their Muslim children to drink, club and even date and their justification is 'oh all kids in the UK do it' when clearly that is the silliest statement known to mankind!
Children should be taught right from wrong, why being a good Muslim is not only useful now but for the eternal home. Passing the buck is not a way of upbringing, it's a way of covering up a weak upbringing.
Just my 2 pence worth.
media for sure is to blame. they don't even leave kid's cartoons. my daughter was in pre-school last yr just 4 yrs old n small kids used to talk abt girl friends n boy friends. she naturally gets well with boys n its mostly one friend at a time. she would come home saying everyone at school says that boy is ur boyfriend. how can u control this? small kids saying boys n girls can kiss on lips, my mom has a baby in her tummy n i'm taking abt 4 yrs old. how can u always control everything?
i have been really strict in which movies my kids will watch n which they won't but when they go to a relatives/ friend's house they'll watch things not allowed at home. its everywhere in society now like a virus.
we should just pray to Allah to keep our kids away from Satan. wat i'm seeing is no matter how good ur home environment is some kids r always more influenced by peers n evil n they get the virus no matter how careful u r.