Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
Han i wouldn't mind a maid to help me out, i would actually love to have one!
and here we go again on maids lol
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
*when something like that is expected then its generally not respected. *
This.....pretty much.
What if the lady is in good health,has loads of naukars to help,pretty rich and stable and the girl marries to the lady's son and they meet an accident or a blow to business,losing all the luxury and health? Will the girl apply for a divorce right away? The point it you cannot predict the future. Good or bad times,health,wealth ... They donot last forever. What lasts is good upbringing, attitude, love, respect and understanding and this should be a priority in making such decisions
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
^ Sure, and i agree with the last part. but us humans can only judge based on what we are presented with. If hardship of any sort is evident from the get go, and there are easier options available then imo most would take the easy way out. Eg rizq is prescribed but most girls wouldn't deliberately chose a metric pass over a graduate.
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
What if the lady is in good health,has loads of naukars to help,pretty rich and stable and the girl marries to the lady's son and they meet an accident or a blow to business,losing all the luxury and health? Will the girl apply for a divorce right away? The point it you cannot predict the future. Good or bad times,health,wealth ... They donot last forever. What lasts is good upbringing, attitude, love, respect and understanding and this should be a priority in making such decisions
Unfortunately if you talk to any therapists or lawyers who deal with couples...they will tell you that stress/differences related to money is one of the top reasons couples fight and eventually divorce.
You're absolutely right in saying that we can not predict the future. But that doesn't mean that we should not make informed decisions about our future based on the information available in front of us today. Marrying into a family that has money right now to hire maids doesn't guarantee that the money will be there in the future.....but it certainly increases the chances of it versus marrying into a family that hasn't managed to reach that financial level up until now.
Besides.....there is no comparison between what we will compromise for a person we have 0 emotional connection/history with (ie. when a rishta is brought) versus what we'll put up with AFTER marriage b/c we've already made a commitment to our spouse and are in love with him/her.
^ true. Based on the info provided by the OP, isn't it normal that parents at this age have one health issue or the other usually? I think what the girl needs to be sure of is whether the guy is willing to live with his mother or move out. Thora bahut tau in any case hilna aur kaam karna paray ga :D still, that doesn't make one a nurse or nokar anyway
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
^ Absolutely! I don't think anyone here disagrees with the notion that elderly parents require some sort of assistance OR that it's our duty to help an elderly person when they need help. But in the scenario like the one OP described....several important details are missing. Even in cases where the son moves out....it's ridiculous for a woman to think that he will/should abandon his parents if the situation ever arises where the parents are unable to live on their own and there is no other solution for them to move in with their son.
Like I mentioned earlier.....my #1 question in a rishta like this would be who is helping the elderly parent right now since there is no bahu in the house. And whether or not she also expects her own son to help her too when he's at the house OR is open to hiring a maid IF they can afford it.
There is nothing wrong with expecting a new person joining the family to SHARE in the household chores/duties. However, steps should be taken to ensure that other people living in the house (ie. the woman's son in this scenario) are also putting in time/effort to help the elderly woman. In addition, if they choose to bring in a bahu who is going to school or has a job.....that should also factor in when expecting the level of help she's providing in the household. Unfortunately in our culture, in cases like this too many families dump all or majority of the household responsibilities on the new bahu and everyone else gets a free pass
Re: Would you consider your self “a naukar?”
No meethi churi MIL worth her salt would ever admit this publicly. Amateur 
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
It's because the cultural perception is that this is the bahu's responsibility becuse its been that way for centuries.
I think if you pull some weight around household responsibilities to your limit, no one should complain. But it's a difference once everyone has eaten gotten up and is all pitching in to help clean up, it's another when everyone leaves the poor girl to clean up on her own. That's wrong. Or worse when the MIL pulls crap like putting her chai cup on the table and asking the DIL to pick it up. That's wrong. But sure it prolly happens all the time.
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
I would never hesitate to work for my husbands family. I work for my family (cook, clean, help them out with chores), so why not his family. But like pinks said:
and when something like that is expected then its generally not respected.
I'd be a lil annoyed if it was demanded. If someone comes along and says, hey we need a bahu because we need someone to help around/work in the house. Then, yeah no buddy. Hire a maid instead.
Re: Would you consider your self “a naukar?”
Fair enough. Everyone is entitled to their opinions.
Thanks for replying err baadeee!
The reason I asked this, I have a friend who is in the rishta process. His mother is ill but still prefers to do EVERYTHING in the house on her own. They do have maids but Aunty isn’t satisfied with their work ethic and would rather do everything her self, despite her illness.
So I was joking with my friend and I said “Just wait until you get married and your biwi jii will say ‘Ammi ap chor dein. ab main sab kuch sambhal lu gi 
’ and what not.”
