Assalamu alaikum everyone, this is my first post here, despite the fact that i’v been a silent viewer since a long, long while but theres this dilemma im facing thats bothering me. Its about a certain guy friend of mine, but its easier for me to write it as a hypothetical situation, so here goes:
If you found out that a guy is cheating on his wife (lets say they’ve been engaged since a long time and just married now) would you tell her? There is not even a shadow of doubt about the cheating episodes (yes there were many) as they have been narrated by the guy himself but he says she has no idea, and that he’s changed now. Is not telling her wrong? How would you judge somebody who is aware of this but doesnt disclose it to the girl? Is it ok for me to mind my business in this case? The guy is a nice person in general, is it my place to say anything at all?
P.s- I know how sarcastic u’all get in these threads, but its my first post so go easy on me perhaps? =p
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
is the guy cheating now?
if he has stopped, as you mention, how do you know he has stopped?
what made him stop?
do you believe that he will not do this again?
why do you believe so?
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
Ok let me answer this in order:
1.is the guy cheating now? ---Not at the present moment.
2.if he has stopped, as you mention, how do you know he has stopped?---His word is all i have, about all of this, i have no background info from anybody else, just whatever hes said.
3.what made him stop?---In the last relationship that he had, the girl was way ahead of his game, she used his contacts for a better job and ripped him off in the process, when he realized he was played he decided to pray for forgiveness
4.do you believe that he will not do this again?--Im not sure, iv always thought if somebody does it once they can do it a hundred times so its sticky, he says hes over with it, but i cant vouch for him
5.why do you believe so?--Its kinda covered in 4.
What do you think. I shouldnt right? I feel SO guilty esp. when i meet them.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
Nah I wouldn't. None of my business. Considering I have covered for a friend who was dating one girl but macing on another, I would say I wouldn't tell the girl even in a marriage situation.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
If guy has stopped then their marriage do need another chance . Staying quite for now won't be wrong . If he will do it again , then don't give him pair of listening ears that he use to boost his ego .
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
A friend of a friend went to pakistan, saw the goriest blue eyed girl hed ever seen, promised to marry her, took her to the stable, romped her......absconded to uk...and acted like nothing happned.
horny bugger
felt like telling wife but
told friend to keep away from that friend.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
Would not interfere but if the friend's wife is a dear friend too, that changes things. May I just add, if a friend of mine actually did that, I'd reduce him to a bloody pulp.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
Why question it when he's not even cheating at the moment. Anyone can cheat/lie in future, so does it mean you are going to start telling their spouses right now?
Actually I'd tell that girl's family that she'd been having a affair with married guy and using him for her own benefits.
Look at this statement: "she used his contacts for a better job and ripped him off in the process, **when he realized he was played **he decided to pray for forgiveness"
Needless to say how cruel this looks. It appears she's smart and luvs to play with the guyz . Why is she all of a sudden wanting to tell his wife when she herself was a big part of the whole plan. On the other hand if the guy is asking forgiveness, atleast he's doing the right thing. If he's done mistake earlier, right now he's back on the right track. So telling his wife would be a great attempt to ruin his home. Does she want to ruin it just cuz now there are chances that they may be living happily???
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
All women are sisters. Remember that. You have a duty to your sisters. Because she will not thank you when she does find out (and she will) and then learns that you knew and did not tell her.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
Cannot say unless put in that situation. It all depends on how strong your relations are with your friend, would he listen if I talk to him directly, how well do you know his wife, possibility that wife already knows, possibility that he would do it again, so on and so forth....
In most cases, I would keep clear of the mess.
P.S. I might also depend on possibility of him inviting me to his future 'adventures' ;)
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
If guy has stopped then their marriage do need another chance . Staying quite for now won't be wrong . If he will do it again , then don't give him pair of listening ears that he use to boost his ego .
You're right I've been thinking that all along, why should i mess up my head listening to somebodys excess baggage right?
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
All women are sisters. Remember that. You have a duty to your sisters. Because she will not thank you when she does find out (and she will) and then learns that you knew and did not tell her.
And nothing is more important than truth.
I would have said the same thing myself-had i not been in this situation-thats the 'correct' approach but when you are part of the picture, and you realize that these are real ppl who can face life long consequences because of what you utter, it doesnt remain that simple anymore. And the thing is, its nice to see them together, they seem to really be in love-esp. the girl, you can tell by the way she is. Im not great friends with her, but i wouldnt want to crush her world-i mean what if he doesnt ever do it again, isnt it best for her to not find out in the first place?
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
On one hand, you want to tell wife because its not fair to be married to someone who has cheated and never know...especially if wife has been faithful and loyal.
However, you wonder if this man has truly changed and repented. Does he love his wife and why did he stop? It seems he stopped because his mistress hurt him. Not because he was hurting his wife.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
Since he doesn't sound like such a smart cookie talking about his cheating habits in public, I'm sure his wife already knows, either someone told her or she can sense the fact he is getting it on else where.
So if I were you, I wouldn't get involved.
Its totally different ifs this women is like a best friend/ sister to you.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
How do you know does not know ?
If she does not know why ruin it for her. What is she loosing because of promiscuity of this jerk ?
At least she has peace of mind , why give her stress.
And if she knows you are not going to do any service to her cause.
Re: Would you tell your friends wife that he's been cheating on her?
If I were you I wouldn't tell her...since the guy is not cheating any more, so why ruin their relationship?
But, one thing that I would do is that make up a story about how a friend's husband is cheating on her and that wives need to have a better eye out for their husbands activities these days and shouldn't blindly trust them no matter how sincere they seem etc etc....just so at least her subconscious is aware...I hope I make sense :P