Hypothetical, but realistic, situation:
A women has successfully married off her children and is now looking for a potential rishta for her youngest/ last son. The son is making moves in his career and is pretty “qualified”, by rishta seekers’ prespectives. (Would be able to provide for his wife/ keep her happy/ etc).
The woman is getting older, and in turn, her health isn’t where it used to be. She needs help with household chores and tasks.
So the question:
If this rishta came to your doorstep, would you (females), feel like they just needed a ‘kaam walli’ or would you be understanding about the situation?
why would caring for a loved one become a task and make me a naukar?
no....I wouldn't consider their search to be for a kaam waali.....they want a DIL that will care for her MIL as her own mother.....nothing wrong with that as long as the son treats her with the love, compassion and respect that a wife deserves.
i do a lot of work both inside and outside the home and this girl did NOT like that…always taunted me by saying, “you are naukar of your Bhabhi!” … i always smiled and said, “tum modern log is baat ko nahiiN samajh saktiiN is liye koshish bhii na karo samajhne kii!”
Hypothetical, but realistic, situation:
A man has successfully married off his children and is now looking for a potential rishta for his youngest/ last daughter. The daughter is pretty qualified, by rishta seekers' perspectives. (Would be able to keep her husband happy etc).
The man is getting older, and in turn, his health isn't where it used to be. He is retiring, therefore wont be able to meet his daughters expenses anymore and needs another man to shoulder this responsibility now.
So the question:
If this rishta came to your doorstep, would you (males), feel like they just needed a 'kaam wala' , a 'beast of burden', 'naukar' or would you be understanding about the situation?
The woman is getting older, and in turn, her health isn't where it used to be. She needs help with household chores and tasks.
So the question:
If this rishta came to your doorstep, would you (females), feel like they just needed a 'kaam walli' or would you be understanding about the situation?
I completely understand an elderly woman needing help with household chores/daily tasks. Here's my question......who is helping her RIGHT NOW with these chores/tasks? Other family members? Maid? The single son?
Whether or not I feel like a kaam wali would depend on how I'm treated. Is this woman searching for a stay-at-home wife to help her throughout the day with multiple tasks? Does the woman also expect her son to assist her in the evenings or during the weekend? If the new bahu goes to school or works......or even when the bahu gets pregnant/has her own chilldren etc.....is the MIL open to hiring a maid to lessen some of the bahu's task? OR does ALL the responsibility to assist the MIL fall solely on the bahu no matter what?
Hypothetical, but realistic, situation:
A man has successfully married off his children and is now looking for a potential rishta for his youngest/ last daughter. The daughter is pretty qualified, by rishta seekers' perspectives. (Would be able to keep her husband happy etc).
The man is getting older, and in turn, his health isn't where it used to be. He is retiring, therefore wont be able to meet his daughters expenses anymore and needs another man to shoulder this responsibility now.
So the question:
If this rishta came to your doorstep, would you (males), feel like they just needed a 'kaam wala' , a 'beast of burden', 'naukar' or would you be understanding about the situation?
Hypothetical, but realistic, situation:
A women has successfully married off her children and is now looking for a potential rishta for her youngest/ last son. The son is making moves in his career and is pretty "qualified", by rishta seekers' prespectives. (Would be able to provide for his wife/ keep her happy/ etc).
The woman is getting older, and in turn, her health isn't where it used to be. She needs help with household chores and tasks.
So the question:
If this rishta came to your doorstep, would you (females), feel like they just needed a 'kaam walli' or would you be understanding about the situation?
Hire a maid! Cheaper and easier!
If I ever get a son I will never expect or accept my DIL to help me BUT I will expect and demand my son to help me with anything I need help with since it will be my sons farz NOT my DIL farz to care for me!
If he doesn't have time for household chores than he can hire me a made but I would never ever let my DIL become my personal maid!
no i would not feel that they are looking for Kaam wali.
if you live even in your own home or with your in-laws you must contribute to household work if there are no full time maids.
Such *Bahu *will be an ideal woman and there is *NO *ideal woman in this world :D
Anyhow, during the rishta process when the girl and her family find out about such situation (MIL needing helping hand), they do not raise any issue especially if its just MIL and the son getting married in the house. This is more of an issue when one is looking rishta for the eldest son, then the girls' family sees how many siblings that son has, how old they are etc. etc.
But it all depends on the chemistry between the DIL and MIL. DIL needs to understand that doing house work is not slavery and MIL needs to understand that the new girl in the house needs some time to adjust and take responsibilities.
I had a rishta come my way that i rejected pretty early in the process. He was the only son of very elderly parents (all 4 sisters married off).
i had a good feeling that i'd be expected to serve his folks all day long... and when something like that is expected then its generally not respected. The dude's salary wasn't great either, so i knew hired help was going to be minimal, if at all... I was just not ready for that much responsibility.
there were a few other points i didn't like about the rishta, so my parents said "no" on my behalf...
And before anyone makes any judgements about me, i'll say here that now i do live with lovely, caring, respectful and intermittently ill MIL, and i do care for her greatly when she goes through bad days which include taking on the responsibilities of serving my younger BIL and dealing with the (many) guests who come visit her. I've also discouraged my husband moving overseas for better career prospects because i think he should be here with his mum.
I wont feel like a naukar. I can understand while reaching to old age, a lot of work becomes tiring. My mom, mashaAllah still does a lot, but often complain about getting tired and taangon ka dard etc. i would definitely want my bro's wife to help her around the house, which will be her house too. So why wouldn't i do the same for my MIL? and no one becomes naukar to cook, clean and look after their family or home
It's perfectly acceptable if the MIL expects the bahu to share the responsibility in the house. However, if they're expecting the bahu to do ALL the work by herself, I'd ask if the husband is able to afford a maid. To be perfectly honest, I can see a lot of girls preferring other rishtas over this one if they're told that they have to shoulder all household responsibility right away without any help.
(semi-joke)
