You get married only once...

[Terrible_Guy]

and once. I don't believe in marrying again after divorce or death of spouse specially when you've been married for few years or have kids.

In case of a divorce I can't imagine some other man acting as a father of my kids and in case of death I think it's just unfair to marry again.

My husband promised me that he won't get married again in case of my death. how can I make sure that he remains single after my death?

You can't. But look at the bright side, when you're in your grave you couldn't care less about your old spouse's marital status.

[kaun]

Re: You get married only once…

kisi key chaley jaaney sey jab yeh zindagi nahi roknee chahiye, i would not pose such a restriction on my wife and would not accept from her either kiun key agar divorce huee we dont have any right over each other aur agar death hueee to we dont have control over that thus zindagi still goes on and so should you. :k:

[yourfriend]

hareem once u r gone, he will get married again ... y u wanna deprive him from the companionship? and dont worry kids .. they will be fine because their father is alive ... he will make sure stepmom is good to them...

[hareem01]

Hareem I think the reason that your husband doesnt get upset is that he sees a vibrant, healthy and active woman. One that surely will live to grow very old with him by your side. Its just so very unimaginable to him that those discussions, while he may take them seriously, he just truly cannot imagine ever having to face it.

When my dad was diagnosed with very advanced cancer, I STILL thought he could beat it. He was such an invincible man - a superhero - to me. A few years on, after his passing, I still find myself shocked at times that he is no longer with us.

Awwww mamaof3....very sorry to hear about your father. May his soul rest in peace.

ok a few more thoughts from my personal point of view...

If I should pass on, my husband would likely not be lonely because he has his 3 kids that he loves very much. He also loves me very much.

My husband and my boys will never find a replacement in their hearts for Mama, that I know for sure. Yet...to have a nice woman who will make them nice food, have family dinners, make sure that homework gets done and that laundry, food shopping and household things are done, that the boys get extra attention and hugs when they need them...so that my husband can keep working and earning like he does. Those things are important for me, I would want to be sure that they have these things.

I imagine life without a remarriage. And its a sad thing. Dad would surely take care of it all. BUT...it would be very sad for him, not having anyone to help him with the boys. Not having any adult to share his day and his dinner with. Sad for my boys not to have a woman's touch in their lives. When my boys are hurt, they want mama. If mama is not around ie., if something upsetting happens at school, then they go right to the nicest female available.

"Mama" is not replaceable. But another woman can give them some of the caring that they will need.

But what if that step-mother turns out to be very evil? This is what I'm afraid of.....step-parents being evil.

[twitter]

Re: You get married only once...

you can start by not sounding so insecure

[hareem01]

@FairyTale

acha acha bolo larkee and kher ki duaa maango. Dont assume such things, dont claim anything. I would claim alot… like I can never do this , i wont do that ever… and guess what, when it comes on you only then you realise how wrong your claims were. coz only then you actually face the REALITY. assumptions are just assumptions.

It’s true but I’m not really making any claims…I’m only planning to secure my children’s future.

@Decent_6Chora

Exhaust his options. Make him marry someone else in your life (right now) …after your death, she (2nd wife) will make sure he don’t get married again. Bright side is that you gotta chose his new wife. Also while you are alive, make his married life hell (which I am sure you are working on). He will do taubah and will not marry again anyway

PS: ON serious note, I dont agree with this. I’d like my wife to get marry again after my death. While I am dead I dont want (and expect) her to live like a living dead. Beside this its against nature and I’d say even Islam. If this was such a good thing, Islam would have asked for it (for not marrying again). This point of view has come from Hindu religion where they want he widow to live like a dead women/man

It’s against nature but it’s not a sin.

@dildirani

I would find it very difficult to marry again. In any circumstance. I don’t know. Having shared my life, myself and loved,cared for somebody and to move on and do that for someone else, makes me feel very uncomfortable.

@Gaia

Im gonna talk to him about this today as a serious conversation, because he always tells me he’s gonna have to find 3 other women to take all the pain away after my death

main usssko abi theek kerti ho

lolz

[hitchki]

Re: You get married only once...

From an objective point of view. I think the widowed spouse should remarry, with the blessing of the deceased. Why would you want someone you love to live on wallowing in your misery. Surely you want them to be happy?

So far as Kids are concerned. I think that step mothers have a very bad-rep, thanks to fairy tales. I would be more concerned about a Mother in Law looking after them. They are the real dragons, right :p

[hareem01]

You can't. But look at the bright side, when you're in your grave you couldn't care less about your old spouse's marital status.

Sure I can't.

[hareem01]

you can start by not sounding so insecure

Insecure about what?

[psyah]

Re: You get married only once...

Peace All

I want to clear a few things please ... Firstly, it is true I am not bothered about the talk of death. Or atleast I try not to be. When hareem01 talks about her own demise I have a dilemma do I say:

"Oh, no don't talk like that you can't die" and hence suffer not knowing what is on her mind? or do I say:

"Oh, well okay, etc" and hence suffer her accusations of me being "happy" of talking about her death?

I can't win! No, rather I do entertain her. I believe anyone can go to the next world at any time, it is the surest thing in life - death. So why shy away from it?

The next thing is that I really thought that having a wife will make me better as a Muslim, i.e. more obedient to Allah (SWT). Rather having a wife makes it very difficult. The test being for patience. Okay, there are some techniques nature has given us to release some built up energy ... but we won't go there as that would be side tracking.

The last point is that my wife trusts me to raise our kids like a mother and be a father at the same time. I would gather my wife would never set this requirement on me if I was in her eyes a bad parent. I'm not boasting here, but merely saying what my wife thinks. I ofcourse having many faults should view myself as barely capable.

