ur in laws ask ur kids to rub or massage their feet? in laws means not only dada, dadi but phoopi, phoopa even though their own kids r sitting right beside but they don’t ask them. n wat should u d if u don’t like it but ur hubby says nothing and ur kids don’t know how to say NO.
Re: would do feel uncomfortable if...
Er, if I felt that my kids r being used for this purpose and the other kid's are sitting idle, then I wouldn't like it bcos I wouldn't want to feel like my kids r slaves.
However, if I knew that it's bcos my kids are better at massaging than the others (and sometimes it can b the case bcos some ppl malish like clumsy cluts and others are really relaxing) then i wouldn't mind so much.
If it was very regular, I would say in a nice way, perhaps we can ask tinku to malish your feet this time bcos my bubbloo is a bit tired today, or something...
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BTW - I don't like the whole get the kids to do malish thing anyway.
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i just dunno how how to say it in a way nobody fusses. i try to teach kids to say No but i hav seen they say No n the other party will insist n they come under pressure.
last time my Sil made my 5 yrs old put cream on her feet n mil's feet. She can do it herself...how good a five yr old could be? she has kids 11yrs-16yrs. i sat there watching n didn't know how to react. Saying No means a big time hangama. this time i went to Sil's house n i was in kitchen when i saw my 12 yrs old massaging her hubby's feet. She was there n her 3 kids were there. So y particularly him? if i talk to hubby he brushes it off. he doesn't want hungama, neither do i. n they'll make whole fuss k hum kuch nahin lagtay in bachon k... blah blah. Same thing dadi ammi does her own ladla adopted son/nephew(15 yrs) is sitting right beside but will only ask one of my boys. if they refuse dant khatay hain... ah Rupay tell me something cunning plz ;)
I don't like this thing after 2 minutes you should call them for some work and tell them not to come into room any more. If they are in your house, then tell your kids to get busy so they don't have any choice left and if its your in laws house call your kids for some work or tell them to go to restroom for next 10 minutes potty time. They are just using your kids.
Re: would do feel uncomfortable if...
Thats not nice of them. Personally I wouldnt like something like that especially when its only MY kids who are getting orders on doing this. You can do two things .. Tell ur kids to deny whether they get scold or not .. When they get scold, jump in :p ... Two- why dont u ask one of their children to massage ur feet, then we will see what they feel ;)
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How wierd is that! But to be honest i would just let it be and not say anything. Or next time you are resting, tell one of their kids to do your feet. And see what happens.
Mabrook,
Are the in-laws asking your kids to massage their feet on a regular basis? Or is this is just something that has happened once or twice?
The next time that they ask your kids to massage them........say, "Oh.....the kids have had enough free time. It's time for them to do their homework/take a shower/get ready for school/etc etc). And before your kids can respond........just send them away to do that activity.
Or tell your kids to tell phoopa/phoopi......."Ammi said that I have to do my homework/eat dinner/take a shower now."
I don't know if the above ideas will work but you can try it.
Or nicely tell your in-laws......"The kids are young and shy and silly.....they don't know how to massage as they're not used to doing this. Plus, it won't be very effective. You need STRONG hands to massage you. I think your son or daughter can do a much better job. Also, some Panadol might help. Or you can try soaking your feet in warm water and salt."
^See, if you give your in-laws some suggestions for their food problems.........then they won't be that offended because you're showing that you care about their problem.
^I've heard my mom and other desi parents tell in-laws....."Bachon ko kya pata/samajh hai." Or they lightly say, "Bachay to pagal hain. Inhay kya samajh hai. In ki aadat nahin hai." They make such general comments when in-laws make uncomfortable requests. And this is a way of changing the subject in a subtle manner.
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^Or tell your kids to give phoopa/phoopi/chacha/tayi.............the worst and most pathetic foot massage ever on purpose. And that will deter them from making the request again.
Re: would you feel uncomfortable if...
