suppose a rishta comes by.. meets all your requirements.. but they require the girl to wear a hijab (after marriage)… u dont wear one.. but would u?
i feel i can compromise on a lot of things but this is one issue i can’t… am i being silly.. dad says love changes it all.. u do things u would never do… but love happens after marriage in an arranged marriage…
sorta confusing…
what u say guppys girls 
Will he be willing to do something so drastic for yourself?
Never offer yourself to compromises, in the end the loss is only yours.
If that was the only "issue", I don't think it would be a problem for me.
i wouldnt see it as an issue if everything else was good :k:
good luck 
inshaAllah
woops
so far its the only thing that doesnt go down well with me… i still havta meet him and talk… hmmm.. they havent asked for typical desi things like, must be fair big eyes dark hair thin must know how to cook yada yada… dimagh kuch khera hai dil kuch aur…
sighz… im happy with my 6 kittens… 
i was just wondering how do u do something without there being any will in it.. chalo husband ko khsuh kernay ko pehenliya… but would u be able to do it right .. if ure heart’s not in it ?
grr.. if someone else had asked such a question i would have put out straight answers… so easy to understand.. funny how it can be confusing for ureself
Personally, I think the hijab should be worn if YOU sincerely want to wear it and are doing it for the right reasons .... meaning, for Allah mian. You shouldn't do it just to please a potential hubby or in-laws ..... or wear it just because everybody else in the family wears it (which is what I have seen in some situations). Remember, God knows what is in your heart and if you wear it just to please others .... well, I would feel guilty about that cause it wouldn't be sincere.
I also agree with Anchal. There is a limit to compromise. If you do this for him now, what will he ask for next? Also, what is HE doing for you?
true Mehnaz... what i was thinkin too... hmmm... well i dont have any such requirements... whatever i wanted he seems to have it... he isnt forcing me ot wear it... he just wants whoever he marries to wear it... now its upto me .. if i can great. otherwise no big deal.. other fishes in the sea...
i just need to see how far his religiousness goes... if he wears his pants above his ankles.. then its goodbye .. hehe :D
antoher thing taht came up in my head was.. so he doesnt want a hijab wearing wife today.. but who can say 10 yrs down teh road ure hubby won't ask u to take up hijab (as it is his god given duty to follow the righteous path and also make his wife do the same)... then what would u gals do?
In 10 years, a lot can happen. You can become more spiritual yourself and decide to wear it and your hubby may not want you to. At that point, there is obviously commitment, understanding and hopefully love and compromise. I don't know what I would do cause I have yet to find myself in such a situation. As of now, what I can say is that if I felt that wearing it would be sincere, then I would. If even after 10 years I think it would not be sincere, then I would not. Tricky situation cause who knows what the situation may be.
Whatever happens and whenever it happens, ultimately, it has to be sincere and done from your own heart. Otherwise, you may start resenting the person who you are doing this for .... especially if you are doing all of the compromising and they do nothing.
khawateen, many years ago my answer would have been no, but now I would take up hijab if my potential asked. It's something I feel is a requirement anyway, but even if I didnt feel this way, I believe I would. Reason being that he is asking me to make what I consider a positive change. I can see many benefits to it and so I would do it.
My brothers rishta, she doesnt wear hijab, and my brother asked her to do it, and at first she was resistant, but now she does it. He also asked her to exercise cause she has some issue with something and she started and now she feels a lot better about herself and that issue she had is gone, which has resulted in her exercising on a daily basis. So it was a positive change for her, and she is happier at the result.
That is how I see it, of course others may not see it as something positive, its really upto the individual.
I know for a fact that there are going to be issues/habits that my hubby would have that I would ask him to consider taking a look at and possibly changing for the better. I would imagine that a couple would be willing to make compromises and do things for eachother.
There's a difference of opinion on whether you think hijab is mandatory or not. If you think it's a religious requirement, then think about taking it up. However, if you think hijab has little to do with religion, then err.. still think about it :)
If you think you can live with it, then it's not a big deal.
I guess when it comes to marriage, girls do have to compromise.
I thought "niyat" was everything. what is the niyyat here?
If you you are doing hijab for yer husband and not for the sake of God, that is a facade.
Its akin to me standing for prayers just because there is some expectation, but humming eagles songs in my head.
i agree with munni, i feel its a requirement anyway, so why not :)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fraudz: *
I thought "niyat" was everything. what is the niyyat here?
If you you are doing hijab for yer husband and not for the sake of God, that is a facade.
Its akin to me standing for prayers just because there is some expectation, but humming eagles songs in my head.
[/QUOTE]
Niyat is not everything.
You will find in hadith where it mentions the person who did not intend to do something good, but the act performed resulted in something good. What happened with that person? A good deed was written in his record, even without his "niyat" there. smile
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Anchal: *
Never offer yourself to compromises, in the end the loss is only yours.
[/QUOTE]
Words of wisdom. All girls should keep this in mind.
Heh, not compromise? I'm sorry but I have to disagree. To make relationships work, you have to compromise.
You shouldn't be the only one doing all the compromising though.
^ True. But to a reasonable extent, you should. I've seen mostly it is the women that have to be more flexible in our society. I'm not saying that it's good or bad, just suggesting that our men are a little sir-phiray :)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
Niyat is not everything.
You will find in hadith where it mentions the person who did not intend to do something good, but the act performed resulted in something good. What happened with that person? A good deed was written in his record, even without his "niyat" there. smile
[/QUOTE]
but did the person had the intention to pass it off as a good intent?
there is a difference if I throw a stone and inadvertently ward of a cat about to attack some bird.
different if I throw teh rock to actually injure the cat for no reason, but let people think that oh I did this to save teh bird.
would teh person doing hijab tell ppl why she is doing hijab? i.e. husband wants her to, although she does not really care for it. or would she sit there being all holy and pretending that she did it because she understood the significance of it.
I agree with Mehnazq. Its important that you want to do it for yourself as well as your partner.
Have you asked if you could gradually work your way into it, and after some time you could do it properly, or does he want you to start wearing it straight after marriage?
personally I would find that very difficult.