Hijab is too big a compromise for me. I don't have the guarantee my husband will do such compromises for me.. this being an arranged marriage and all. And if I get the feeling I am the only one compromising.. the marriage is sure going to be rocky!
And anyways.. hijab is out of question for me atleast.
Khawa, yeah, you shouldn't do anything if you don't feel like you'd be doing it out of full sincerity. It's not just about your 'niyyat', you just have to be fair to yourself.
When I said I'd take it up, it's because I know when I do it, I'll be sincerely doing it. It's not something that's against my beliefs. And as Munni said, if it's something that can bring a positive change in me, I'd at least give it a try.
Well it depends on you. If you really wanna do it for yourself and for Allah ofcourse then go for it and if you dont feel like doing it and just wanna do for your husband then its totally wrong. It all depends on your niyat.
I wouldnt..
I wonder if he has a beard with no moustache?
If I were you I would say NO to this rishta because he is ordering you to do something before you're even his wife. I wear hijab and think very positive about it, I mean, it's great if my hubby will want me to dress in way that I'll get more respect from the opposite sex but I certainly don't want him to decide things for me, sure he can tell me that he likes or dislikes it and I won't be like "so what, do I care what you like?!". In marriage, you have to care about other person's likes and dislikes. It seems like hijab is a HUGE issue for you. Well, if you don't think you can compromise for these small things easily or think you'll do these things for your hubby but won't feel any pleasure in doing them then IMO, you might wanna wait for while til you're ready for marriage as it asks for a lot of sacrifice. Don't involve yourself in things that you "already know" will later make you unhappy!
wow.. so many replies and good thoughts.. thanks a whole lot my lovelies 
that thougt that since its a positive thing to do.. true that… but i still find it a huge issue personally… we asked how far this religiousness of his goes.. mother of his said he’s not an extremist … he does have beard tho… that seemed to close the chapter for me and dad 
hehe… so i guess another rista goes down the drain for me… mom isnt all too happy since she feels its a good thing being asked of me and me thinkin of it in a negetive way… but oh well..
maybe i would have thought about it if there was any leniency shown from the guy… but it seems either a hijab or no girl…
I know of a hijabi girl whose hubby-to-be asked her not to wear hijab after marriage. She did not agree to it. They still got married.
The thing is I know of guys looking for a hijab wearing wife..and would respect their request when I suggested someone .. (no i'm not a rishta masi!)
BUT i have hijabi friends who got tired of guys who wanted to marry hijabis b/c they were hijabis.... told her future husband that she might decide to not wear hijab some day in the future..t...to test why he wanted her.
Anyways khawateen, what Allah wills should happen and it wasn't right for you..insh all kara thumai chand jasay dhula milai..NOW i feel liks an AUNTY...:)
oops
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Re: would you take up the hijab
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by khawateen: *
suppose a rishta comes by.. meets all your requirements.. but they require the girl to wear a hijab (after marriage)... u dont wear one.. but would u?
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Meets all your requirements eh...wow and u have not even talked to the guy..and u just found out he has a beard...Aren't u special sunshine ;)...what r ur requirements anyways...I know a few abaya/chogha wearing badus in saudia :-p
Btw, I don't see you wearing a hijab...a belly ring may be but no hijab :-)...kisi crack molvi say shadi na kur laina :-D
a rishta comes by?
If they are so hung-up that their bahu/wife has to don hijab, then why don't they look for a hijabi girl to begin with? Why look for a non-hijabi and then start putting conditions on her? Obviously hijaab is important for them, therefore, they should not start their 'hunt' by ignoring the first condition.
If I were in your position, I'd be quite wary of such 'rishtas', whether they 'meet all my requirements' or not, cz obviously YOU don't meet all THEIR requirements. It doesn't sound like a win-win.
Well, if there is no cosmic connection in the arrangement that they seek then there is no room for compromise. Move on :)
Their demands are ridiculous and admirable as they maybe, a hijab is not forced. Its your choice. Right off the bat this guy and his family seems like another control freak. I could be wrong.
Re: would you take up the hijab
Ok what if the reverse was the case would you do it? Meaning if you wore a hijab would you take it off if that was the only thing they want changed?
I think the best course of action for the woman to take is that if the husband asks the lady to wear a Hijab, the lady should retort immediately that the guy should grow a beard should he be clean shaven. It’s only fair.
Even if the guy asks the wife to observe the Hijab and the lady does observe it, there is absolutely no wrong in Niyat or whatever.
The husband gets Thawab for asking the wife to observe the Hijab. (It is a religious duty of the husband and wife to guide each other to good things. If the husband asks the woman to observe the Hijab, there is absolutely no wrong in it and it’s actually great if the woman observes it.)
She herself gets Thawab for obeying Allah :swt:'s command.
(The Niyat is not donning the Hijab for the husband but for Allah :swt:. Even if the huband forces the woman to observe Hijab, it is still for the sake of Allah :swt:. The Thawab of wearing the Hijab is not diminished by wearing it yourself or being asked by the husband. Hijab is Hijab.)
In fact, the woman should get harsh with the husband to grow a beard if he doesn’t have one. She should request that he grow a beard.
