Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
I have always lived alone as I mentioned earlier, my in laws are nice poeple they are not the typical cruel nasty in laws we often hear about. My first experience of living with them after intiially marriage was Ok becasue I was living with them in their house only till DH got his visa to come and join me in the uK, so I knew it was only temporary so anything I was not happy about I kept quiet knowing it was not a permanent thing.
Nine years ago however, after DH and I moved to a larger house we invited MIL and FIL to come over and visit us, I wanted everything to be perfect for them, I insisted they finish all errands before coming as I didn't want them rushing back for things that needed to be done. (DH comes from a large family).
They stayed with us for 4 months, that was the hardest 4 months of my life, it was nowhere near how I imagined it would be. I had 2 children aged 8 and 4 and a 6 week old baby at the time when they came, we have many relatives living in the UK, EVERYONE came to see them, becasue people knew I had a newborn they insisted they would just come for tea and not have dinner with us. Anyone from Lahore, will vouch for this that tea in our houses is not simply tea and a biscuit, it is a meal it itself. I was exhausted, MIL in the whole of the duration, did not help me once. She never even helped herself to a glass of water, didn't ever think it would be helpful to learn how to use the kettle and occassionally make herself a cup of tea. She was not and is not immobile, I guess she was just not used to doing things, at here house they have servants, a cook etc... and she had stopped doing any housework of any kind for a few years. I was depressed , upset and to this day am still traumatised by that time, they realised that this was not a good idea and wanted to go back but DH insisted they stay longer.
MIL does not visit anymore as she is not able to travel long distances, FIL sometimes come but he doesn't stay longer than 3 weeks, I can handle that but the first visit was a complete nightmare.
If someone is with the in laws from day one it may not be to difficult if they are nice people, I wouldn't recommend it for nayone doing it after many yeasr of living alone. In my situation, either here or in PK it was never going to be permanent.
I have learned alot through this experience, I will not be a MIL who imposes herself and and doesn not try to at least do something for herself, I am always telling my own mum to keep herself active which she is.
At the end of the day it depends on the individuals how they adjust to each other, the both need to be compassionate and understand the needs of the other.
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
Not wanting to stay with in-laws doesn't mean that people (and in this thread, women) are selfish or westernized!! Come on.
Parents have problems with their own children when they reach puberty and start thinking a little independently. It's hard for parents to adjust to that. It takes a while. Now imagine adjusting with a fully grown woman who is not only independent in thinking but also, in addition, grew up in a different family and so, does not share the same family values. It is hard and it is a source of friction. It does not make one party an angel and another a selfish demon. And if the woman prefers a separate house then it's perfectly reasonable. The generational values can and will be different, especially in the current times because this time period happens to be one where change happened. The proportion of women with careers and education (which promotes independent thinking, good or bad is another debate) has taken a leap that the previous generations didn't see.
Seriously, how many desi Son-I-Ls will happily live with their parents-in-law?? A small minority. Even if the guy is one of many sons and his wife is the only child.
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
i think every woman secretly earns to live alone with her husband n kids. every woman wishes for a place she can run n decorate acc to her view n taste, bring up her kids acc to her views which is not possible with inlaws. when we were visiting inlaws i find their house quite cluttered n their taste of arranging n decorating house not so gr8 while the pieces they bought were quite expensive. one day i cleaned their dinning room and made it look more cleaner and attractive, putting unneccesary things in shelves and hiding clutter behind cupboards. it took like an hour to dust, clean n arrange that room. next day everything was out in open again. same i cleaned their shoe shelf and put a small fake plant over the top of the shelf. to me it looked cleaner to them it looked strange(who puts a plant on a shoe shelf?) so they re-set it
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
My parents don't expect their DILs to live with them once my bros are married. We appreciate that people need space. Gone are the days when DILs and the in laws had to live in the same house. I personally would prefer living separate. I currently do not live wih my parents and am not sure if I could cope with living with in laws interfering with my life. My parents never question me about anything. Hence I would prefer people doing the same in the future.
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
i think every woman secretly earns to live alone with her husband n kids. every woman wishes for a place she can run n decorate acc to her view n taste, bring up her kids acc to her views which is not possible with inlaws. when we were visiting inlaws i find their house quite cluttered n their taste of arranging n decorating house not so gr8 while the pieces they bought were quite expensive. one day i cleaned their dinning room and made it look more cleaner and attractive, putting unneccesary things in shelves and hiding clutter behind cupboards. it took like an hour to dust, clean n arrange that room. next day everything was out in open again. same i cleaned their shoe shelf and put a small fake plant over the top of the shelf. to me it looked cleaner to them it looked strange(who puts a plant on a shoe shelf?) so they re-set it
I'm sorry but who goes and cleans someone else's house b/c it doesnt suit "their" taste?
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
i didn't much thought it was just someone's else house :) since i was doing all cooking, dishes, laundary and some cleaning( which they never minded but actually want me to do) i thought a lil detailed cleaning would look nice. thats not the point though, the thing is if u live with in-laws its their way.
waisay u r right bhalayee ka zamana hai he nahi ...:)
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
The worst thing inlaws can do is forcing the DIL to live with them, because in 99% of the cases the girl will just do every mean thing to get out, leaving behind an even bigger mess. So live and let live.
Re: Would you live with your in-laws or separately?
its different when ur living there but if ur visiting, then don't do it. simple.
actually its not that simple. when u r married for long time and ur inlaws hav pure desi mentality u can't just visit and act like any guest. u r a guest that is expected to come forward, serve, mingle up and act like any family member. u r expected to take up responsibilities( but not the charge or right to take decisions alone). staying detach and reserved mostly works against a dil.