His response: “Yea right. More like 'if you wanted a naukar, why did you have to marry me and bring me in?”
The way I’ve been raised, it’s an understood thing that when you get married, you’re not going to your hubby’s house to be a bride for ever. If he lives with his parents or not, responsibilities are the same. Not everyone is blessed with great health. And I have parents of my own. So I’d think how would I feel if my brother got married and my bhabi didn’t help my mom out or treated my mom poorly, etc. Respect is huge. If someone can say “you can’t ask for respect” (i.e. asking to help around the house or care for an elder).. The same can be said for someone who doesn’t give it - Don’t expect it back. (rambling…)
So just wanted to see where everyone else stood in the situation! : )
Ps: The soon-to-be-rishta’d friend does help around the house and takes care of his mom, mA. 
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
Well the guy was right. Look at the responses here.
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
Hypothetical, but realistic, situation: A women has successfully married off her children and is now looking for a potential rishta for her youngest/ last son. The son is making moves in his career and is pretty "qualified", by rishta seekers' prespectives. (Would be able to provide for his wife/ keep her happy/ etc). The woman is getting older, and in turn, her health isn't where it used to be. She needs help with household chores and tasks.
So the question: If this rishta came to your doorstep, would you (females), feel like they just needed a 'kaam walli' or would you be understanding about the situation?
well, helping your mother in law in household tasks is not an issue but this should NOT be the criteria for choosing a bahu. It actually sounds that the women is more in need of a helper.
Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
I don't think anyone would disagree with everyone doing their part exactly as they would for their own parents.. It's goes back to when it's expected it's not respected... Are they marrying their son for their own benefit or his?! Usually it's theirs unfortunately and even many sons don't realize this when they marry girls. People need to be fair because yes if you give a little, you get a little. Respect is earned on both sides but if you were to bring a bahu into your home for the purpose of her running YOUR household the way YOU want it to be run...that probably won't go smoothly. However if you bring a bahu into your home and she is the only one to take over and that is known from the start than you also better expect that things will probably be done in her own manner, in her own way of doing things. Unfortunately too many pakistani people have the "my way or the highway" mentality and that's why there are so many problems. People are not open to change. Nothing seems to good enough sometimes. If people literally marry off their sons because its time they need help or want to fully retire than they also better be open to change and keep a flexible and open mind that this girl coming in will probably run things differently...after all they ran and raised their home in their own way didnt they? The way their mothers did things. In my opinion this is where problems arise. Everyone comes from their own backgrounds and people forget this.
Re: Would you consider your self “a naukar?”
Oh gawd…this sounds like one of my chachi’s! 
She’s also elderly and has health issues but ignores everyone’s advice to take it easy. Her stubbornness and need to control every detail in the house chores drives my chacha/cousin nuts!
His mother is ill but still prefers to do EVERYTHING in the house on her own. They do have maids but Aunty isn't satisfied with their work ethic and would rather do everything her self, despite her illness. So I was joking with my friend and I said "Just wait until you get married and your biwi jii will say 'Ammi ap chor dein. ab main sab kuch sambhal lu gi :@:' and what not." His response: "Yea right. More like 'if you wanted a naukar, why did you have to marry me and bring me in?"
Not to be judgmental but it seems like they definitely need a girls helping hand in their home and with his mothers preference of having things done a certain way will be probably be problematic if even maids cant get it right. In most cases no matter how productive or independent they are before, as soon as another person comes in (bahu) she will br expected to pull her own weight but possibly much more. It's a strange shift in people's mentality but that's what happens. ...or I could be completely wrong about this Aunty and she could be really nice but it sounds like even her son may expect a certain amount of help for his mom once she's in the picture since his mother doesn't like maids and that's why it gets a bit complicated because hes even saying indirectly that the expectation is there if he fears his future wife might feel used but obviously I don't know these people so can't be too sure..
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
Why doesn't the son help his mom out a little ?
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
Why doesn't the son help his mom out a little ?
See below.
Ps: The soon-to-be-rishta'd friend does help around the house and takes care of his mom, mA. :)
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
i think she should hire a maid :p
Re: Would you consider your self "a naukar?"
His mother is ill but still prefers to do EVERYTHING in the house on her own. They do have maids but Aunty isn't satisfied with their work ethic and would rather do everything her self, despite her illness.
This may be the bigger problem in the long run. Even if the bahu is willing to shoulder most of the responsibility in the house, will the MIL be ok relinquishing control? :) Giving control to someone also means that you accept their way of doing things, which may be very different from your own. Unfortunately a lot of saas-bahu issues crop up from this inability to share/give up control.