I have always wanted to be able to increase my spiritual self and that is what I will absorb myself in should anything happen. InshaAllah that will remove the need for another wife. While my wife is alive I can keep her happy and tension free by making a simple promise that I shall not remarry ... But I place no such restrictions on her.

Up until Allah (SWT) gives me strength to do so I shall be true to my word.

[Niksik]

Re: You get married only once...

Hareem, you cannot predict what will happen in the future...my husband and I were talking about 2 of my friends who died within the last 2 years, one of cancer and another of a brain hemorrhage..both with young kids. The husband of the first got remarried within 6 months of her death and seems well settled with his new wife and his kids. The second hasn't remarried yet.

That led us to talking about ourselves that in the case of my death, would he remarry and while he claimed that he will not, I understand that he is a human being with needs so to ask him not to get married again would be asking him to supress his humanly needs of having a life partner. I know that no one will ever be able to replace me as the mother of his kids but I also know that he cannot be a father and mother...so having a step mom is a good alternative with the hope that she will not be cruel and unjust. I am sure my husband will have that much wisdom and judgement to pick a decent and sensible woman over an immature and selfish woman to be his wife. Again, all this is unpredictable...maybe he may never remarry and would be able to raise my girls allby himself.

I, however, am extremely sure that I will never remarry because I cannot imagine having a relationship with another man let alone having a father figure for my children.

[MixedBeauty]

and once. I don't believe in marrying again after divorce or death of spouse specially when you've been married for few years or have kids.

In case of a divorce I can't imagine some other man acting as a father of my kids and in case of death I think it's just unfair to marry again.

My husband promised me that he won't get married again in case of my death. how can I make sure that he remains single after my death?

erm why?? Why wud u want him to be a single father? Why cant he get with sum 1 else to help him out? If i was in that situation i wud want my husband to get married again, Lifes not fun being lonely.

[hareem01]

Re: You get married only once...

Okay here's the truth.

I don't want him to sleep with someone else.

[maroush]

Re: You get married only once...

In the event of my death, he may remarry. Why not? I don't want him to be alone.

[Milly]

Re: You get married only once...

Speaking from personal experience, I think any man remarrying should ensure his children are taken care of by other family members and if possible allow his wife to be dead for a good few years so that his children can grive properly, he should also never tell his children that his 'new wife' is better than their dead mother. Step mothers do not work when the father isn't working.

I have cousins who have a step father and he is wonderful, and it works.

[psyah]

Re: You get married only once...

I think it is because my wife knows that I am not alone even when I am alone. It is because she feels that happiness is in me without her that she feels it acceptable to require this from me.

Hareem01 has no sympathy for me, nor do ask it from her, nor do I need it from her, rather I am enraged with sympathy aimed my way. On the same token she is a very possessive person. She wants no other mother for her kids and likewise she wants no other woman for her man. It may be selfish but to me it is precious because I am wanted by her to that degree ... it makes feel as though it is a duty that I owe her to repay her selfish devotion to me.

[Milly]

Re: You get married only once...

Aw man! Go give her a hug dude and stop trying to make us cry!

[NJMasti]

Re: You get married only once…

aww Hareem what’s wrong with you?

Why so much jealousy - that too after death?

Let your man live girl!

The thing is - not everyone in life can handle death so effortlessly. For some guys, even if the wife INSISTS to get married after her death - would not do it… depending on his realtionship with her… while she was alive!

Make an effort to LIVE. Don’t die when you are not dead yet.

Let the poor hubby live too.

---

In my case, here’s what I think my hubby might say…

Me: Ummm so hubby ji - will you re-marry after my death?

Hubby: yes ! yes dear! I am already looking for replacement for your absence… :halo:

I am okay with that. Here’s how I feel… If I had managed to keep an immpression - a lasting immpression on hubby, then he would not be able to think about anyone else other than me. If I failed to make that impression, and if I was a nagging wife, then he would definately be happy to experiemnt a better life without me.

So choose HIS life after YOUR death! Make that long lasting impression that he never can keep you from his thoughts~

[Niksik]

@hareem01

Okay here’s the truth.

I don’t want him to sleep with someone else.

How honest. All of us feel that way. And hope that our husbands never are in the situation where another woman will replace us even emotionally let alone physically. But like I said, after we are gone, they too deserve to live and guess what we wouldn’t feel the pain as we’ll be too busy being dead

@psyah

I think it is because my wife knows that I am not alone even when I am alone. It is because she feels that happiness is in me without her that she feels it acceptable to require this from me.

Hareem01 has no sympathy for me, nor do ask it from her, nor do I need it from her, rather I am enraged with sympathy aimed my way. On the same token she is a very possessive person. She wants no other mother for her kids and likewise she wants no other woman for her man. It may be selfish but to me it is precious because I am wanted by her to that degree … it makes feel as though it is a duty that I owe her to repay her selfish devotion to me.

Hareem, you got your answer. Now you have written assurance…so in case he does remarry and logs on GS after you are gone (God forbid), all of us will bear witness and make sure we ban him

[diwana]

Re: You get married only once...

I think there should not be any condition on the life partner. Step parent can be good. The spouse just have to make sure he/she re-marries the right one.....OR in some cases, the better one..J/K

There is jealousy, selfishness and there is a feeling that I am the better parent and no one else can be. There is a thought that 'my' belongings will be used by someone else!

If one loves his/her spouse then there should not be a need for condition. But like Psyah said this is a positive trait as well, the person may like the idea of jealousy and being wanted.

Read this old joke!
**
Would You Remarry? **

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks a bold question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."