Would you let your kids date?

[Krypton]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

while ur dating, first of all, your not exactly "you", u are someone trying to please another person. ur going to do ur best to try to b as gr8 as possible infront of that other person.

sure cud lead to problems after marraige.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@Saima-uk

we mix and mingle with ne mehrams all the time, at school for example. now this is not compulsory you choose to study further etc, is this not because it's convenient for you when you could go to an all girls or all boys school.

thats not quite the intermingling of the sexes i was referring to...perhaps i wasnt clear in my wording...i meant intermingling as in....one on one.

sorry for not making that clear.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@Sabriya786

It's not about changing the Quran it's about changing perspectives... times have changed and the sooner people become more accepting of it and disregard it as something taboo, the less inclined these kids are of going out and doing these things simply out of curiosity and rebellion. Ever notice when a Pakistani kid/teen goes "astray" they're much worse than the worse Americans? It's human nature to be enticed into forbidden territory rather than clean living. If you tell kids they can date at a set age, they are much more likely to abstain from it til you give them permission and by then they would probably already be as devout as you guys want them to be, therefore they wouldnt do it. Worked in my family. My dad told us we could date, but never put any restriction on age, till my sister had problems with her boyfriend. Thats when he said 16/17 is the right age for us to make an informed decision in regards to our significant other. Me and my brothers have never had bfs/gfs because it is nothing exciting to us, we're allowed to, but its nothing exhilirating. Not to say that I haven't gone on "dates" with guys, where we go chill, catch a movie, go to the mall, etc. Good clean fun, no harm in that.

once again......anything that can lead to haram is prohibited.

Dating can lead to many things....perhaps u can go out with someone with a clear/clean mind...knowing that nothing is going to happen....but can u honestly speak for the other person?

Im not gonna sit here and tell people that you should or shouldnt date.....but to say that it should be allowed in Islam...is wrong! If u do something wrong.....admit that its wrong and dont justify it or try to make it right. (im not pointing fingers at u btw)

[Aish]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

yes i will, theyre free to do whatever they want

[andy936]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

Angel Eyes: absolutely right

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

Do not be emotional rather think logically.

Decades ago, rishtas were done like this, Chat magni, pat bia.... Nowadays, people meet each other in coffee shops, jobs or at gatherings...get to know each other, introduce each other to their familes, get engaged and than married. Right now, people take the initiative to meet their prince charming/ girl of their dream.

There are others who would like to stay home look pretty and all pious and think that the girl of their dreams/ prince charming will knock on their door asking for their hand...their choice but, please do not degrade people who would go and look for their mate.

BTW, what is about parents have to be there when the potential mates are talking? If you are an adult, you will respect each other views and perspective.

[shweetdreamz]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

ofcourse ill let them date. as long as they remain drug-free and get good grades. if its a high-school kinda crush interferring with their studies and causing them to day-dream during finals week im gonna smack the shyt out of them.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@Man with a Plan

Do not be emotional rather think logically.

Decades ago, rishtas were done like this, Chat magni, pat bia.... Nowadays, people meet each other in coffee shops, jobs or at gatherings...get to know each other, introduce each other to their familes, get engaged and than married. Right now, people take the initiative to meet their prince charming/ girl of their dream.

There are others who would like to stay home look pretty and all pious and think that the girl of their dreams/ prince charming will knock on their door asking for their hand...their choice but, please do not degrade people who would go and look for their mate.

BTW, what is about parents have to be there when the potential mates are talking? If you are an adult, you will respect each other views and perspective.

I agree....i certainly want to get to know the guy i marry without having parents around......but there is a way of doing that without having to be alone with the person and/or without intimacy. Besides what good does it do "dating"....this is what americans do......and the divorce rate here is currently over 50%...makes u wonder.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@shweetdreamz

ofcourse ill let them date. as long as they remain drug-free and get good grades. if its a high-school kinda crush interferring with their studies and causing them to day-dream during finals week im gonna smack the shyt out of them.

my mom always knew i was up to no good when my grades slipped :halo:

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@AnGeL EyEs

I agree…i certainly want to get to know the guy i marry without having parents around…but there is a way of doing that without having to be alone with the person and/or without intimacy. Besides what good does it do “dating”…this is what americans do…and the divorce rate here is currently over 50%…makes u wonder.

