Re: You get married only once...
icicle
I think you're not a mother and neither are you CM.
And princessjojo
Why would be a person lonely with three kids running around him?
Re: You get married only once...
Exactly why I am making the logical decision. A widow with kids needs support. It is an Islamic duty to marry a widow is it not?
Re: You get married only once...
^Yes our Prophet married 8 widows!
Exactly why I am making the logical decision. A widow with kids needs support. It is an Islamic duty to marry a widow is it not?
Sure....may be a poor widow or a woman who doesn't have a guardian. Besides, you don't have to marry someone in order to support him/her.
So you're okay to have a step mom for your kids?
Re: You get married only once...
I don't think people who don't have a family of their own can truly understand where I'm coming from.
Re: You get married only once...
A relative of mine died of cancer last year she was young in her late 20's and had 3 children all still very young. b4 she died she chose a wife for her husband he got married to her 6 months after she died and mA she takes such good care of the children. I guess it might sound strange to others but its very true....I dont knw how the husband feels about it all, but I knw she loves those children to bits
Re: You get married only once...
Actually no. If I recall the Prophets (SAW) first wife was rather wealthy. So wealth has nothing to do with it.
We can understand where you are coming from. It just doesn't mean we agree with you.
My husband promised me that he won't get married again in case of my death. how can I make sure that he remains single after my death?
Hahaha! A promise in a social / domestic situation isnt legallly binding.
I'm afraid once you are gone...you have no say! I'd tell my wife where to shove it if she tried anything like that with me!
A relative of mine died of cancer last year she was young in her late 20's and had 3 children all still very young. b4 she died she chose a wife for her husband he got married to her 6 months after she died and mA she takes such good care of the children. I guess it might sound strange to others but its very true....I dont knw how the husband feels about it all, but I knw she loves those children to bits
Interesting.
Actually no. If I recall the Prophets (SAW) first wife was rather wealthy. So wealth has nothing to do with it.
We can understand where you are coming from. It just doesn't mean we agree with you.
I don't want you to agree with me but what I'm asking from my husband has valid basis and I hope people acknowledge that.
Hahaha! A promise in a social / domestic situation isnt legallly binding.
I'm afraid once you are gone...you have no say! I'd tell my wife where to shove it if she tried anything like that with me!
I'm quite sure he'll keep his promise, he's not like other men(well this is what I want to believe).
Re: You get married only once…
i cannot imagine a life without him. thats why when he goes first, ill jump in the fire with him.
wait…we dont do that right? 
(Allah maaf karay itni ulti seedhi baatein kar rahi hoon )
You know whenever I talk about my death in front of my hubby he doesn’t get upset, that really bothers me.
Re: You get married only once...
Hareem, I would think an adult companion would fulfill a person in a way that kids cannot. And no, I'm not just talking about the physical aspect of it.
By the same token, kids fulfill you in a different way than a spouse does. One can't replace the other, don't you think?
What about the time when the kids grow up (as early as late teens these days) and move on in their lives? What happens to the single parent? Loneliness..
Re: You get married only once...
Hareem...i understand where you are coming from, i also would never marry again and
can not bear the thought that my husband shall marry again after im gone....
and he says that he would never do that. I told him if you ever did get married again
i would become a ghost and haunt you for life!!!!
On a serious note though i would want my kids to be looked after and loved and really i dont think step mom's will love them as her own. i understand that not all are like that but dont want to risk my childrens safety and happiness.
Hareem, I would think an adult companion would fulfill a person in a way that kids cannot. And no, I'm not just talking about the physical aspect of it.
By the same token, kids fulfill you in a different way than a spouse does. One can't replace the other, don't you think?
What about the time when the kids grow up (as early as late teens these days) and move on in their lives? What happens to the single parent? Loneliness..
I understand but I believe our children should be our first priority. If I don't feel right for my kids to have a step-parent then I can live with lonliness and I expect from my husband to have the same mindset, of course I can't force him specially if I die.
