Re: Would you let your kids have a ‘relationship’ before marriage?
My SO and I have been together for 2 years. Neither one of us asked our parents for “permission” when we met. We dated for a little over 1 year when we finally agreed that we will get married and that’s when we told our parents.
I moved out of my parents home once I finished my undergrad (at 21). Once I moved out, I didn’t need to “ask” my parents for anything. As an adult, I made my own decisions. The idea of 18 year old’s moving out of parents homes to go to college is VERY common (at least here in the U.S.). Does anyone really think these students call their mom/dad (or will call mom/dad) to ask “permission” to date??! Heck when I was in high school (even in college), I knew desis who lived WITH their parents and dated WITHOUT their parents knowing.
I will do my best to pass on my own morals and values to my children and teach them right from wrong. I always want my children to be open with me and not feel like they have to “hide” any aspects of their life from me.
Will I encourage them to date? NO
But if I find out that they are dating, I won’t forbid it or make them feel like they have to start lying to me. I have not forgotten what teenagers/young adults are like. I knew plenty of kids in high school/college who were “forbidden” by their parents to date or mix with the opposite sex. I also saw first hand how they lied/manipulated their parents and did it anyway.
As for “accepting” whoever they choose…YES. My parents do not agree with my choice of future husband (ie. my SO). My SO’s parents do not agree with his choice of future wife (ie. me). However, both sets of parents respect us as adults and thus, respect our choices. I will do the same for my children.
I don’t know when my children will move out of the house but I know for sure that I have the first 18 years of their life to teach them right vs. wrong according to our (my husband and I) values/morals. After that, I will do my best to guide them…but not “tell” them what they need to do (especially when choosing their life partner). They will need to learn to make their own decisions and live with their own choices. Once the children are adults, I may not always agree with the choices they make, but I will always respect their choices and support them. After all, if a person can’t count on their own father/mother for support, then who can they count on?