There is something that is depressing me beyond I can express. It’s upsetting and worrying me so much that no matter how happy I am, it creeps up and makes me feel sad as hell. I have a younger brother (21 years old) who started dating this weird girl a few months ago. She used to date his friend before for about a year and a half and ‘supposedly’ he cheated on her so they broke up. I never really liked her from the beginning because she always clung to this guy as if she owned him. She was super possessive and mostly, noone really liked her so much. Moreover, she had even done ‘things’ with him.. maybe not slept together or so she claims but they did openly do alot of ‘other’ things. Anyway, so after they broke up last year, she was single for a few months. Then when my brother started dorming at school, they met through some friends and I often came across her texts on his phone where she said things like, “why are you ignoring me, are you scared something would happen” blah blah. Basically, she was trying hard to pursue a relationship with him but since my brother knew how my sister and I felt about her, he sort of discontinued whatever he had with her. A few months later, he confessed to me that they had gotten ‘back together’ and how they ‘loved’ each other (they were only dating for four months at this point so I didn’t buy the whole love bs). He really wanted me to approve of her and said that she has changed, doesn’t drink anymore, doesn’t go clubbing, etc etc.. I didn’t want to depress him so I said I will try and get to know her. However, whenever I tried, I just couldn’t click with her. She is a punjabi which is also a big problem, meaning my mom would never allow any of us to marry into punjabis (i am sorry if that offends any punjabis here, i love them but my mom wants us to get married within our ‘caste’) anyway, so not just that but I just don’t see her fitting into our family. We are modern yet fairly conservative and religious but the kind of things she does or has done (rooming with 2 guys, lying to her parents, wearing slutty clothes, doing stuff with guys, drinking, and what not) I just don’t see my mom ever approving of her. She may have given up drinking but she still goes clubbing, still does mostly all the other things. My brother is an AWESOME person and I am not saying that cuz hes related to me but hes the most genuine and down to earth guy and many of us feel like he deserves SO much better, he really does. My main concern is that she is influencing him in such a horrible way. She has gotten him to start partying with her, he doesn’t come home on the weekends anymore because she wants to spend time with him, I have seen her cling onto him all the time like she owns him and just this past weekend, I found out that for their ‘6th month’ anniversary, they stayed in a hotel together in Boston to ‘celebrate’. He’s wasting money on her like anything. The worst part is, most of his friends are the kinds who encourage these things so he has bad influence from all around.
I feel like I should sit with my mom and tell her all of this so she can put an end to it. I probably wouldn’t have such a big problem with him dating her if it was only limited to that. But it concerns and worries me so much that they have gone to such lengths now which he isn’t suppose to. She has influenced him horribly and I hate to think of what’s more to come. I can’t bear to think what my parents will go through when they find out about what he’s doing. They have invested so much money in his education and being the only son, my parents have really huge expectations for him. She just doesn’t seem like the right girl for him and definitely not someone who can give my parents the respect they deserve because I have seen her insult her own parents countless times. I have tried talking to my brother but he feels like it’s not a big deal and it’s gotten to the point where I just want my mom to intervene. He is really scared of my mom and my mom can throw hell if she disapproves of something. This is something I wanted to do a long time ago but I couldn’t get myself to because I didn’t want to hurt him. Now I feel like things have just gotten way out of hand and before he does any stupider things, I should get my mom involved. What do you guys think I should do?
AJJ bhee maloum hona hai aur kal bhee,,tou ajj he kio na app mom ko bata dayte hain,,let her deal with your brother,,waqt guzar giya tou ,,afssos rahay ga,ALLAH in bachoun ko aur baroun ko bhee burayion say dour rakhay ameen..
i wud say go ahead and tell ur mum , these kind of girls make me so angry little desperate cows . tell ur mum it will only help ur brother he may not see sense now but he will surely appreciate it later in life.
Some of our friends who go to the same school just hate her so much. Even they cannot see it working and how a guy like my brother can be dating a girl like her. Some have even gone to the extent of saying, "girls who are out there like her have such bad reps that at some point they just need a nice guy to settle down with and that's exactly what's happening." This will sound mean but she is not even pretty AT ALL. She is huge and has manly features according to most people (something that I don't care about) and she tries sooo hard to look pretty. I guess her mom has been pressuring her for a while to get married and with the kind of rep she has since everyone knows what she does, she may have found my brother to be the solution.
i wud say go ahead and tell ur mum , these kind of girls make me so angry little desperate cows . tell ur mum it will only help ur brother he may not see sense now but he will surely appreciate it later in life.
I say tell your mum......this is openly as a muslim commiting a huge sin in life and dragging your brother in too. I'd go as far as saying it's your farz to step in here as you want to protect your brother.
So much hurt is caused in families due to situations such as this..........
Hope and pray everything works out for you...........and that your parents can resolve this
Thanks, I am just scared that my brother will start hating me.. or that my mom will force him to put an end to it and he may turn rebellious.. even though I don't think he would ever wanna hurt my mom like that but ugh, it's so frustrating. I hope this girl leaves him!!!!
I say tell your mum......this is openly as a muslim commiting a huge sin in life and dragging your brother in too. I'd go as far as saying it's your farz to step in here as you want to protect your brother.
So much hurt is caused in families due to situations such as this..........
