In the other thread on Roman’s boyfriend’s girlfriends, he brought up a very good point.
Point was that most desis, men and women, who have never been with other people don’t have anything to compare their spouses to and know how good or bad their spouse is.
It is universally given that most married desis think that they could have gotten a better spouse. Even if they don’t someone close to them will remind them how he could have married a more beautiful girl or how she could have gotten a doctor instead of fateechar computer engineer. Most desis complain how their spouse does not appreciate them. Most wives will taunt their husbands, koi aisee waisee mili hoti tujhe tou pata chal jaaata. They even have a song in Punjabi for that..ikk maineyoN tere naal kattian ve hor koi kattdi vi naaN…
Why it is so? why desis don’t appreciate what they got? because they have nothing to compare too. That is another reason why lot of “chaaloo” girls and guys change and settle down very well after marriage. Suppose you wer chaaloo before marriage…you probably met some great looking people who you really wanted to marry but they dumped you after a week like a hot potato. You probably also met some not so good looking or smart but really nice people otherwise. After a few such failures if you meet someone with average combination of good looks, education and good behaviour, someone who cares about you, you will really appreciate it.
I don;t know if I got my point accross but what I am saying is that desis who marry arranged before knowing anyone else have their expectations set too high..it is all fantasy for them and have no idea of reality. When reality hits them after marriage in the shape of a wife or husband they have not idea hod good or bad it is…but reality is never close to their fantasy so they don’t appreciate it..whle truth could be that they might be the luckies persons to have each other and should appreaciate it but they will never know it…well few smart ones will realize it after some time and appreciate but others will remind their spouses even on 30th anniversary how they almost got married to themsot beautiful women ever but phuphee ne zor paake tere naal shaadi karwa ditti meri.
I have no faith in the institution of marriage any more, but I have to disagree with one thing Chanji. Why do u assume only arranged marriages turn out bitter? There are plenty of love marriages that go sour, dime a dozen everyday. People know each other before marriage, sometimes even live with each other and know each other intimately, still their marriages fail. It's not uncommon.
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*Originally posted by ChannMahi: *
Suppose you wer chaaloo before marriage...you probably met some great looking people who you really wanted to marry but they dumped you after a week like a hot potato. You probably also met some not so good looking or smart but really nice people otherwise. After a few such failures if you meet someone with average combination of good looks, education and good behaviour, someone who cares about you, you will really appreciate it.
:)
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Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I think one should never fall in love, life is better that way.
My personal experience has been that the nicest women that I have met in my life were those who have had bad experiences in their lives. Who have had their hearts broken. Had gone through some relationships. Those women never played any games or tricks. They were just tired of chasing around or going through one relationship to another. They really value your good qualities and have patience with the bad ones, which might have not been the case if they didn't have a history.
Channji: I think the other side has a valid point as well. Why should one expect a couple who met only a week ago to live a long and fruitful life together. Forget about the sex part, personal hygiene, likes, dislikes, passions, hatred..they could be very different. I am a firm believer in test driving before you buy.
People always say that arranged marriages work, look at the divorce rates in the western world as compared to India or Pak, but what they don't say is the loads upon loads of unhappy people, in marriages that should not have taken place.
Scardy cats. And how are those inexperienced ones supposed to get any experience in that case? This is like interviewing for a job.. how much experience do you have.
I feel that knowing the person you will be spending the rest of your life with is very important. Pretty much what Chaltahai is saying.
Channji. The thing with people like you (YOU) is that you will make every woman want to have you. If you were a chick, I would have fallen for you. I hope you know what you got baby.
