Re: Young Girls With Babies
In response to PCG's post each to their own really.
Personally, I think being able to converse about other matters other than beating a dhol at a mehndi is always a plus point whether you're in a social circle or with your husband, family etc
It doesn't affect me in any way, therefore it doesn't bother me. I know some guys who have young wives with kids but I don't know of any who has any interest in beating a dhol at a mehndi.
Have you asked them about their dhol-beating activities?
Have you asked them about their dhol-beating activities?
No but I don't see their dhol beating activities or lack thereof to be much of a factor to really change my thoughts in such a situation.
Not everyone has interest in public affairs and politics. Some girls just want to get married, have kids and gets settled in their life and there is nothing wrong about it if mental level has reached.
So depending on
If the girl is pretty, I'll think aaah .. missed her by a year
If kid is cute, awwww what a cude kid
:D
My begum holds bachelors degree in applied mathematics and she was 21 when she became my zoja-mohterma (she finished the degree after getting married). She has 0 interest in Politics, she gives a damn to sports (unless I am watching cricket or basket ball...she chips in with a cup of coffee). She worked for some period when she felt like it, she volunteered but now her 100% focus is on raising the kids. She is planning to go back to work once our little one is at least 7/8 years old.......
oh and yeah, she beats the dhool VERY WELL :)
When you go to a dawat, and you see the 19 year old girl with a baby in her arms (she is married), having done zero education after high school, not really caring about politics, or public affairs, or having any interest other than beating a dhol at a mehndi...
What do you think?
I agree with that. If the kid is cute, I would be thinking something along the lines of 
what a cute kid.
^ PCG, however, would be looking at how the kid is dressed.
Re: Young Girls With Babies
PCG- How do you know that's the be all and end all of her life?
Also do you know her circumstances why she is married at that age?
Thirdly, who are we to judge?
P.s what about those bitter 30 somethings who look down on girls who got married at a young age and belittle them and their lives just to feel a tad bit better about themselves?
everyone has issues, goes through ups and downs in life..we will never know and we don't have the right to judge. No matter what my education level is, alhamdulillah even if I see a girl who is 16 with 5 kids I won't judge her situation and if I see a 45 year old not married that's nothing to do with me and I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE.
As I said we don't know about someones halaat, the best thing we can do is speak to people with an open mind and learn for ourselves to communicate with people from all kinds of levels and backgrounds be it ethnic origin, education level or social status. That's what's called being open minded, it's a pity you seem like an educated sort of girl brought up in the west yet you still posess the 'typical asian' trait of judging people without knowing them. Each to their own but pretty sad me thinks.
Re: Young Girls With Babies
I would not judge a girl whose married young and has kids (well not anymore), BUT a girl who starts having children in her teens, with different fathers, living off welfare...is far far far worse IMO.
PCG- How do you know that's the be all and end all of her life?
Also do you know her circumstances why she is married at that age?
Thirdly, who are we to judge?
P.s what about those bitter 30 somethings who look down on girls who got married at a young age and belittle them and their lives just to feel a tad bit better about themselves?
everyone has issues, goes through ups and downs in life..we will never know and we don't have the right to judge. No matter what my education level is, alhamdulillah even if I see a girl who is 16 with 5 kids I won't judge her situation and if I see a 45 year old not married that's nothing to do with me and I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE.
As I said we don't know about someones halaat, the best thing we can do is speak to people with an open mind and learn for ourselves to communicate with people from all kinds of levels and backgrounds be it ethnic origin, education level or social status. That's what's called being open minded, it's a pity you seem like an educated sort of girl brought up in the west yet you still posess the 'typical asian' trait of judging people without knowing them. Each to their own but pretty sad me thinks.
^ Totally agree! I don't agree with parents who get their daughter's married right after highschool and don't give them a chance to pursue higher education esp if the girl wants to. I also don't agree with people who pursue education and choose to get married when they are 30-something. I believe you can obtain a good education and get married at a decent age...my two cents.
Re: Young Girls With Babies
Quite a lot of the desi girls in the UK who have babies in their teens do live off welfare just like the white young mothers tho of course I guess at least they're married..
Don't have a problem with teenage mothers provided they can actually afford to look after their kids but it's not uncommon to see them churn out 3 or 4 by their early twenties even when they live in council houses. If someone wants to have kids at that age or wait till their 30s I don't think it's anyone else's business as long as they can afford to look after them and are able to care for them properly.
Re: Young Girls With Babies
too each his own
When you go to a dawat, and you see the 19 year old girl with a baby in her arms (she is married), having done zero education after high school, not really caring about politics, or public affairs, or having any interest other than beating a dhol at a mehndi...