Hope and pray everything works out for you...........and that your parents can resolve this
hmm..
is he older than you? i guess if i was in ur place..i wouldnt 'tell' on him..cuz tht might offend him..
if anything you should talk to him directly about the problem..hez 21..and not some teen ager who doesnt know what hes doing..
if he really is serious abt the girl..and not just playing around then maybe u shld ask him to talk to ur mom abt the girl himself..
then ask your brother to marry the girl. and tell the girl that you have to wear this, this. you are not allowed to work. you are not allow to go anywhere. i am sure even if she marries your brother, they wont gonna be together for very long.
end this tension man!
and you better show your brother the real picture of his future. if he really dont care about you and your parents then show him, tell him everything you scared off.
you may even tell your brother that, what if he gets a daughter. so is he gonna be confident to present this girl as his wife and her daughters mother. (these thing are no where acceptatble in any respectable families, even if they are white)
ps. not only these relationships may gonna affect his future (future family) but xoxo1 (i think u are gal) so it may also gonna affect your credibility in front of your in-laws, cuz of your brother.
we are urdu speaking middle class pakis. in our families, u wont find marriage to a punjabi or sindhi very likely or whatever the case maybe but thats just something my mom will never approve of. personally, my problem with her is way beyond and bigger than that and that is of her character. even if she was sindi or punjabi or watever, i would support my brother all the way if she was someone nice and could fit into our family.
We can appreciate your dilema..........inter racial marriage......hard to fathom.......poor Kids have a lot of strikes against them already!
**Can you tell us your Race and or Social Status?...........seems the young Lady may not fit too well into the Family structure! **
my br's answer to everything is, noone is perfect. i am telling you, he has certain friends influencing him, esp the ones who are close to that girl and thats why he is not able to see her true self.
and you better show your brother the real picture of his future. if he really dont care about you and your parents then show him, tell him everything you scared off.
you may even tell your brother that, what if he gets a daughter. so is he gonna be confident to present this girl as his wife and her daughters mother. (these thing are no where acceptatble in any respectable families, even if they are white)
ps. not only these relationships may gonna affect his future (future family) but xoxo1 (i think u are gal) so it may also gonna affect your credibility in front of your in-laws, cuz of your brother.
hes younger. i have told him to tell my mom but he is really scared of her.. he said he wont and he cant because he KNOWS my mom would make him end it within seconds. considering how much my mom is doing for his education and what not, she would never tolerate that hes going around doing all this when he should really be studying and focusing on a career. and then of course the punjabi thing comes in.
hmm..
is he older than you? i guess if i was in ur place..i wouldnt 'tell' on him..cuz tht might offend him..
if anything you should talk to him directly about the problem..hez 21..and not some teen ager who doesnt know what hes doing..
if he really is serious abt the girl..and not just playing around then maybe u shld ask him to talk to ur mom abt the girl himself..
my br's answer to everything is, noone is perfect. i am telling you, he has certain friends influencing him, esp the ones who are close to that girl and thats why he is not able to see her true self.
so is he willing to marry the girl?
if so, let him. atleast he wont gonna be having this gunnah.
p.s talk to your parents. i am sure no one can do anything. let the guy get in bond with that girl.
girl seems "lalchi" to me. and (talk to your brother's friend's parents) call them every day. bug them till the ****.
hes younger. i have told him to tell my mom but he is really scared of her.. he said he wont and he cant because he KNOWS my mom would make him end it within seconds. considering how much my mom is doing for his education and what not, she would never tolerate that hes going around doing all this when he should really be studying and focusing on a career. and then of course the punjabi thing comes in.
then ask him nicely if its okay with him if u tell her for him..that way..u can even inform your mom about it without 'telling' on your brother..
he has two more years of school.. my parents are never gonna allow him to marry until he's done. i think he's serious but for another 2 years, i hate to think what she will do to him.
"let the guy get in bond with that girl. and (talk to your brother's friend's parents) call them every day. bug them till the ****."
which friend's parents?
aaana, he has told me not to say a word to my mom. he's THAT scared. the only thing i can do is say she found out on her own and when she asked me, i didnt lie and told her the truth.
Tricky situation - i despise these type of girls! Its sick and so sad that their parents do not have any control over them!
Xoxo - as you said yourself that in your family, caste is a major thing. Tell your brother that this relationship will not be accepted @ all. Also, if he is a religious person and has got common sense - try to scare him and tell him how much of a sin it is in what he is doing. Tell him how insulting it will be if this relationship progressed into a marriage for his own kids and family and it will be frowned upon - Allah na Karay!
Its sad - i suggest you sit him down and have a talk with him 1-1. If he is caring towards you and the family, he should listen! Just stay calm and put you rpoint across. IF he still doesnt listen and ignores you, tell your mum!
I think he is just going through the phase in college where kids just want to have some fun. Since his mom wouldn't allow him to marry until he graduates, I doubt the girl would stick around with him for that long. If she does, then that's true love. I wouldn't worry about it or tell your mom because it won't stop him from doing things behind your back.
It just saddens me whenever I find out or see him doing these things. This is not how our parents have brought us up to be. It has depressed me so much that she's influencing him in such a horrible way and even if they do get married, what kind of a person would he become by then? I hate to think what my parents will go through if they find out about this.
hey i had the same problem as him but in the end it was my freinds who pulled me out of the situation meaning they where always on my case telling me that to leave it and not to push yourself around her all the time and waisting your money....but end of the day it was society that helped me out but i think personaly if his mates are not helping out then u will have to take the responsibility of talking to him and convincing him to give her up ....but remember he loves her very much and him giving her up is not going to happen there and then but it will take time.....myself i tried my best to marry my girl freind but like your family my parents disagreed bacause of the caste thing she is from Rajpuut and myself im Syed so i couldnt do anything..........but if you really believe its the best for him not to be with her then u will have to take the role of being more than a sister to him and talk to him....
all the best and good luck may Allah be with you at this difficult time.....ameen