My own father didn't get marry after my mom's death.....he lived alone for three years missing her everyday and I really respect my father for this.
Hareem...i understand where you are coming from, i also would never marry again and
can not bear the thought that my husband shall marry again after im gone....
and he says that he would never do that. I told him if you ever did get married again
i would become a ghost and haunt you for life!!!!
On a serious note though i would want my kids to be looked after and loved and really i dont think step mom's will love them as her own. i understand that not all are like that but dont want to risk my childrens safety and happiness.
Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one with this mindset and then we have Icono on men's side. :)
Re: You get married only once...
Hareem I think the reason that your husband doesnt get upset is that he sees a vibrant, healthy and active woman. One that surely will live to grow very old with him by your side. Its just so very unimaginable to him that those discussions, while he may take them seriously, he just truly cannot imagine ever having to face it.
When my dad was diagnosed with very advanced cancer, I STILL thought he could beat it. He was such an invincible man - a superhero - to me. A few years on, after his passing, I still find myself shocked at times that he is no longer with us.
Re: You get married only once...
ok a few more thoughts from my personal point of view...
If I should pass on, my husband would likely not be lonely because he has his 3 kids that he loves very much. He also loves me very much.
My husband and my boys will never find a replacement in their hearts for Mama, that I know for sure. Yet...to have a nice woman who will make them nice food, have family dinners, make sure that homework gets done and that laundry, food shopping and household things are done, that the boys get extra attention and hugs when they need them...so that my husband can keep working and earning like he does. Those things are important for me, I would want to be sure that they have these things.
I imagine life without a remarriage. And its a sad thing. Dad would surely take care of it all. BUT...it would be very sad for him, not having anyone to help him with the boys. Not having any adult to share his day and his dinner with. Sad for my boys not to have a woman's touch in their lives. When my boys are hurt, they want mama. If mama is not around ie., if something upsetting happens at school, then they go right to the nicest female available.
"Mama" is not replaceable. But another woman can give them some of the caring that they will need.
and once. I don't believe in marrying again after divorce or death of spouse specially when you've been married for few years or have kids.
In case of a divorce I can't imagine some other man acting as a father of my kids and in case of death I think it's just unfair to marry again.
My husband promised me that he won't get married again in case of my death. how can I make sure that he remains single after my death?
acha acha bolo larkee and kher ki duaa maango. Dont assume such things, dont claim anything. I would claim alot... like I can never do this , i wont do that ever... and guess what, when it comes on you only then you realise how wrong your claims were. coz only then you actually face the REALITY. assumptions are just assumptions.
and once. I don't believe in marrying again after divorce or death of spouse specially when you've been married for few years or have kids.
In case of a divorce I can't imagine some other man acting as a father of my kids and in case of death I think it's just unfair to marry again.
My husband promised me that he won't get married again in case of my death. how can I make sure that he remains single after my death?
Exhaust his options. Make him marry someone else in your life (right now) ....after your death, she (2nd wife) will make sure he don't get married again. Bright side is that you gotta chose his new wife. Also while you are alive, make his married life hell (which I am sure you are working on). He will do taubah and will not marry again anyway
PS: ON serious note, I dont agree with this. I'd like my wife to get marry again after my death. While I am dead I dont want (and expect) her to live like a living dead. Beside this its against nature and I'd say even Islam. If this was such a good thing, Islam would have asked for it (for not marrying again). This point of view has come from Hindu religion where they want he widow to live like a dead women/man
Re: You get married only once...
I would find it very difficult to marry again. In any circumstance. I don't know. Having shared my life, myself and loved,cared for somebody and to move on and do that for someone else, makes me feel very uncomfortable.
Re: You get married only once…
Im gonna talk to him about this today as a serious conversation, because he always tells me he’s gonna have to find 3 other women to take all the pain away after my death 
main usssko abi theek kerti ho