I would go absolutely mad Mabrook, and as their mother u have to stand up for them. I would not give a damn if it caused hungama, my children would come first. They are children, and I do not understand why anybody would ask anyone else, never mind a child, to rub their feet.
IMO Kids should massage their parent's feet if they feel tired, and grandparents too- I frequently go and massage my mom's feet without her even asking, because I know she deserves it after a long day of standing, and she doesn't want to trouble me about it. Sometimes my dad too.
but I draw the line at grandparents. No phupis and especially no phuppa's - the guy is not even related! You should sit down and ask their kids to malish your feet, your hubby's feet, etc, i'm sure that will give them the hint. Make sure to do it at a time when your kids are obviously free (like they do). You may feel uneasy asking them, but see how they don't feel at all uneasy asking your kids. At this point, it seems like your kids' aunt/uncle are doing it because they can, don't let your kids be used.
^ True.
I can understand if parents request immediate family members such as their OWN children/spouse to massage their feet. I could even understand grandparents make such a request to their own grandchildren.
BUT.........phoopa/phoopi? That IS strange. Unless they think of themselves as being like your children's grandparents. But even then it seems inappropriate.
God thats weird.
I wouldn't say anything if it was only the grand-parents, but it would bother me to no end if the phupa and phupi were asking.
Why dont you get your kids to complain to your hubby??
That his cousins are sitting by and he's the only one made to malish the feet?
I really would ask their kids to malish your feet, but that would be too obvious.
Teach your kid to say no, and if they are still pressuring your kid, you better jump in and stand up for your child and say, 'Oh, he is not feeling well today, why dont you ask your kid for a change?'
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no it doesn't happen on regular basis...only 3 times so far in my presence. in my absence i dunno. but it disturbs me. i may not mind if someone's extremely needy n there's no one around but i mind it even for dada, dadi coz older grandchildren n kids r there n not said anything. the only reason i believe is coz mine r too timid to say No. they r the shareef bachchas that r easily pressurized. today i talked to my son n told him if it ever happens again say to them "ask ..... bhai. i'm weak n get tired easily. he's stronger". i'll tell my daughter same thing now if u can't say no just say i'm soo tired after giving them one or two hands n start crying. lets see if they can understand n actually act on it.
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It's okay for dada dadi but uncles and aunties no way. Kids have self respect as well you know.
the only reason i believe is coz mine r too timid to say No. they r the shareef bachchas that r easily pressurized.
I agree with you. In just about every family, you have the very shareef kiddos (like yours :)) and the not-so well behaved ones...when some of the adults feel like scolding or ordering the younger ones around, they generally zero in on the soft-spoken/polite ones because they know they will get no protest or back talk. Funnily enough, the child that they focus on is usually not their own.
At least that's what I've noticed.
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well what i learned from my experience is that either father or mother had to be strong and should protect their kids from this paindoo pan.i dont care if people mind it ,but its better to set some limits in the family.give them your pieace of mind that you dont like such sick harkatain,if not next time tell that guys son/daughter to massage your feet .apnai upper jaab aai nah tou koi bardashat nahi karta.when you will say that do see their reaction to it.
i always wonder why some people are soo weird in ..inlaws:smack:
Re: would you feel uncomfortable if...
May I suggest CHILLI POWDER??? This versatile ingredient should be incorporated in any foot cream used to help the massage process. It works particularly well when applied to broken skin.
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OK, unfortunately, I didn't see my nana jaan or dadi jaan but I did have nani and dada jaan. My father and dada jaan NEVER EVER asked any one of us siblings to massage his feet or head or whatever. However, ammi and nanno has asked me or my other cousins to massage their heads, feet etc. and I have always done it very happily.
They say I do the best head and feet massage and that's why my younger brother asks me to massage his head with oil and I don't see any issue with it AT ALL.
Bottomline, I don't see what's the issue here. Unless it's only one or two kids that are ALWAYS picked to do the massages or other chores while other cousin siblings are ALWAYS sitting idle at that time, only then I'd be annoyed. Otherwise, it's only family, and not any tom, dick, and harry, who's asking for it.