Would you trust a man… who has been divorced for emotionally abusing his wife but swears he’s “a changed man”. After the divorce he’s had a series of physical relationships bearing no emotional attachment what so ever. His wife passed away last year.
I met him a few months ago. We became good friends. Then he told me about his past. It doesn’t change what I feel for him, but it makes me want to step back and re-evaluate everything. I do believe that people can change but old habits die hard.
The divorce, the abusive nature, the one night stands it imcorproates everything about a man that I hate… that I despise.. but yet I don’t judge him, maybe if i were in his place I would have done the same… maybe not.
A person’s past does in some way define their present self, but no matter how bad, it does not take away the support, love and friendship I have recieved from him. BUT…I always had a problem trusting people…and now…more so.
I keep thinking what if he’s “playing”.. even if it is emotionally… I don’t want to get hurt. But if hes told me teh truth it’s coz he wants to be honest with me, or is it a way of gettin my sympathy?
All my friends have known me to be a sort of “redemptionist” I some how always come across people in trouble or in a state of emotional instability and I befriend them. Maybe he’s kinda in tune with that and is making his life seem like a “poblem”, so that I “help”…so he has a hold on me emotionally.
a man shouldnt be trusted, divorced n abusive or not :p joking! errrmmm it depends but from it looks like i dont think u will ever be able to trust him completely czu of his pasts, its just the way we are.. but for now, I think you should definately give it time..u obviously dont trust him completely, dotn pretend like u do..just wait n see how things go
If he beat up his first wife, he will definitely beat his second wife. So, if you are OK with an odd slap and kick in the ribs every now and then, then sure carry ON.
That's how I look at it. But I don't know the complete situation so can't give you any meaningful advice.
Okie I'll divulge a lil more... he didn't beat up his first wife... it was more emotional abuse, restricion of freedom.. and at that time when he took excessive amounts of prescription drugs.
Fg so you're saying a man never learns from his mistakes?
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
If he beat up his first wife, he will definitely beat his second wife. So, if you are OK with an odd slap and kick in the ribs every now and then, then sure carry ON.
LK, two things. First, having physical relationships without any emotional attachment is not a bad thing. It may be bad in your eyes for yourself but that's you, not him. It does not come under the same category of badness as "abusing/beating wife" so take it as such. Even if it is a bad thing in your eyes, this still does not go towards his being a "bad" person. Only abusive behaviour does.
Secondly, he told you about his past himself. Not many people are like that. This still doesn't mean that he's a changed person or not. It simply means that he's honest and is not trying to hide anything. However, you'd need to make sure that he's not telling you the "half truth". People can tell you half truth and get away with full fledge lie. Honesty also itself is not a virtue unless it's motivated by similiar intentions.
Thirdly, no one really can give you an answer on what to do as no one has really met him. There are only guesses here one way or the other. Don't base your perception on others' guesses. HaaN, just blurting it out for the sake of it is ok.
Right, and that means you can generalise these two life examples onto every guy on the planet. Bahut khub :k:
I’ve got examples in my own family where men have changed, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna go around stating that all men are able to break free of the cycle, cuz that would mean I was generalising, and we all know how wrong generalisations can be
Arghhh I replied, and it got deleted.Sorry about that LK, well anyway personally I think that people can change...put their past behind them...but then changing ones personality takes a very long time...and its very hard.
You've told me that he abused his first wife, then he had numerous physical relationships...and he didnt seem to really care about any of them..how can you be sure he cares about you.It's true that a lot of guys will play you on emotions... LK that can be dangerous.
I know you're a sweetheart, but I would advise you to be very careful around this guy.I would not trust somebody like that, abusive nature in a guy doesnt go away at the snap of a finger.It also depends a lot on how long you've known him...and if you know any of his family mebers/friends.But I dont think I would trust somebody like that.Sorry.
Haan Roman just discussing it out so as to get my thouhgt processes sorted out.
about the physical relationships..I don't really have anything against that... but I do feel it's wrong to "trick" someone to thinking that you "like" them in order to get physical with them and he confessed to doing that on a number of times.
And about him tellin gme the half truth... yes thats' what I'm worried about...wondering how much more of him is there to discover...how much has he NOT told me, and if he has told me everything them WHY?
His intentions are confusing me too..and I'm at a point in my life where "companionship" and finding a partner has become somewhat important. I don;t want to make many mistakes...but these days my mind seems to be on a holiday.
I alwasy tell myself never to judge anyone... no matter what... I dont look at him and think "he's a bad guy" I just wonder if I can trust him.
MQ I know where you're comin from... but I do like to think that people change... half teh people I am friends with are not people I'd introduce to my mother.
Maddy... yeh that's teh general observation I guess that's why I'm a bit scared.
FG.. I know your words hold a world of truth and I appreciate them.
Well MQ ever since th divorce he's sort of isolated himself from everyone and moved out here to Dubai. And most of thefamliy blame him for his wife's death (major heart- attack).
His colleagues speak god about him but heck all of us are really good at being gracious to outsiders and creeps to our loved ones.
I m sorry I have to agree with fungus (hey man sup) and some other dudes
Men just never change ( some exceptions here and there), unless something shocking/traumatic happens, then there s a slight chance things /he will change
But u should give it a go LK, u never know what life has in store for u. Just dont do anything without thinking first :k:
LK, people change and all that blah is fine, but studies and statistics show, people who abuse their partners( any kind of abuse) continue with that pattern of behaviour no matter what. They might feel guilty and apologise, even swear they won;t repeat it again, but they always do.
I say run while you can, abuse in the past relationships is a red flag.
Lk, marrying a divorcee if fine as I wouldn't mind marrying one but eik aurat par haath uthana kahan ki mardange hai. He is a blotch on his own kind. Though people change over time but the responses from male guppies here seem to reject that notion. We women are always so forgiving, tsk.
p.s:Waqas 72, Fayz, Funguy and Roman are upholders of women rights. So their views should be valued :--D
LK, since you haven’t told us about the positive side of the guy let me ask u a few questions…What makes this guy so special to you? At what level do you click with him..romance, intellect or do u have a depression/sympathy relationship?
The guy claims he has changed…do you see the change? He has been lying to girls to fulfill his physical desires…are you sure he is not lying to you?
some exceptions here and there), unless something shocking/traumatic happens, then there s a slight chance things /he will change