What do you think?
if thats the way they want to live their life... all the power to them.
why do you think so much about other people?
its pretty obvious if you put all her recent rants together - no pakistani men where i live, pakistani girls like me are too educated to find matching men, hijabi woman got married and has gone for her honeymoon, 19 yr old had a baby..
wow, great one. i agree with you 100%.
let me tell you one think PCG, i am a 24 year old unmarried girl. and i see girls getting married around me who are younger than me. they are having babies and living a great life with their husbands not worrying about a thing. and here i am waiting to find a perfect guy, while worrying about affording a house, paying for my car, college classes etc. sometimes to get my frustration out i also feel like the easiest way is to make other feel low by saying "oh i am so much better than that 19 year old uneducated girl" or "i am so much better than that hijabi who waste money at a wedding" but trust me on one thing, be strong, the moment you get such a negative thought in your mind, tell you self that you are wrong, and you are being jealous, and think of something possible to say about that person who is making you jealous, if you can't think of anything just say MASHALLAH, and wish for them to live happily ever after. and trust me you will better much much much much better INSHALLAH.
wow, great one. i agree with you 100%.
let me tell you one think PCG, i am a 24 year old unmarried girl. and i see girls getting married around me who are younger than me. they are having babies and living a great life with their husbands not worrying about a thing. and here i am waiting to find a perfect guy, while worrying about affording a house, paying for my car, college classes etc. sometimes to get my frustration out i also feel like the easiest way is to make other feel low by saying "oh i am so much better than that 19 year old uneducated girl" or "i am so much better than that hijabi who waste money at a wedding" but trust me on one thing, be strong, the moment you get such a negative thought in your mind, tell you self that you are wrong, and you are being jealous, and think of something possible to say about that person who is making you jealous, if you can't think of anything just say MASHALLAH, and wish for them to live happily ever after. and trust me you will better much much much much better INSHALLAH.
Notice how I am not saying any of this is about me, yet I have ridiculous stalkers who try to tie every post of mine into some puzzle that eventually equates PCG = LOSER. I wonder, can we discuss those people, and psychoanalyze their loserness for coming onto these forums and getting preoccupied by their paranoid delusions about my life?
Thanks.
The reason why I ask, is because this is so common in our society, and I wonder whether its because we just don't bat eyelids at it. Clearly, that is the case.
Re: Young Girls With Babies
ok PCG I did not finish my story, let me continue where it was left off. My sister also said on up site those young girl get settle down with their hubbies so well that its just amazing.
Now get this my older brother got married at 19 had a kid at 20. Many times he and his kid got yelled at by my father for paying rough and for being not too careful We though it was cute.
My brother also once talk as his life was over after getting married at 19. I said you are done with life worries. Now all you got to do is concentrate on your career. Biggest things are done.
So I guess those young mom can still START doing their career 10 years after giving birth to their babies. they will be still young. I guess its all depends how you look at the things.
Notice how I am not saying any of this is about me, yet I have ridiculous stalkers who try to tie every post of mine into some puzzle that eventually equates PCG = LOSER. I wonder, can we discuss those people, and psychoanalyze their loserness for coming onto these forums and getting preoccupied by their paranoid delusions about my life?
Thanks.
The reason why I ask, is because this is so common in our society, and I wonder whether its because we just don't bat eyelids at it. Clearly, that is the case.
I don't think it's very common but it's not something very unusual here either. That is also mostly true with "imported" girls and not so much with ones who've grown up here. It seems the people who are "importing" girls don't really require much higher education from them since they are not expecting them to work. If that's what they're happy with, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Quite a lot of the desi girls in the UK who have babies in their teens do live off welfare just like the white young mothers tho of course I guess at least they're married..
Don't have a problem with teenage mothers provided they can actually afford to look after their kids but it's not uncommon to see them churn out 3 or 4 by their early twenties even when they live in council houses. If someone wants to have kids at that age or wait till their 30s I don't think it's anyone else's business as long as they can afford to look after them and are able to care for them properly.
Ditto! I agree with Deeba. It saddens me when young girls decide that it's easier to get married and have babies and live off income support than work a little harder, get a decent education then get married and have babies-that way you have the option of either working in a nice decent job which pays nicer than the supermarket or stay at home and look after their babies fulltime etc etc. These are my humble opinions, if a girl fancies taking her chances and thinking that nothing will ever change her world and she will never have to work thus does not need an education fair enough-although some would say that's a fairytale waiting to be broken (I'm not talking about a split in a relationship, I'm saying loss of job by partner etc etc).
Re: Young Girls With Babies
I'm wondering that by encouraging these trends, we allow for a whole generation of girls to cheat themselves of establishing some security for themselves before they marry and have kids?
I understand the whole to each his own, but then where does that philosophy go when you have a huge pool of girls who end up on your tax money, or end up being homeless, or end up being stuck in marriages they can't get out of because they are financially dependent on the husband?
Shouldn't we be encouraging ALL our girls to get some education, so if she needs to stand on her own, she can? So that she can learn some basic things from college, so she can function respectfully in society, even as a mother? So her kids can take her just as seriously as they take their more educated and more financially powerful father?
I'm wondering that by encouraging these trends, we allow for a whole generation of girls to cheat themselves of establishing some security for themselves before they marry and have kids?
I understand the whole to each his own, but then where does that philosophy go when you have a huge pool of girls who end up on your tax money, or end up being homeless, or end up being stuck in marriages they can't get out of because they are financially dependent on the husband?
Shouldn't we be encouraging ALL our girls to get some education, so if she needs to stand on her own, she can? So that she can learn some basic things from college, so she can function respectfully in society, even as a mother? So her kids can take her just as seriously as they take their more educated and more financially powerful father?
yes.
dude yeah pehli post me likh deeteen to panga na hota.
I think relation between ppl should be by choice not by majboori. Women should not have financial concerns walking out of a marriage.