There is no sort of intimacy on first date. It is mostly about ‘get to know’ each other and most of the people after the date tell their friends and family about it rather family telling the person about their potential mate. Intimacy comes very late, most of the time it is 2-3 months and by that time if you choose “not to have sex before marriage thing” can be dealt with.

Dating is about finding your potential mate not mating. It is like rishta talk, but without all the hola around. In dates, it is you who choose the location that you are comfortable with, conversation you are ok with and person who you want to be with.

Divorce rate in America has nothing to do with Dating. That is an entire new issue, in my opinion. I think people have lost respect of marriage and do not take it seriously.

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@AnGeL EyEs

my mom always knew i was up to no good when my grades slipped :halo:

You were up to no good? . I don’t believe that, you’re a goody-two-shoes

It’s impossible to say that I wouldn’t let my kids date, because you can’t control your kids, they’ll just act behind your back.

However, I would make it clear that I disapprove of dating, I’d be very disappointed if they dated, I’d feel betrayed if they dated, I would say that I couldn’t understand why they would hate me so much that they would date, I couldn’t understand why they hate God so much they would date… in other words, I’d resort to all the emotional blackmail thaat I could to put them off dating

Realistically though, these days in the east or the west it’s very very hard to get kids to avoid dating. You can’t be there to control them all the tiime; unless you strike it lucky and they just have a conservative streak in them you’re pretty much screwed.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@Man with a Plan

There is no sort of intimacy on first date. It is mostly about 'get to know' each other and most of the people after the date tell their friends and family about it rather family telling the person about their potential mate. Intimacy comes very late, most of the time it is 2-3 months and by that time if you choose "not to have sex before marriage thing" can be dealt with.

Dating is about finding your potential mate not mating. It is like rishta talk, but without all the hola around. In dates, it is you who choose the location that you are comfortable with, conversation you are ok with and person who you want to be with.

Divorce rate in America has nothing to do with Dating. That is an entire new issue, in my opinion. I think people have lost respect of marriage and do not take it seriously.

i think perhaps we need to start looking at the definition of dating...which will certainly be defined differently from person to person.

when i hear "dating" .....im not thinking just one date. Im thinking seeing the person for a certain amount of time. Certainly u cant get to know someone with just one date.........right?

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

You were up to no good? . I don’t believe that, you’re a goody-two-shoes

It’s impossible to say that I wouldn’t let my kids date, because you can’t control your kids, they’ll just act behind your back.

However, I would make it clear that I disapprove of dating, I’d be very disappointed if they dated, I’d feel betrayed if they dated, I would say that I couldn’t understand why they would hate me so much that they would date, I couldn’t understand why they hate God so much they would date… in other words, I’d resort to all the emotional blackmail thaat I could to put them off dating

Realistically though, these days in the east or the west it’s very very hard to get kids to avoid dating. You can’t be there to control them all the tiime; unless you strike it lucky and they just have a conservative streak in them you’re pretty much screwed.

i can be bad

emotional blackmail only works with some kids.

[Amani06]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

I totally agree with Angel Eyes. I just think we live in such a crazy i really wanna protect my daughter from stupid idiots and i know my hub feels the same. Its very hard to say what i would do in 18 yrs until im actually faced with it. At this present moment in time she is nearly 3-bless her so im not worrying abt stuff that hasnt even happened!

[Skittlez]

Re: Would you let your kids date?

For those who are worried about intimacy on dates, it's not as common as you think. My sister was with her boyfriend from age 13- about 22 and she finally did the deed about 6 years into their relationship. Sex is not as prevalent in relationships that are accepted by parents. Since my parents knew about it, they were usually hanging out at the house, or at his house, meeting at social gatherings, etc. Those who date behind their parents' back, usually cut school to be with each other, thus resulting in bad grades, go to friends' houses when the parents are at work, all this sneaking around with zero adult supervision or knowledge results in the kind of problems you all are worried about.