I was talking to a girlfriend last night and she was telling me about one of her rishtas. This rishta is a guy who is actually a friend of hers but has proposed to the family for her hand, and she is considering him.
He mentioned to her that he was going to get a physical exam done at a clinic to check his blood pressure, heart rate, etc. Then, to her surprise, he asked her if she would do the same before any decision is made. He wants to know the results of the physical exam to see just how healthy she is/isnt.
My friend didnt know what to think, as she hasnt been to a doctor in years, and infact is the type that stays away from doctors and prefers home remedies.
Would you get a physical exam done and tell your rishta the results, if he or she asked you to do that? What if they made it a condition for marriage? What would you do? Would you be offended?
Also, would you ask someone to get a physical exam done? Thanks.
I've seen this before..where a family here (USA Settled) had mixed feelings about a girl. Apparently the girls mother was ill with some hereditary disease and were worried that the daughter may have it as well, which in turn may pass on to her children. I donnt know how much of it is fact or just paranoia, but people have all sorts of things that run through their heads. If there is nothing to worry about then just do it.
If you were marrying a non-virgin, would you ask him/her to be tested for STDs? Honestly, I would ask and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I would hope the person would not be offended. I think this is a serious health issue that perhaps desi people shy away from. In fact, this is the only major health issue that would concern me and cause me to say 'no' to somebody.
To me that sounds wrong.. i mean if i am going to marry some girl she might not have any disease but she can also get some disease after marriage.. so then what? love a person.. not ur desires!
Re: Would you get a health checkup for your rishta?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
I was talking to a girlfriend last night and she was telling me about one of her rishtas. This rishta is a guy who is actually a friend of hers but has proposed to the family for her hand, and she is considering him.
He mentioned to her that he was going to get a physical exam done at a clinic to check his blood pressure, heart rate, etc. Then, to her surprise, he asked her if she would do the same before any decision is made. He wants to know the results of the physical exam to see just how healthy she is/isnt.
My friend didnt know what to think, as she hasnt been to a doctor in years, and infact is the type that stays away from doctors and prefers home remedies.
Would you get a physical exam done and tell your rishta the results, if he or she asked you to do that? What if they made it a condition for marriage? What would you do? Would you be offended?
Also, would you ask someone to get a physical exam done? Thanks.
[/QUOTE]
So by the time you ask for a check of STDs would this be through your parents to his parents or person to person? And would the results then be shared with the family or just the spouses to be?
How about a test for sickle cell anemia, or all the other heredetary diseases, diabetes, high colestrol, glucoma?
Menhaz :How would you ever ask someone if they were "non-virgin" and if the person then claims hes a "virgin" should he still be asked to undergo tests?
Its a surprise divorced/widowed people get married at all. They would first have to prove their innocence in their situation then follow that by showing they are decent and then get tested for various possible ailments.
Did it ever occur to you that it’s possible to meet somebody on your own without getting your entire khandaan or rishta people involved in the process? Perhaps it’s also possible to find this all out before you bring the person home to meet mummy and daddy. I don’t see what the big deal is.
Quite frankly, it doesn’t really bother me if a guy is a virgin or not. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have used “non-virgin”, but I was trying to make a point … which clearly did not get through.
What is important to me and what I do want to know is (and believe me, I have no problem asking this) “have you been tested (for STDs)?” If I am going to eventually be intimate with someone who has been around, then I don’t see any shame or issue in asking if they have been tested for STDs. It’s a smart thing to do.
I guess I’d be offended if a stranger asked me this question. Heck! I didn’t even like when I was asked about my salary in one of the rishta interviews. I’m not buying your daughter u know…if you are not smart enough to judge me from my outlook and lifestyle then I think you should go to an auction instead..
These subjects are sensitive and strangers asking this questions is uncalled for. I wouldn’t mind if it is coming from a girl whom I have known for sometime but then again I’d expect it to be more of a judgment call on the girl’s part and should be handled diplomatically. If I have doubts about a girl who has been around I wouldn’t ask her hand in marriage anyways…in other words I probably won’t be asking this question as I trust my instincts more than a medical certificate.
i totally agree with the idea and there is nothing wrong with it.
being virgin or not really doesnt matter as after marriage you wont be any more (hehehehe) .
I have seen few marriages in which one partner died just after a year or after 6 months its was disclosed to one party that other party got cancer, etc and will only live few more mths. ( happend to one family friends daughter and her hubby died in 10 mths of marriage because of some sort of cancer. no one told girls side that there was some thing wrong with boy. but in the end it ruined the life of the girl).
so rather than starting a relationship on a lie should do it rightway so both parties will be safe.
off course you can get sick any time but prevention is always better than cure.
but if you are being specifically asked for STD check up then you might have to think again.
I find this thread morally disturbing, while base level tests are good in some cases, it seems the focus shifts from health reasons to "compatability".
The thought that any person would be judged by their family history or genetic pre disposition as grounds for getting married is plain wrong. We are not responsible for our ancestors genetic background or lifestyles nor are we responsible for what we pass down to our own children. Where do you draw the line? Ask the spouse to check her or his own weight and see if they are obese or anorexic? Check their liver function to see if they have been drinking? Check for fertility? Check eye colour?
Mind you I am not against base line testing, Medical conditions like Huntington's chorea and otehrs are terrible conditions and need proper screening, but those are done for the sake of children..not for the sake of marraige.