All this ‘Niyat’ for the husband, religious freedom for the wife in her own choosing, letting the kids have their freedom to follow whatever they want…If all these mod-Muslim ideologies were practiced by our ancestors and forefathers, you can bet we wouldn’t even have the Islam that we have now because no one would be telling the other to do good or follow the faith…Everyone would be concerned with ‘encroaching’ on others’ privacy…
Fayz: if u got rid of that condescending tone in your reply... maybe i would answer your questions.. to judge others without even knowing them (first time im even seein you on gupshup).. is the sign of an ignorant :)
Faisal: to be honest.. its not the guy's family fault.... the woman they talked to didnt tell them i dont wear a hijab (fully knowin this family was lookin for someone who does).. so the mother assumed i did but asked just incase... that is when tehy found out i dont... there was absolutely no pressure from her.. she talked like a very rational person.. straight talk no beatin around the bush... if i dont wear a hijab will i after marriage? and if this wasnt acceptable to me then its ok.. na koi larko ki kami hai na koi larkio ki kami.. a person who says seomthin like this doesnt sound like they wanna force anyone into anything... hehe.. why my mom feels im makin a huge mistake... cuz from teh way she is talkin.. she sounds like a suljhi wi khatoon... agay allah janay
COCO: hugz imagine me in a hijab :D
HMCQ: nopes.. being asked to take on a hijab is a good thing to do no doubt.. (but shouldnt have to be forced).. but being asked to take it off is ridiculous....
Lajawab: these scenerios are only possible if ure that much into religion...if ure not happy wearing a hijab no way in hell would u ask the guy to grow a beard.. even as a revenge tactic.. its crappy hehe...
teh thing bout sawab.. fine the guy gets it.. but no way is the girl gettin it. cuz talkin personally.. if i was forced into wearin it... i would never feel im doin it for god .. i would hate my husband for forcing me and i would always think and know its cuz of him im wearing it... u only think bout god if ure doin it for him.... just like praying... fine make me stand and ask me to pray... sawab hi sawab for the person who did that.. but no sawab for me... god sees the niyat...
your last paragraph.... its ok for u to say cuz u seem to be a pretty religious fellow... but i know what i am... my dad was a jamati (not the "jamats" they have now..this is back in the 50's)... he is well learned in religion... prays 5 times a day since he was 7... hafiz ... but he has never ever forced his wife religion wise.... yes he doesnt like her wearing very fitted clothes or low necks yada yada.. but he doesnt understand how a hijab can become sucha huge issue.. kia sara islam idhar hi akay samagiya? shouldnt u also make ure wife wear an abaya then? and how bout purda? is there an end to it
when we were kids yes we were asked to pray . often beaten for not .. but once we grew up dad said its your life.. ure kabar... do as u please.... for me he is the perfect blend of deen adn duniya... the way god suggests u lead ure life
... so bascially u know what is right and what is wrong.. if u do anything to please god.. then its gonna be far more appreciated then me(dad) having to force it from u..
comin from such a family adn goin to one that forces ppl to do things.... not my cup a tea
If u love ALLAH and Rasool:saw: and honour their commands and understand they are for you and for you to follow, then this should not be a problem, instead you should be happy to do that… but no one must not and should not force u for that if u are not willing to do it… however, someone asking you to do it and u becoming angry on person is natural yet if understood in the light of quran and ahaadeeth u will know that it’s a duty of a fellow muslim to let the person know if anything is right or wrong.. (Reference: story of people of sabaath in Quran)…
on the contrary, other people should be ready to get christianic-affected views of some ignorant muslims today as well that “keep your religion to yourself” …
MaY Allah make u take the right decision, whichever is better for you 
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by khawateen: *
teh thing bout sawab.. fine the guy gets it.. but no way is the girl gettin it. cuz talkin personally.. if i was forced into wearin it... i would never feel im doin it for god .. i would hate my husband for forcing me and i would always think and know its cuz of him im wearing it... u only think bout god if ure doin it for him.... just like praying... fine make me stand and ask me to pray... sawab hi sawab for the person who did that.. but no sawab for me... god sees the niyat... *
Khawateen, i would even argue that the husband got any sawab. because this was not a situation where he convinced his wife to observe hijab, he just set it as a condition.
basically, if you force me to stand and pray as a condition for me to eat food in yoir house, and I stand there and have beatles anthology going through my mind..did you get any sawab for making me do that utthak Baitthak?
I dont think so. If you had convinced me that namaz is important ewithout putting any conditions, and I prayed with sincerity, then u do get the sawab. Hey all in all by forcing someone you may actually push them away from religion and end up collecting some Gunnah/Sin
wouldn't you think?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Anwaar Qureshi: *
it's a duty of a fellow muslim to let the person know if anything is right or wrong.. (Reference: story of people of sabaath in Quran)...
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agreed, but it is not the my duty force another person to do something what I believe is right.
educate, comunicate, have a dialogue, discuss, convince..but not force
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by khawateen: *
HMCQ: nopes.. being asked to take on a hijab is a good thing to do no doubt.. (but shouldnt have to be forced).. but being asked to take it off is ridiculous....
[/QUOTE]
If you think that way then to me it seems you are already almost predispossed to wearing the hijab much more then you are not. The only issue here been that you were asked if you would rather then allowed to make the choice yourself. To a large extent it sounds like making a mountain out of a mole hill. Taking out the hijab part, most couples almost always make changes in their fashion, food and other habits, how this is any different I dont see other then they have asked you up front about it.
Think of it this way, if your inlaws didnt like you wearing jeans, and much more preffered that you wore dress pants, would you say no? Also since its an arranged marriage, you know what the whole package is and if you like it take it and if you dont dont.
I dont think there is any married person who would say they are in a good relationship and also have not had to change anything in their life from pre marriage conditions.
one of my far of relative got married and after a year he mad his mum and wife war a scarf so there is no gurantee that the girls who marry now will stay hijab less so to speak.
any way the way i look at it there is nothing rong with someone having a gd effect on u… its abit like ur parents. as a kid we wanna do stuff but parents know wats best for us. its kind of same here… nothing comes easy… in religion if u dont start any where then u wont start at all.
hmcq :k:
even if its luv marrige u have to compromise… one more than the other its a fact of life 