would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

[Mamaof3]

@PyariCgudia

Your husband is a smart hard-working man, and I bet he didn’t start of the marriage with asking you to fork over your inheritance. In american culture, inheritance has its place. But in Pakistani culture, a woman’s inheritance is ALL she usually has to fall back on. With all due respect, you were a successful exec before marriage, so if things were to fall apart or you lose your husband, YOU can survive.

Most of these Pakistani girls who get married, don’t have much of an education, and most certainly do not have job experience earning six figure salaries like you did. So her little piece of land means A LOT to her. Not only that, but desi families living abroad have had to deal with a lot of crap. So that piece of land that her FATHER saved up for and bought and gave to her probably has some significant sentimental value as well.

So, forking over your inheritance as a Pakistani woman, is a big deal. Girls grapple with it all the time, and eventually give in to the pressures of their inlaws, because they’d rather not fight and break their marriages. What happens is that a subset of THAT population ends up losing their inheritance due to irresponsible management by the husband who demanded it in the first place.

You may have security in your husband because he’s no an idiot. But I’m telling you, Verizon uncle is a different breed of man. Most Pakistani men are not like your husband, and we desi girls know a good desi man when we see him. Verizon is RARE.

So, I know you probably think you’re more wiser than the rest of us, but we girls know what’s in store for us, and most of it is sheer crap. Our petty inheritances are all we have to secure us in case our husbands cheat on us (common), pass on STD’s to us (common), take on extra wives (not common, but definitely happens), beat us (more common that I thought), abuse us emotionally (very common), or his parents/siblings give us hell (common).

PCG, your reply truly humbled me. I do not think I’m wiser than anyone here, I think I am more blessed and lucky to have found such a gem of a man. I thank God/Allah every day for all that I have in my life and while it can be pretty easy to take it all for granted, I do realize that my situation is lovely and not the norm for many.

The rest of what you said…is heartbreaking and the reason that I’m such a fan of “Three cups of Tea” and any efforts made to educate girls in Pak/afghanistan. Empowerment is vital and it begins with education. Nothing will change overnight but by taking positive steps in the right direction is a good start. When a woman knows that she will be able to provide salary enough to feed, clothe and house herself then she is a force to be reckoned with.

In the meantime, if a gal is in a situaion where inheritance from her own family is all she has to rely upon then she should hang onto it for dear life.