I was watching the movie Unfaithful (starring Richard Gere, Diane Lane and some gorgeous French actor) and I found myself asking the following questions:
If I knew that my friend’s significant other was having an affair, would I tell my friend or just stay out of it? I know that I would probably want to know if I were in the friend’s situation … but how many people actually would go through with it and tell? Would people find it easier to just say, “it ain’t my business”? If people consider all of the consequences that can result after the truth is revealed, would you still tell?
What if there was no proof other than your eye witness account? Would you still tell and risk being called a liar since there is no evidence?
What if it was the boss’s significant other and although the two of you get along, you can’t quite say that you are friends? (this was one of the situations in the movie)
Then again, what if you are friends with both the husband and wife … the one having the affair knows you know, and asks you to keep quiet … where would your loyalties lie?
What do people do in these types of situations?
The movie was very interesting … questions peoples ethics, morality, loyalty and judgment. Every action has a consequence including having the truth revealed … but sometimes it’s a necessity …
depends on who and how friendly you are with the people. With a boss probably not. With a friend sure. With both as friends, I would have a hard time but then a secret is something that you dont tell people and the fact that I know means its no longer a secret. But that would be a tough one I agree.
hmmm depends on the relationship u have with the person... if its ur close close close friend and their partner is having the affair.. i would try to hint it without being too harsh... if the partner having the affair is ur close friend.. then id give them a bit of a talking... or try to understand whats making he/she do something as crazy as that..
if stuck in the middle of both friends.. then hmmmmm talk to both of them..
I would weigh my friendship with the people involved. If they really are my friends and I care for their well being, I would go ahead and tell regardless of the consequences. My telling would be to answer myself. Because I don't think I would be able to keep a straight face if I would hide things I know he/she should know.
I also watched the movie when it came in theatres. Richard Gere's role was disappointing. Diane Lane was gorgeous. And that French dude was too Frenchy. But I can understand if a girl finds him hot.
What did you make of the ending?. Was it all just her imagination or did she really took up on his offer to come to his apartment?.
I think at the end, she was imagining what she should have done. If I remember correctly, a taxi was available but she chose to go into his apartment instead.
I've actually been in this situation. One of my friends moving in on another's gf. I kept quiet for a few months but in the end I got sick of this guy keep on eulogising this girl when I knew that she was seeing someone else at the same time so I ended up telling him coz I didn't like seeing him make a fool of himself.
Generally though I don't like interfering in what people do in their personal lives. Anyway I thought Gere was pretty good in that movie.
A friend of mine is a sex maniac. Some people have raging hormones and you can’t really tell them to quit doing it. He has a steady girl friend and they have been together for almost four yrs now. Obviously he hides his sex life from her, however, sometimes I get the impression that the girl knows everything but is ok with him doing hanky-panky elsewhere. She is a pretty smart girl and I really doubt that she doesn’t know that our buddy is insincere … If I tell the girl and I find out that she already knows it then….I’m not sure whats gonna happen to their already fine shush-shush relationship…I’ll get a kick below the belt for sure..So far I have been out of it and I think I am gonna keep it that way
Well that is precisely the dilemma. Either she already knows and you mess up your friendship with the guy by telling her. Or, you tell her cause she doesn't know ... or you watch her being made a fool out of by the guy. Or, you just mind your own business.
A very thought-provovking film. I remember there was a thread on this movie when it first came out, and there were some pretty interesting views voiced there.
Mehnaz, the french actor is Olivier Martinez. Hollywood will be seeing a lot more of him in the near future. Coincidentally both his next movies feature him as a criminal on the run.
I think we are mixing two things. If its a gf/bf relationship, then I probably won’t even care. They can have as many affairs with other people as they want. After all their own relationship is just an affair as well. What do we care? If they are serious about their relationship they will solemnize it with an official wedding, like men and women have done since ages. With marriage, things are different.
Now, if a wife of a friend is engaged in extra-marital affair(s) and I know it, then its different. Firstly one has to be very sure of it, as we can’t go around maligning people on the basis of a hunch. Think of it this way. When your friend ultimately finds out himself (its a matter of ‘when’ not 'if) and they break up, and the friend knows that you knew all along and you never told him, then you won’t have a friendship with him for long anyway. A friend expects another friend to cover his back.
Anyway, my advice will be to come clean to your friend and ask him to investigate himself.
With bosses and other people whom I really don’t know much about, I wouldn’t bother, probably. Who knows, both of them may be swingers or what is commonly known as “open marriage”( )
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
I think we are mixing two things. If its a gf/bf relationship, then I probably won't even care. They can have as many affairs with other people as they want. After all their own relationship is just an affair as well. What do we care? If they are serious about their relationship they will solemnize it with an official wedding, like men and women have done since ages. With marriage, things are different.
A friend expects another friend to cover his back.
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Faisal, these are just some hypothetical questions I thought of while watching the movie Unfaithful. This is not something I can relate to in reality. :)
However, my question to you is, why wouldn't your statement of, "A friend expects another friend to cover his back" apply to gf/bf relationships? There are some people who really do value these kinds of relationships and do see them as a serious commitment ... like people who have been together for a few years for example. Who knows what reason they have for not getting married .... this applies to non-desis in particular.
Faisal, not all bf'gf relationships involve pre-marital sex. And as Mehnaz said, some are very committed. So why wouldn't you give them the same respect as given to a married couple?.
A newly-wed female friend of mine was fooling around with her ex-b/f and two other NEW guys while her hubby was in Pakistan but I didn't tell him about her stuff as I didn't know whether I should or shouldn't tell the hubby coz I think he might give her divorce after knowing about it....hmm, actually I haven't met him face-to-face yet(only chatted with him once online) and I wish I never have to meet him in real coz I don't wanna lie to him.....What can a person do in a situation like this? :(
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Faisal, these are just some hypothetical questions I thought of while watching the movie Unfaithful. This is not something I can relate to in reality. :)
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I know your post is hypothetical. That part of my response was more to BoSS's post, which seemingly is a real-life situation.
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
However, my question to you is, why wouldn't your statement of, "A friend expects another friend to cover his back" apply to gf/bf relationships? There are some people who really do value these kinds of relationships and do see them as a serious commitment ... like people who have been together for a few years for example. Who knows what reason they have for not getting married .... this applies to non-desis in particular.
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Whatever their reasons for not getting married may be, if they are not married, they are not married. Period. In my mind, that is a critical threshold of your commitment to the other person. If someone doesn't cross that, it doesn't make them any less of a friend or that relationship any less in its seriousness... its just not there. The sanctity of marriage is acknolwedged in all cultures and all religions. And there is a reason for that.
Anyway, the answer to your question, as I said is, that if I know the person well enough to know that s/he'll be bothered about it, and am fairly confident that his wife or her husband is fooling around, I'll let them know. In my mind, its quite clear.
Funguy, I never talked about pre-marital sex, per se. Did I? For the rest, please see above. Then again, these are my views. I am sure you neither have to agree nor conform.
CA, I thought you judged a man by the company he keeps? :p
Seriously, I do not know what I would do if I were in your situation. I guess it's easy to say it's none of your business and turn a blind eye.
Have you tried talking to your friend about it? If she continues with this type of behaviour even when her husband is in the States living with her, then I know I would probably say nothing but distance myself from her and her husband while bringing down the friendship to a mere acquaintance type relationship .... unless you will be o.k. with looking at her husband in the eye knowing all the insider scoop you do. Then again, if you become friends with the husband, I would probably feel compelled to tell him. I dunno ... it's a crappy situation.
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